Credit: Steven Weissman
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  • Steven Weissman

Did you read the I, Anonymous this week about the wedding that the bride and groom are charging people to attend? Here’s the first half:

You used Papyrus as a font on your wedding invite. We can get past that. Asking for money instead of gifts so you can fund your honeymoon AND your fucking trip to Burning Man? It’s tacky and obnoxious, but I’ll let it slide. But charging for food, booze, and “carnival games”? Encouraging people to bring a guest… as long as the guest pays 20 bucks into a “wedding gift box” at the door?! The note encouraging photographer-friends to work for free and send you digital files was a nice touch. But this part’s REALLY special: I found out that some people got a “ticket” with their invitation, entitling them to a wristband and a VIP area with free food. You have been going to shitty festivals for too long and you are confused…

Today, we got a letter to the editor from the bride. She writes (sic throughout, identifying details redacted):

To who it may concern,

This article is specifically about our wedding. I would cordially like to invite you to our wedding, by passing the “ridiculous” 20 door fee and have to be welcomed into our “tacky” vip room. I’m not sure how to handle the attack made our wedding by this person… with whom I’m pretty sure I know their disgust having not received an invite. I don’t feel the need to explain to you the editor the reasons why we are having a vip room for the older folks and friends that are helping us throw this event, but I would like to invite you to report on the performances and djs that are working for us that night. This even is a way to bring burning man and the likes to our family and friends who will never get the chance to go and experience the place where we fell in love.

I’m having a hard time focusing write now on writing this letter considering it is less then three weeks to my wedding and I just read the article. I am NOT a bridezilla nor is my groom. If you would like to contact me my cell phone number is [redacted]. I would just like the opportunity to explain, rather then walk around with this dark cloud over my head for the remainder of the time before the wedding.

Our wedding is at [place, date, and time redacted].

Thanks again
Sorry for this letter being all over the place.. once again.. I’m just shocked and baffled that we are being attacked like this

Much thanks,
[name redacted]

The wedding is still a few weeks out, but The Stranger is taking the bride up on her offer and will be reporting back on the party—and the family drama, the VIP haves and have-nots, the performances and DJs—in an upcoming installment of Party Crasher.

Christopher Frizzelle was The Stranger's print editor, and first joined the staff in 2003. He was the editor-in-chief from 2007 to 2016, and edited the story by Eli Sanders that won a 2012 Pulitzer...

177 replies on “Following Up on This Week’s I, Anonymous: The Wedding with the VIP Room”

  1. @152: Are you seriously playing the “don’t marginalize us” card to a cacophony of faggots, dykes and enablers? Fuck off with that shit.

  3. Baconcat, I Love you more each day.

    Heatherly – Nope. Public event. The very definition of a public event is one which you can attend without an invitation. I sure do hope the bride filed for a Special Occasion License with the liquor control board. Someone should look into that.

  4. I’ve been following this kerfuffle for some time now on both threads, and as a Burner must weigh in. No one objects to the theme of their wedding or the type or variety of the entertainment provided, or will, one imagines object to the undoubtedly unique self written vows they will exchange. I certainly take no issue with their culture or lifestyle, because remember, I too have seen the Man burn more than once and, as corny as it may sound, it changed my life. What is objectionable is asking people to pay for the privilege of attending a private event. And it doesn’t matter if the people asked don’t mind. That’s not the point. The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling. It is crass. It is insulting. Doubly so by virtue of the VIP tent, the inhabitants of which are the only true guests at this wedding. Every one else is a customer.

  7. “The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling.”

    156
    what wedding have you gone to that didnt have gifts requested?
    I have yet see this happen out of a long list…

  9. I have received wedding invitations with the request that a donation be made to a charity in lieu of gifts, and I have received invitations containing a card indicating where the couple might be registered. I have never in my long years, attended a wedding, or received an invitation to one, which included a price of admission. Again, ?156, I point out, the issue is not receiving gifts (be they cash or small household appliances) freely given by one’s guests, the issue is requiring that they pay a fee to attend your wedding and to purchase the food and drink they might wish to consume. This is not the behavior of a Host. It is the behavior of a Vendor.

  12. @J242 Yeah, I get that it’s $20 if you bring someone and “free” if you were invited. That is still insulting. Weddings are always free if you are invited. It’s understood that food and booze are free and prevalent. It’s a party for god’s sake, the biggest one you’ll ever throw probably. BYOB is for movie nights, dinner parties, not freaking weddings.

  15. When I was in 5th grade I called a friend of mine by a racial slur while we were having a fight about something. Someone told the teacher, and I got into very very deep trouble. It was a humiliating and horrible experience, and I cried. A lot. It’s one of my worst memories, one I couldn’t think rationally about for around 10 years.

    You know what? It was also really good for me.

    Perhaps in 10 years the bride will look back and think, “well, this is one of my worst memories, but it was good for me. I would NEVER think of treating my guests this way now.”

    Okay, bride, assuming that this can be a moment of epifany:
    If you are hosting a party–any party– that means that those you invite are the guests. This arrangement means, by definition, that you will be paying for all the costs of the party, whatever they may be. Your guests may repay your generosity by bringing you a nice gift, or by inviting you to a party they are paying for, but they never, ever help you pay for the party you are throwing. Any party. If there is any other arrangement, it is not one of host and guest.

    Also: if your professional photographer friends wish to photograph your wedding due to their undying love of you, they are perfectly capable of thinking it up all on their own and contacting you to let you know. Then it will be their idea, their choice, and their lovely gesture, instead of your awful entitled demand.

    Oh, and to both the bride and #159, no one with any manners requests presents from anyone other than Santa. Presents are freely given, or not. You seem to be confused by the concept of a wedding registry, which is there to let people know, IF they CHOOSE to get a present, what might be most appreciated.

    See, ’cause if a wedding guest chooses not to get a present for the couple, that reflects on the guest’s manners. But if a couple requests presents, thereby taking away the guest’s choice in the matter, it reflects on the manners of the couple.
    We can’t control the manners of others. Only our own.

    In this case, we can control whether we request presents (don’t), whether we encourage people other than those we have invited to come to our party (don’t), whether we slap those people with a $20 cover charge (don’t, but since we’re not inviting the uninvited it’s moot), whether we ask our friends to work for free (don’t), and whether we have a VIP area at our party (holy christ, please don’t).

    We cannot control, then, if our guests get us presents, or if they bring along a cast of thousands, but, you see, if our guests are rude, then we know what to do next time: leave them off the invitation.

  20. I suspect that in addition to having lots of photographer friends, you would also have writer friends. I’m sure that one of them could have helped you write the invitation and this letter in language that wouldn’t put people off so much.

    Just saying.

  21. “Nope. Not a public event. An invitation-only event with a rule stating that invited guests should RSVP their +1s, and that any un-RSVP’d, uninvited guests who show up at the last minute will need to pay at the door. Still private.” – Heatherly

    Um…Heatherly? When you charge people who weren’t invited admission at the door…THAT IS TECHNICALLY “OPEN TO THE PUBLIC”.

    “Un-RSVP’d, Uninvited guests” = public. Public is the *opposite* of private.

  23. @167:

    Bon, you know what? Your story wasn’t heartwarming enough to necessitate that you post it in this forum and in the original IA comments section. You sound like a pretentious loser. So glad that racism ended up, in the end, being “good for you.”

  24. 167

    You have seen into the very depths of my soul, and found me lacking.

    I will cry tonight. Lonely, desperate tears.

    But then I will realize that I can read a string of sentences and actually comprehend their meaning, and I will cheer up, because at least I’m not you.

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