We’re about to head into the 9400th 2016 GOP debate! The delight! Tonight, in the broadcast from South Carolina, we will see what Donald Trump does with his New Hampshire boost, whether “normals” John Kasich and Jeb Bush will speak to each other or the crazies, and which of them will give the dead Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia the sloppiest French kiss.
Obama just went on national TV and kept it classy about Scalia. Yeah, we’re not like that. (Read THIS.)
Here’s a way to spend the next few minutes, until we get started, listening to the unemployed pathetic Edmonds Islamophobe leading Washington for Trump on Facebook.
6:03: Moment of silence for Scalia. This will have been the smartest moment all night!
6:07: Trump says Mitch McConnell’s job now, as Obama nominates a new justice: “It’s called delay, delay, delay.” Big cheers.
6:09: Kasich, after decrying that Scalia’s death has already become about politics, declares: “I would like the president to just, for once here, put the country first” and not nominate anyone to replace Scalia.
6:11: I think Ben Carson just advocated for 50-year life expectancies.
Rubio would like us to know that the Constitution is NOT a living and breathing document. It is dead. AND IT IS OUR MASTER.
6:14: Bush: The next president has to put forward a conservative. “And then fight, and fight, and fight for that nomination to make sure that nomination passes.”
6:15: Greenville, South Carolina just booed for getting the facts straight. They’d prefer Ted Cruz’s error.
6:17: On Trump’s first day in the situation room, he will ask: “What we want to do, when we want to do it, and how hard do we want to hit… to knock out ISIS.”
Trump: “I’m the only one on this stage who said don’t go into Iraq. …You’ll destabilize the Middle East. …I also said attack the oil. Take the oil.”
Rubio’s first day starts with the threats of China and Korea, continues with the multiple threats in the Middle East, and then rebuilds NATO.
Thanks for the Valentine’s Day red and pink background, CBS News! Romantic.
6:23: Kasich: “We will arm the folks in Ukraine who are fighting for their freedom.” Also, “The world is desperate for our leadership. …Those who respect civilization, the rights of women, the right to protest…” Yes, these are things the GOP is known for respecting.
6:31: You once said President George W. Bush should be impeached? Do ya still feel that way, Mr. Trump? “Let me tell you, as a businessman, I get along with everybody.” Trump hits Jeb when Jeb defends his bro. “They lied! There were no weapons of mass destruction!”
Jeb: “I could care less about the insults that Donald Trump has for me. But I am sick and tired of him going after my family. My dad is the greatest man alive in my opinion. While Donald Trump was building a reality show, my brother was building a security apparatus to protect the world… My mom is the strongest woman I know.”
Trump on Barbara: “She should be running.”
Rubio: “I thank God all the time that it was George W. Bush in the White House on 9/11 and not Al Gore.” Big cheers. “He kept us safe. And not only did he keep us safe, but … Saddam was in open violation of UN.”
Trump: “How did he keep us safe when the World Trade Center came down? I lost hundreds of friends. That’s not safe! That is not safe!”
Rubio: “The World Trade Center came down because Bill Clinton didn’t kill Osama when he had the chance to kill him.”
6:39: Advertising break. Twitter tells me that Jeb seems strong tonight. To me they are all oatmeal sausage and I am disgusted. But okay, Jeb’s doing better, I gather. He did just tell Trump that he’s going to “rescind” his invitation to the upcoming S.C. rally. TAKE THAT, TRUMP. RESCINDATION.
BTW: The more Trump tells the truth about 9/11, the more votes he loses.
6:45: Trump says there are “thousands and thousands” of people over 106 years old on Social Security. OBV IF WE CUT PAYMENTS TO NONEXISTENT ANCIENT PEOPLE WE FIX SOCIAL SECURITY.
6:50: I’m pretty sure Rubio just said each kid gets a new pair of shoes each month. YEAH!
We have to take a break, the host says, because “The free market wants what it wants.” THANKS FOR CORPORATE PERSONHOOD, SCALIA.
For your enjoyment, a helpful piece explaining how the wealthy carrying their weight does NOT hurt the economy.
7:01: Still dead-sober playing the drink-when-you-miss-Chris-Christie drinking game.
7:02: Trump says Mexico will pay for the wall because “We are not being treated right.”
7:07: Rubio accused Cruz of not speaking Spanish. At which point Cruz began Spanishing all over him! I wish that Cruz would continue in Spanish all night.
Kasich says, “They’re not all rapists.” What a Latino rights advocate.
7:11: Jeb to Trump on the matter of strength versus weakness. “It’s weak to disparage women. It’s weak to disparage Hispanics. It’s weak to denigrate the disabled.”
7:15: Carson: “You want to get rid of poverty, get rid of all the regulations.”
7:15: Cruz: Obama has hurt African Americans, the poor, and women. “My dad fled Cuba in 1957… he had a hundred dollars in his underwear… Today my dad is a pastor. He travels the country preaching the gospel.” His father would have “had his hours forcibly reduced” as a dishwasher when he first got here under Obamacare. Because Obamacare hurts teenagers, he says.
On Twitter just now: Colin Moriarty, @notaxation, says, “Mitt Romney, where the hell are you? Save us.”
It is now 7:22. I just saw footage of Barbara Jordan arguing that Americans should be able to find jobs used for an anti-immigration advertisement. READ THIS.
Then I tried very hard to search for the answer to the question, “When does the debate end?”
I did not find an answer. Sartre wrote this debate. Sartre wrote this election?
7:26: Cruz says for most of his life, Trump has been “very, very liberal.” He also says Trump is a “great entertainer.” When Cruz says Trump supports taxpayer funding for Planned Parenthood, Trump says that Cruz “is the biggest single liar. You are worse than Jeb Bush. … Nasty guy.”
7:28: There is yelling. Between nasty guys. Lalalalalalalalala.
Host: “We’re in danger of driving this into the dirt.” IN DANGER?
They call each other by their first names all night long. Donald, by the way, is a very uneasy word in the mouth.
7:31: Rubio says Nikki Haley can solve poverty. RUBIO/HALEY TICKET?
7:33: Ben Carson: “I am smarter than everybody else. I am smarter than everybody else. I am smarter than everybody else. I am …” Oh, that wasn’t what he said? I couldn’t hear anything else.
7:36: Kasich makes his appeal across the aisle: “I’m a uniter… I love these blue-collar Democrats cuz they’re going to vote for us come next fall.”
7:37: Trump says Rubio spent $44 million in New Hampshire. Two seconds later, Trump says Rubio spent $42 million. Trump is actually selling himself as the candidate NOT associated with moneydollars.
Also, Trump says that he’s totally cool with not cursing when he’s president, y’all. PHEW.
Jeb says Trump has boasted of being bankrupt four times and using the system. Trump says “that’s another lie; I’ve never been bankrupt.” Here’s the factses. As if you didn’t know.
7:41: “Bells are ringing, sir!” —the host.
7:44: I think Rubio just said he wants to trade arms for hostages and we have to tear down the Berlin Wall. Also, I think every one of these dudes would vote for Hologram Reagan for president.
7:47: Closing commends by Kasich. Sucking up to S.C. “The Lord made all of us special. I believe we are part of a mosaic. And I’ll send the power back.” This makes no sense to me. I mean, this makes no sense. But here we are. Continued, “I think what the Lord wants is he wants for us to engage… I want to call on everyone in America to double down and realize you were made special” and heal America and blahbetyblahGodGodGod.
7:49: How can you be a Black man who says this is the first generation of people who can expect to do worse than their parents? Hi, Ben Carson!
Jeb Bush: There will be a disaster during this presidency! Watch out! Such a tight-mouthed fellow. Look at it! Just look at it! “I believe I will have a steady hand as Commander in Chief and President of the United States.” You believe? Or you really think so? How strong is your conviction on this point, Mr. Bush?
Marco Rubio: “Wrong is now considered right and right is considered wrong… These are difficult times.” Please be specific, sir. “Life begins at conception! Marriage is between one man and one woman!” Oh, okay. Got it. “And we are going to be loyal to our allies like Israel.” And we will “rebuild” the American military.
Ted Cruz: “Two branches of government hang in the balance, not just the presidency but the Supreme Court.” He said that the United States “literally” hangs in the balance. Draw a picture, please.
Donald Trump: “We need a change. We need a very big change. …I say this every night every day every afternoon and it’s so true. We don’t win anymore. … We’re going to start winning again. … I’m working for you. I’m not working for anybody else.” He is actually doing a good job of convincing people that he is the people’s candidate. Wow.
Summary: aheopriquwptoirhodghfjpaoreisjpwoiahrgpofisjd[roieugporihgdko sjf[0oeijgir huepqt9i4u]0 mbiv6pijy5o’.
Yup.
(Update: Sorry I was opaque. That summary is not a broken link. That summary simply = nonsense.)
PS The animal comparison of Ted Cruz to “sad rat in the rain” must be attributed to my very fine son Nate Quigg. We have a winner in our animal poll. WHO SAYS WE NEVER WIN?
