- Via Creative Commons
I, Eli Sanders, citizen of Slog, while in the state of Idaho last week, did drive an ATV and fucking love it. Further, I drove said ATV at a picnic near a national forest (to wit, the Sawtooth National Forest) even after shaking hands with the guest of honor at the picnic: an elderly woman attached to an oxygen tank who told me she’d been attached to said oxygen tank after recovering from injuries sustained when she flipped her ATV on a nearby dirt road a few years previous. Further, when I drove said ATV, despite the obvious warning implied by the woman and her oxygen tank, I took with me an impressionable kid who wanted to ride along and, in the process, very likely encouraged his future ATV use. Finally, the ATV was loud and unfriendly toward the environment and, as stated previously, I fucking loved every minute. Oh, and I didn’t wear a helmet. I ask the comment court for leniency, and note that I rode light rail home from the airport yesterday and will be riding my bike to work today.
As Charlie Sheen once so wisely almost said “Riding an ATV is like kissing your sister. Sure she’s a cute little thing with a sweater full of goodies, but it’s just wrong.”