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We’re gearing up to announce all the details for HUMP 5, the fifth installment of Seattle’s biggest, best, most beloved, and, um, only amateur (and locally produced!) porn festival. We’re working on dates for the festival, new submission deadlines, new prize packages, and discussing a new maximum time length for films. (Five minutes max? Or stick with eight?) Some outstanding business: every year we draw up a list of “extra credit” challenges for HUMP filmmakers. These are props or locations that HUMPers can include in their films so that HUMPgoers will know that their watching porn that was made just for HUMP. HUMP filmmakers have despoiled Ken Schram dolls, blown loads on defenseless Calders in SAM’s sculpture park, banged away at sandwich cookies, filmed porn outside Mars Hill Church, gotten it on at Safeco Field, and so much more. We’ve got some ideas for stuff we’d like to see in this year’s films—pancake syrup, old-skool Fruit of the Loom Underwear (enough with the American Apparel panties!), WD-40—but before we draw up the final list of extra credit props or locations, we wanted to open this up to Sloggers. Anything you want to see on screen at HUMP this year?

53 replies on “HUMP 5 Is Coming”

  8. @2: Why not just the actual Charles Mudede?

    I would like to see the gum wall in Pike Place somehow involved. Or geoducks. Or the P-I (and by extension, Joel Connelly).

  9. Ick, no foodstuffs, please! Well, maybe a Top Pot donut….

    How about a copy of the Seattle Times? A Fixie? Perhaps a Seattle Parks location, celebrating their affirmation of nudity in the parks?

  11. Is there really that much amateur porn floating around outside HUMP that requires HUMP to have some sort of *wink-wink* prop? Since no copies survive the festival, wouldn’t just attending be sufficient?

    If not, where is all that at?

  15. Re: the time limit

    Whatever the time limit you pick (though I think 8 min is good) please stick to it this year. Last year’s crazy push to get some of the filmmakers to cut their films down in order to squeeze in as many films as possible kind of sucked for the people involved in making the films. The last minute turn around deadlines and cutting out things like the credits was lame.

    If you have rules and a time limit then stick to them or don’t include the film. The festival is obviously popular enough now that you can be discerning with your selections rather than all inclusive. Also the extremely large number of films was a bit dizzying. I’d rather see a smaller number of really well done longer films then a large number of mediocre short films.

  16. i’d like to see a couple try to get off while paul constant stands in the room and endlessly rants and recites his “op-ed” book reviews….

  17. As for length: eight minutes is too short for a really good film, and five minutes is too long for a bad one. There were some of both last year.

  21. I don’t mind if something goes over five minutes if it’s interesting or something is actually happening. I wanted that Dune spoof to go on longer. But no more films that are just these long montages of people being “erotic.” Those are boring after the first two minutes or so, and seeing more than one drags the festival a bit. Tell people that they actually have to act and do things – something with an actual plot, or at least a premise.

    And no more of that insane clown posse guy. Enough of him. He can submit a film, but keep him off the screen.

  28. @24: Thanks. Of course, the danger lies in the possibility that by October no one will give a shit about Jason Mesnick, Joel Connelly, or Washington Mutual, so the references will no longer be funny. Being a futurist is hard.

  32. ~Applets & Cotlets, please. Or whatever state candy we have when the the rules go to print.
    ~I second the PI, esp the globe, if it’s still lit and/or rotating.
    ~Any Seattle Public Libary

  40. What if you set aside a limited number of 8 min slots and have the rest be 5 minutes? People can choose which time category they submit to or submit two different cuts of the film, one 5 and one 8 if they want. It seems like there are always a couple really good long ones every year and it would be a shame to lose those just because other people can’t make good editing choices or write decent scripts.

  41. @40: Good ideas.

    5x + 8y = 120

    Integer solutions:
    X,Y
    0,15
    8,10
    16,5
    24,0

    So for a two-hour show you could have 15 8-minute films, 24 five-minute films, or the two combinations of slots per the above.

  42. My preferred option would be 16 five-minute films and 5 eight-minute films. I don’t think Seattle has more than five Douche: Dry & Sandys or Edgeds in it anyway.

  43. I would like to see a man slow strip naked for a woman and then she slow strips for him. I would also like to see a hot woman strip for a bunch of hot naked guys who don’t touch themselves.

  52. Ask that anyone submiting a video, submit 2 versions. x<8 minutes, and X<5 minutes. You’ll definitely air the 5 minute…and any longer ones that are worthy.

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