… in which I argued that domestic violence is, because it’s often hidden, rarely prosecuted, and poorly addressed by local government (King County, for example, just decided to close its domestic violence unit), I came across these images which I’d like to share with you. They’re currently running on Dallas buses (and driving men’s rights activists crazy).

I like them. Ads about domestic violence should kick you in the teeth.

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69 replies on “After a Debate with a Co-Worker About Whether Domestic Violence or Random Violence is More Tragic”

  1. I think the ads are good. I also think they leave out the fact that wives and mothers can just as easily be abusive. I think they single out men as the only abusers out there. I think that’s a mistake. Am I offended by it? Meh… I really don’t care enough about it one way or another. If you beat your husband, wife, hetero-boyfriend, hetero-girlfriend, homo-boyfriend, homo-girlfriend, or significant other, you’re an asshole. If you let your husband, wife, hetero-boyfriend, hetero-girlfriend, homo-boyfriend, homo-girlfriend, or significant other beat you, you’re a moron (NonPC, perhaps, but still true). And if you beat a kid, whether you’re a man or woman, you need to be beaten to death yourself. Simple.

    But I do think they could do a better job of pointing out it’s not just heterosexual men who can be abusive pricks. There’s enough homosexual men and women being beaten by their partners, and enough kids suffering emotional and physical abuse by their mother, that the ads seem a little shortsighted to me.

  2. Hot topic for commentsm here’s one more –

    Don’t forget, the cycle of abuse is the abused cum abuser – and perhaps that’s the reason King County is closing it’s DVU.

    Abuse of any sort is not acceptable. (period) – bringing government into the cycle is tyranny (my apologies to Richard Sanders)

  3. They’re both tragic, but domestic violence is a betrayal of love and trust. It’s a crime against the humanity of the victim. I’d have to say only violence toward children is more reprehensible.

  4. Did you attend the candlelight vigil last night for the woman who was stabbed to death SIXTY FUCKING TIMES by her husband in Othello on Sunday (orphaning her three daughters)? I wonder how much Slog coverage the murder would have received if it was a gay person stabbed to death SIXTY FUCKING TIMES for being gay, instead of say, for being the wife and mother of your fuckings kids?

  5. I was a former prosecutor, and my experience is that there are many female perps as male. Cops and prosecutors hate dealing with this cases for a number of reasons. One is that the victims will go right back to the perp. I did probably ten DV cases and lost every one of them. 1/2 I lost because the subpoenaed victim didn’t show up to trial. A couple I lost because, OMG, the female admitted on the stand that she hit him first. Male victims never cooperate.
    I thought the problem of the uncooperative victim could be ameliorated if the cops would take lots of pictures of the evidence of the assault. And going out and arresting the victims to bring them to court and MAKE them testify.
    But cops don’t want to take the time and effort to build a case when they could be easily busting someone for smoking pot or something.
    A lot of cops and prosecutors are way to homophobic to deal with male on male violence.
    But I think the biggest problem is that you can do more time in prison from smoking some weed than beating the fuck out of a spouse. And I hold cops, the useless courts, and prosecutors guilty of that problem.

  6. so tony lindsey, when i said that ‘men’s rights advocates’ were losers, your comments are what i had in mind. you are apparently this giant guy, who, while walking down the street, has nothing to worry about. that is a privilege not everyone has, particularly women half your size. they live their lives with their backs against the wall if you will. and yet you have your panties all in a bunch because you think they aren’t treating you fairly when they take basic and reasonable precautions for their safety. what do you want, for them to show you more respect and put themselves in an uncomfortable position just to prove they don’t ‘hate men’? because you’re so fucking oppressed, boo fucking hoo for you.

    well dude, the fact is that your rights are not in danger, nor are my rights or the rights of any other men out there. and by the way, pointing out that domestic violence more commonly affects women doesn’t impact anyones ‘rights’ at all. you have every social privilege, yet you’re demanding more form those who don’t, thus essentially kicking those less fortunate than you while their down. so, yeah, that to me is my idea of a wimp and a loser. try putting yourself in other people’s shoes, taking the world from their perspective without the benefit of your advantages in life.

  7. I AGREE WITH SIXTY FUCKING TIMES THE SLOG IS NOT WOMYN CENTRIC AND IS TOO CONCERNED WITH HOMOSEXUALS FUCK MEN AND THEIR BIG DICK VIOLENCE THEY CAN ALL FUCK OFF MY VAGINA IS MY OWNE IF A GAY MAN GETS STABBED WHO CARES I WOULD ONLY CRY IF IT WAS A WOMYN!

  8. why run the oppression olympics? they are both bad.

    and what information do you have to prove that DV is “rarely prosecuted”? looked at any stats at all? i don’t think that anyone in the DV community in King co. would agree with you.

  9. I agree with @41. Acting as though it’s rational to fear a man like @27 just because he’s tall and broad shouldered is absurd. Or are the @33 “5-foot-6, 130-pound, bookish” women of the world constantly threatened on the street and I’m just not aware of it?

  10. asking which is more tragic is the wrong question. even most of the discussion here isn’t comparing or contrasting what is tragic about each. nor does deciding which is more tragic translate to a policy for dealing with the problems, or preventing the problems, or whatever the issues at hand are.

    discussing which is more tragic is both open-ended and highly relative to the specific case. asking which is more of a problem, or which should get more attention from the law, or some specific question about policies might make this discussion more focused.

    and, just for internets fun, @55, i don’t believe you were a prosecutor.

  11. All violence is bad. But waaaaay more women have to deal with domestic violence.

    In most situations, the man feels he has to show dominance somehow. In extraordinary (and disturbingly common) cases, that usually includes isolating the woman of everything – friends, family, happiness, freedom… seriously. Why do you think LMN exists?

  12. Your home is supposed to be a safe haven. Your parents are supposed to protect you. Your spouse is supposed to cherish you. Domestic violence is a basic violation of the trust that *should* underlie any familial relationship. And no, I don’t live in Pollyanna fairyland; I was beat like an old rug as a kid. But just because most familial relationships are damaged, doesn’t mean that’s the way they should be.

    And how people get from the idea that everyone should be protected from violence in their home to “everyone hates men!” is beyond me. That’s a hell of a leap.

    (Oh, and yes, women hit and verbally abuse men and children too. They just are much less likely to cause serious injury, with the exception of the women who finally snap and kill their abusive partners. And women who kill their children/spouses serve FAR more prison time, on average, than men who do the same – look it up. Juries seem to think it’s a violation of “basic feminine nature” and punish it more severely.)

    How often have you heard of an ex-wife killing her ex-husband and her children, because he had the temerity to leave her? Every time it happens, it gets all kinds of sensationalistic publicity – because it’s rare. But a man killing his estranged wife and children happens so often it’s completely unremarkable.

  14. @63 When you look at situations of domestic violence, it usually comes in tandem with some if not all of those things. I write from experience.

  15. @64: I just couldn’t tell if you were saying ALL relationships were violent.

    I agree with you that domestic violence can take many forms — not just overt violence, but control, manipulation and other attempts at dominance.

  16. #20 – why the fuck are you asking me? I was agreeing with that the ads portray the issue most correctly. Also, if you don’t know, young men are VERY often the victims of domestic violence, being it violence at the hands of their mothers, or sexual assault. That’s not exactly the issue here, but you asked.

    Why is anyone even arguing, they’re just trying to get a message out. Some of these responses almost drive me into wanting to read Paglia for chrissake.

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