Two weeks ago, we reported on a reported assault on a police officer—specifically, a marijuana pipe allegedly tossed at an officer’s head.
This week brings another report of an inventive, alleged assault on an officer—perhaps the work of a copycat criminal? Last Tuesday afternoon, a humble police officer was driving past University Playground when he noticed a man carrying “a large can of beer in his left hand,” according to a police report. Specifically, a 24-ounce can of Stack High Gravity Smooth Lager, a malt liquor celebrated for its “sugar covered dried apricots, cotton candy and green apple” flavor with “lively carbonation and a long, boozy finish.”
The can was open, and since carrying around open cans of alcohol in public is decidedly not legal—not even on hot, beautiful sunny days, when all you crave is an orange-colored malt beverage with minimal head—the officer rolled down his passenger side window and instructed the suspect to pour out his beverage, the report states.
The suspect reportedly ignored the command and kept walking, so the officer “moved his patrol vehicle into the crosswalk to block his path,” the report continues. Ordered once again to dump out the malt beverage, the suspect bent over—looking into the officer’s passenger window—and began to comply. But when the can was about half empty, the suspect suddenly “threw the can through the open window.” It was a direct hit, the report notes. The can struck the officer in the upper right arm and its contents “poured onto the right side of his uniform,” probably causing the officer to reek of sweet citrus with a boozy finish. The officer immediately got out and arrested the suspect, whereupon the man “began professing that he was sorry and that throwing the beer was stupid,” the report notes.
Once at the North Precinct, the suspect reportedly confessed to another officer that he had thrown the half-full can at the officer and that “he was sorry,” the report reiterates. The officer did not require medical attention.
A note to Seattle police officers: Stay on your toes and watch out for flying paraphernalia. And to the residents of Seattle, a polite reminder: pot and booze are to be consumed and enjoyed, rather than flung at people.