I'm not talking about the Capitol Hill Block Party. Or SeaFair. And, yes, straight people parade up and down Pike/Pine all weekend long. And God bless them: No straight sex, no gay people. So thanks for all the awesome straight fucking, straight people*, and keep that shit up! We're counting on you to make more of us.

Here's what I'm talking about:


Meet the organizer—or the troll (the trollanizer? The orgatroller?—behind today's straight pride parade...


...and here he is laying out the reasons he called for a straight pride parade:


Gay and lesbians are like animals and insects? No. Gays and lesbians—and bi and trans people—aren't animals** or insects***. Something else we're not: We're not hostile to straight people, we're not opposed to equal rights for straight people, we're not marching in opposition to straight marriage or adoptions by straight couples or sitcoms about straight people or baffling straight fashion choices. Queer people are only asking to treated equally under the law. Most straight people have come to realize that equality isn't a zero-sum game. Most straight people get that equality under the law for queers doesn't actually deprive straight people of anything and that gay victories are not straight losses. (And straight victories don't have to be gay losses either—so long as straight people don't define depriving gay people of our equal rights as a "victory" for straightness.)

Take the trollanizer/orgatroller behind today's straight pride march. The recent Supreme Court decision that brought marriage equality to all 50 states hasn't deprived of him of his right to enter into a straight marriage, to have all the straight sex he likes, and to watch straight couples doing straight stuff on TV. It didn't even deprive him of the right to organize an idiotic "straight pride" parade through Capitol Hill on what is the single straightest weekend of the year up here.

And nothing is stopping him from appreciating the differences between men and women. (Does he think gays and lesbians don't appreciate the differences between men and women? We do! We're very attuned to them!) And while he doesn't agree with boys turning into girls or girls turning into boys—which is not how the whole trans thing works—trans people are free to do what they want and be who they are without a signed agreement from every last insecure, buttsore, gun-fondling straight guy on the planet. Because freedom means freedom for everyone

So, hey, did the straight pride parade happen? Did anyone see it?

* And bi people! (And it's probably not okay to call it "straight sex" when bi people do it!) And lesbians who want to be parents who are doing insemination the old-fashioned way! And trans people who are doing it in ways that make conservatives' heads assplode!

** Technically speaking, of course, we're all animals.

*** All life on earth shares a common ancestor, of course, so while we're not insects... they're our first cousins several billion times removed.