Don’t go to Starbucks today. Is it the subpar pastries you should be worried about? Nope! It’s that August 9 is pro-gun-rights Starbucks Appreciation Day. Gun owners plan on flocking to the coffee empire’s outlets today, guns in tow, to show their appreciation for a Starbucks policy that says guns are allowed in their stores.
The event’s organizers on Facebook, whose page reveals that 3,651 stupid people clicked the “Going” button, say that Starbucks has “been the target of unjust attacks from certain groups that do not support our right to bear arms.”
They’re probably referring to anti-gun group Moms Demand Action, which has come out strongly against Starbucks’ policy, starting a petition that asks Starbucks to ban guns in their stores. (They point out that while Starbucks says it’s just following the law, the company recently banned smoking within 25 feet of their cafes, “even where local laws would permit smoking.”)
Starbucks’ Facebook wall is awash in angry posts by folks for and against allowing guns in their shops. The common argument from gun slingers is that they aren’t waving their guns around fanatically. Yes, you are probably a perfectly intelligent, rational human being* who carries their gun** around in a reasonable fashion***. But there’s no way I can know that. By bringing your gun into the local Starbucks, you aren’t defending yourself. You’re intimidating the scrawny 22-year-old wearing tight jeans in front of you in line.
If you ask me, Starbucks should ban guns from their stores.
Now if you excuse me, I need to go celebrate Tully’s Hypodermic Needle Sharing Day!
*Sans the gun
**A weapon designed to put holes in people’s heads
***As reasonably as one could carry something designed to put holes in people’s heads