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- "Uh, on second thought, uh, never mind. Ha-ha!"
In a conference call and in a bland statement to his supporters, Mitt Romney just confirmed that he's not running for president in 2016. The statement reads, in part, "After putting considerable thought into making another run for president, I've decided it is best to give other leaders in the Party the opportunity to become our next nominee." (Personally, I think what happened is that Romney got a sense that this Republican bench is deeper and better-supported than the clown car stuffed with morons he upturned to gain the nomination in 2012. He didn't have another primary fight in him; Romney only would've run if the party coalesced behind him and made it more of a coronation.) This announcement means that rather than choosing between two impossibly wealthy sons of American political dynasties who pretend to give a shit about income inequality, Republicans will just have to rally around Jeb Bush, instead.
UPDATE 8:33 AM: And here comes the fake-love. In a Facebook post, Jeb Bush calls Romney a "patriot" and falls over himself praising Romney's attempts to create "upward mobility." Which is just so untrue it makes my teeth ache. But that's politics in 2015, I guess.