Awesome Welcome Home Hate Mail

Back to article

Comments

Comic Sans.

r.chops on September 25, 2015 at 10:01 AM

The comic sans is for sure the best. Close second is the almost-joyful looking exclamation points.

Banana Stand Money on September 25, 2015 at 10:02 AM

@2: ++

Nothing says unworthy of your time and energy better.

undead ayn rand on September 25, 2015 at 10:03 AM

I think the best part is where he invites you to "come down his street" but doesn't say where his street is.

Or have a gotten so old and un-hip that "come down my street" is a new sort of com on?

Merchant Seaman on September 25, 2015 at 10:03 AM

Wow, between this and Mike Huckabee hating on Doritos and you, it's kind of a red letter day!

nocutename on September 25, 2015 at 10:08 AM

Had to vote for the inspirational quote, purely for the "man what" factor. But it was a tough call.

Eudaemonic on September 25, 2015 at 10:09 AM

Comic Satans

venomlash on September 25, 2015 at 10:10 AM

"Yeah, don't you dare come down my [ugh] street with your sick fucking faggotry [ooh] and all that stuff you do with dicks, and other guys [uuhh]. Don't you dare come to my house with your [groan] fag ways" [comes]

Theodore Gorath on September 25, 2015 at 10:13 AM

And now it turns out Dan is God's private little joke to piss off homophobic Comic Sans users.

Ricardo on September 25, 2015 at 10:19 AM

We finally know Seattleblues true identity!

Pol Pot on September 25, 2015 at 10:21 AM

What’s so great about dikes?

Alison Cummins on September 25, 2015 at 10:32 AM

That's my second-favorite Hans Selye quote ever — right after, "Chill out. Cigarette?"

Fred Casely on September 25, 2015 at 10:35 AM

This is why we can't have Comic Sans.

Sean Kinney on September 25, 2015 at 10:50 AM

I see an opportunity for a neologism. Fag agenda = Fagenda.

druiddude on September 25, 2015 at 10:52 AM

Do these twits realize how much they sound like KKK bigots? I mean, just substitute one word....

Achaiwoi on September 25, 2015 at 10:55 AM

@12

Ask Holland.

seatackled on September 25, 2015 at 10:59 AM

@12: Ask the Dutch.

ɥsɐןɯouǝʌ on September 25, 2015 at 11:01 AM

Hold on I think we have to confirm which street it is so we can be sure if Dan has walked down it or not. LW, c'mon, where y'at?

fetish on September 25, 2015 at 11:13 AM

I see two misspellings.

Baby Blue on September 25, 2015 at 11:18 AM

I can't choose the best bit. They're all equally the best bit. I also liked "fudge packing", which means he reads enough Dan Savage columns to be a very unconvincing hater.

originalcinner on September 25, 2015 at 11:21 AM

@21. And a comma splice. Though, I admit that I didn't see two misspellings (and I don't want to read it again to look), unless you count the lack of hyphen for "fudge-packing."

jade on September 25, 2015 at 11:37 AM

The comic sans is great, but that quote is victory!

Urgutha Forka on September 25, 2015 at 11:44 AM

@ Reminds me of “Dike Access Road” off i-5 near Kalama..

ferret on September 25, 2015 at 11:52 AM

@12 - There's a more vulgar / hilarious answer, but I'm not going to say it.

The fact it's in Comic Sans just really takes the oompf out of it, the letter seems almost homey and welcoming, it's amusingly jarring.

Isn't "repugnant" and "disgusting" essentially redundant? Probably doubled for emphasis. Sorry, I'm nitpicking now.

Thanks for sharing Dan! (and LW... =O )

treacle on September 25, 2015 at 11:57 AM

I'm Comic Sans, asshole!

offfwhite on September 25, 2015 at 12:01 PM

If the dikes lose, then we'll all drown.

J.R. on September 25, 2015 at 12:07 PM

I bet you make really good fudge.

AK Rob on September 25, 2015 at 12:17 PM

@22: "I also liked "fudge packing", which means he reads enough Dan Savage columns to be a very unconvincing hater."

Not really? It's a pretty common slur, ironic use originates from sincere use from trucknutz using good ol' boys like the LW.

undead ayn rand on September 25, 2015 at 12:26 PM

Trying to pick the most ignorant part of that letter is like choosing between sticking your dick in a sausage grinder, a box full of wolverines or Sarah Palin. So many options!

DonnyKlicious on September 25, 2015 at 12:32 PM

Well if it's any consolation, that letter seems incredibly dated. It's vintage bigotry, like listening to the racist statement in the Civil War documentary. "What, people actually said those things?" So I guess that's a measure of progress.

SublimeAfterglow on September 25, 2015 at 12:48 PM

@31

At least a sausage grinder won't give you rabies. The other choices leave you with no dick and rabies.

Also, even though Pope Frank can't speak english for shit, he sure can write it. Dan, did you look for a Vatican stamp on the envelope?

kwodell on September 25, 2015 at 1:03 PM

Dan, is there any way you can write him back and ask for his address? Because I'll bet we could wrangle at least a few hundred "fags & dikes", their friends, family, and allies to all "come down" his street and pay this tool a little visit.

COMTE on September 25, 2015 at 1:08 PM

This is great! I would like to see more polls like this in the future. Comic sans was definitely the worst part.

EatsShootsAndLeaves on September 25, 2015 at 1:15 PM

I'm sorry you have to put up with crap like this in your in-box, Dan. Just know that for every ridiculous hater out there, there are a dozen people who are grateful for your existence and for the work you do.

Corylea on September 25, 2015 at 1:22 PM

@ 36 - As a general rule, his moronic haters are the best proof there is that Dan is doing extremely valuable and necessary work.

Ricardo on September 25, 2015 at 1:33 PM

@30: I've only ever seen fudge packing discussed in Dan's column here. But then I live under a rock.

originalcinner on September 25, 2015 at 1:35 PM

@ 38 - I remember first hearing "fudge packer" in the late 80s...

Ricardo on September 25, 2015 at 1:40 PM

@9 - that was beer-spitting, coughing, teary-eyed from laughing so hard funny.

Lance Thrustwell on September 25, 2015 at 2:18 PM

Homophobes hate homonyms.

In2ishn on September 25, 2015 at 2:18 PM

Re: fudge packer

venomlash on September 25, 2015 at 2:25 PM

Dikes don't get gribbles, unless they are in a loving relationship

Will in Seattle on September 25, 2015 at 2:43 PM

Seattleblues is currently on sab-ban-ttical. Please enjoy this classic Seattleblues post from February 1st, 2014 instead:

I owe Little Danny Boy the Savage an apology. His little feelings were hurt by my correction of his (usual) ignorance of the most common facts- in this case whether Mrs Clinton had ever been president. So he had my comment pulled. Poor little pervert!

Ascribing your native mendacity and errant stupidity to one of the cocktail of venereal diseases you have was wrong, Savage. You're just not very bright or honest.
Is that better, Savage?

venomlash on September 25, 2015 at 2:51 PM

Maybe HUMP should be replaced this year by a revival of Tulpenmania.

vennominon on September 25, 2015 at 4:14 PM

I was torn between the fact that it's in Comic Sans and that he has pretty good spelling and grammar for someone so unhinged. But I went for the Comic Sans.

DanielleinDC on September 25, 2015 at 4:33 PM

"...will continue to destroy..."

Because you and yours have been doing such a bang-up job of it.

EitherOrlok on September 25, 2015 at 4:42 PM

@45 - Did we ever find out where he got his herpes?

MacCrocodile on September 25, 2015 at 4:53 PM

I will be forever intrigued by homophobes who are so very interested in what gay people are doing. It's just so fascinating. Especially the christian and muslim ones who follow religions where the founders were too holy to touch something so vile and gross as a female body. That is some deep, weird psychological shit to wade through. I'm only upset that Carl Jung wasn't alive long enough to notice this (and perhaps write a book explaining it to the rest of us).

ree on September 25, 2015 at 5:07 PM

I'm straight by the way, and I still don't get it.

ree on September 25, 2015 at 5:08 PM

I love how a Bible thumping conservative Christian justifies the use of so many swear words.

MinnySota on September 25, 2015 at 5:09 PM

Hate is always the right attitude!

drjones on September 25, 2015 at 5:12 PM

The writer also did not use the Oxford Comma, which shows their ignorance right there! Shame!

Mominator on September 25, 2015 at 7:25 PM

Yeah, @37 nailed it - Dan deserves a lifetime of good fortune for this and many other times where he has put himself out in front.

AlanS on September 25, 2015 at 8:50 PM

Simply upst that I can't vote for all three simultaneously.

whiskeybanjo on September 25, 2015 at 10:47 PM

"You will not win"??? Um, I think the gays have damn well won. Game fucking over.

Velvetbabe on September 26, 2015 at 6:55 AM

The writer didn't actually put that quote at the end, did he? Holy cow that is awesomecrazy!

ean on September 26, 2015 at 9:22 AM

@38: "I've only ever seen fudge packing discussed in Dan's column here. But then I live under a rock."

It's hard to find the exact origin of epithets, but I do see a slang dictionary date its popularity to 1985.

undead ayn rand on September 26, 2015 at 10:38 AM

Shouldn't "fudge packing" be hyphenated?

Abra Cadaver on September 26, 2015 at 5:27 PM

Eliminate the hateful content, add in a few randomly-colored, giant-font words, and this could be a little note from my grandmother.

I should call my grandmother.

Xilonen03 on September 27, 2015 at 3:15 PM

Also, the quote is obviously the best.

Xilonen03 on September 27, 2015 at 3:16 PM

@59: The 1986 film "My Chauffeur" definitely had the words "packing fudge" in it, and no, I'm not especially proud that I know this fact, and no, I'm most certainly not "Zack".

saxfanatic on September 27, 2015 at 5:10 PM

One of my favorite scenes in Six Feet Under was from "Driving Mr. Mossback":

"“What words do you use” to talk about “fudge-packers,” Taylor asks Ruth and David. In a telling moment, Ruth can’t come up with any words; David simply responds “homosexual” matter-of-factly."

I wish I could find the video for just that scene... (although you can find the entire episode).

Sandiai on September 27, 2015 at 8:09 PM

It's like it has never occurred to straight dudes who use the expression "fudge packer" that gay butt pirates actually take care of their hole hygiene before commencing with the corn holing. If there are any turds to be burgled down there, you're doing it wrong. The myriad colorful euphemisms about anal intercourse reveal more about straight guys' anxiety than gay guys' sexual practices.

john t on September 27, 2015 at 8:51 PM

@65, They also seem to do a lot of thinking/fantasizing about the "gay lifestyle." I dare say they would be very disappointed by the average gay's lifestyle, which does NOT consist of the frequent drunken, filthy, dirty dirty dirty, fudge-packing orgies that they fap to.

Sandiai on September 27, 2015 at 9:22 PM

More proof that you can't use reason to argue someone out of an opinion they didn't reach through reason in the first place. I hope to God that none of his kids are gay, for their sake.

NotYourStrawMan on September 28, 2015 at 10:19 AM

Actually, the "I am and forever" was my favorite part. Followed of course by Comic Sans. Also, I would have hyphenated "fudge-packing," but that's more stylistic.

MstrChapl on September 28, 2015 at 12:55 PM

Awesome Welcome Home Hate Mail

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

What Will They Do with His Garden?

The 15 Best Restaurants in the Seattle Area 2023

For Decades, Granny Was the Leader of a Pack of Endangered Orcas. Then One Day, She Disappeared.

I Stopped Performing Music Because Venues Are Ableist

Nearly $1 Million Pours into Seattle Elections from Corporate “Neighbors”

Pride Wall Supporters Outnumber Homophobes and Transphobes at Duvall Public Meeting

Support The Stranger

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

Editors' Picks

Just Can't Get Enough?

Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!