I am a late-20s professional, who is comfortably single, with the occasional tryst when the opportunity arises. I have always considered myself straight; while I was in my teens there was absolutely no question as to my sexual preference. As I’ve grown older, I have tried to make a point to periodically stop and entertain the thought of me being with another man just in case my deeply religious upbringing has somehow inhibited my natural appetites. Recently, I caught myself doing something that makes me question myself, and an outside opinion would be greatly appreciated. Quite simply, I was checking out a man’s ass. There wasn’t anything sexual about it in my mind, I was simply admiring his fitness… and to be honest, it was a REALLY nice ass. With some reflection, I have been doing this for some time (admiring a fit male physique). Is it just how comfortable I am with my sexuality, or do I need to question the ease with which I can drink in a locker room?

Questionably Comfortable

My response after the jump…

Lust doesn’t tiptoe upon the creaking floors of conscious awareness, QC, so if you really wanted that ass in a way that would satiate your religiously unadulterated “natural appetite,” you’d probably be aware of it. And by “it” I mean your throbbing, pants-bursting erection acting as a palpable divining rod for male bootie. To be honest, as a gay man I’ve always struggled to understand sexual orientation-confusion in men for precisely this reason—either you’re getting a hard-on when you’re checking out hot guys, or you’re not. Yes, there are certainly degrees of penile tumescence and the occasional source-error complications (such as becoming aroused by a woman only to realize—oops—it’s a man), but if you have any gay tendencies, your penis would have broken that salacious news to you a long, long time ago.

I’ve no reason to doubt that your religious parents diligently constructed a parapet of sexual guilt, moral intolerance and homophobia around your boyhood brain and that this could have prevented you from dabbling in things that might have been informative to you. But for gay or bisexual men, even the most wrathful, fiery homophobic sermons will fall on the deaf ears of their erect penis once that honest organ is attuned to a hot guy in their visual field. Keep in mind that sexual experimentation is by no means necessary for a gay person to know that they’re gay. Don’t forget, gay men were virgins once too, and most of us knew we wanted to be with guys long before we ever were, just like straight teenage boys know that they want to fuck girls without ever having fucked one of those lovely creatures before.

For bisexuals, this could admittedly be more complicated, particularly if you subscribe to a Kinsey-type sliding scale of sexual orientation, in which there are relative degrees of homo- and heterosexuality (you can take a quick-and-dirty version of the Kinsey test here). If you’re a male who scores at, say, the Kinsey level “2” this would mean that you have some homoerotic tendencies but you’re more aroused by females. And you could indeed be hovering around that particular mark, given your self-description.

The next time you’re in the locker room with Mr. Hot Ass—and by all means, allow yourself the anxiolytic luxury of mild intoxication if you’re seriously concerned that your religious alter ego is somehow masking your “real” desires—take notice of what your very own Mr. Penis is doing. I’m going to give you a formula to work with. It’s not bulletproof, but in my experience it’s been pretty helpful. If Mr. Penis is flaccid, you’re straight as an arrow; if he’s somewhat amused, you’re on the bisexual scale and; if he’s suddenly ragingly rigid, you’re anywhere from a Kinsey 3 to Kinsey 6.

And here’s another way for us to solve this erotic puzzle of yours. If in this, the year of our Lord 2012, you can honestly report that you’ve never, ever, not even once, deliberately jacked off to gay porn online and obtained an orgasm in doing so, that’s another really good sign that you’re probably as heterosexual as heterosexual gets.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time in the gym; if you’re working on your physique, this will inevitably lead you to compare other men’s bodies with your own. My hunch is that you simply notice and appreciate good-looking, fit guys the same way that I can’t help but enjoy, say, Jessica Gomes without wanting to debauch her. That is to say, the visual aesthetic of beauty and form is orthogonal to sexual desire. I appreciate the sentiment, though, QC. You actually remind me of my best (and very straight) friend from high school, who, on my coming out to him ten years later, responded with sincerity and humanity, I think, “You were my best friend. I’d have let you suck my dick if it made you happy.”