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Although I didn't know what my deal was, way back when, if I had seen these clips, telling me high school wasn't forever, I'd have benefited from it. Greatly.
I may sometimes come down on you, Dan, for one thing or another, but that's because ultimately, you put yourself out there as a spokesgay. Comes w/ a level of visibility and responsibility. But also you have to balance that w/ being entertaining enough to keep folks coming back for more. You usually handle this tightrope w/ aplomb.
When you use your powers for good, Dan, you warm my heart, and many others. Your snark is only a facet of you.
OK, there you go, a completely complimentary, non picking on you comment. 'cause frankly you deserve it.
Yes, people - do more. Walk your talk.
PS Dan's dad made a comment (@84) over at this week's Savage Love column...very sweet!
This immediately resonated with me as someone who was bullied mercilessly in high school. Called all the usual nasty names, but tripped in hallways and on staircases, shoved into lockers, had my notebooks grabbed out of my hands and destroyed, punched, kicked, etc, etc. Many times I feared for my safety, and contemplated suicide often because at least I could die by my own terms as opposed to being beaten to death.
But as bad as it would get I would make a deal with myself, don't kill yourself today, give it a week and if things don't get better you have permission to do it then. My mantra was then, "it must get better, this isn't all there is to life, it must get better". Miraculously, I would manage to find hope in something, a reason to live despite being told every day by bullies to kill myself. Hope is what I needed and Hope is what kept me alive and the only reason I survived high school. School Administrators failed to protect me, my parents failed to protect me, I didn't know where to turn and thought I had no options, but I had Hope.
This project is about Hope plain and simple. Anyone who cannot see that needs to open their eyes, and anyone who would want to take away from that should be ashamed. Yes, it is one small spoke of a very large wheel of actions that need to be taken, but it's a start.
Hope you are up and about again soon, kitten.
Hoping for better and more equal days to come, for all!
And, to the extent they can weather the homophobic storm with grace and strength, they are fighting homophobia by their very example. And in my humble opinion, the war on homophobia is being won by exposing the bigots to real human examples.
When your kid is sick and asks "when am I going to feel better?", you tell them soon. When you take a road trip and your kid asks "when are we going to get there?", you tell them soon. When an LGBT teenager who is being bullied and victimized on a regular daily basis wants to know "when does it get better?", telling them soon may be that one little tiny ray of hope they need to hang in there another day or two. It may be all of the encouragement they need to go to Dan's channel and hear real stories from gay adults who have lived through the same hell they are going through and that it gets better soon. And hopefully that will be enough to get them to put down the gun, remove the noose from around their necks or walk off the bridge. Soon is soooo much better than the alternative.
Oh and Dan, you'll feel better soon, I promise!
The way to stop suicide is to show the meadow at the end of the long hard road through hell. Even the most nihilistic post-apocalyptic road movies have that glimmer of hope through some abstract object that keeps people going.
Giving kids hope and eliminating the sense of alienation is key.
Which reminds me: much thanks to the gays who ran porn sites in the early/mid '90s. Through passwords like Stonewall, and symbols like the pink triangle (almost more frequently used than the rainbow back then), I was led to powerful starts about gay history that helped me identify through adolescence, and connection to the community. Thank you gay perverts of yesteryear!
I first heard about the "backlash" earlier today and thought it was absolutely ridiculous. Your response was very well put.
I'm a sexual abuse survivor, I was raped repeatedly from the ages of three to ten. High school was tough but at least it was all girl. College was tougher as the sexual atmosphere (I was often one girl in all-boy engineering classes) was hard to deal with. I contemplated suicide fearing that I'd never be 'over it' or strong enough to cope. I daren't look for help as by that point I had two small children and feared that I'd be declared an unfit mother. This wasn't an unfounded fear as the country I was living in at the time was going through a slightly hysterical period and kids were being removed in my circumstances.
However, I found an Usenet newsgroup (this dates me) dedicated to sexual abuse survivors that allowed me to post anonymously and there I 'met' people who gave me hope. They said the same things the people in your videos are saying: we understand, we love you, you matter, you can do this and, crucially, it gets better. It was all I had but it gave me enough to get through the dark times.
That was 20 years ago. My kids are happy well-adjusted adults. And I am a happy, married, sexually-active, engineering professional. And if it weren't for the folks on alt.sexual.abuse.recovery I wouldn't have made it.
In particular, Lupus, it's unlikely you'll ever see this, and I never knew your real name, but thank-you. Two decades later I still think of you.
If it's all there is, then sometimes hope can be enough.
anyways, im a bat, but thanks SO MUCH. thanks for putting a warm and personal fingerprint to this, so many uncalloused warriors with messages of triumph. it means a lot to a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. i love my gay friends and i have always held them closer as brave warriors who had to fight youth (lone) battles a lot more intense then my own. you are war-painting a new calvary and i cant wait for them, my friends, to plant that final flag of universally excepted respect, tectonic and cerebral, after winning so many smaller battles.
it is so close, right there and you are making it happen you fucking asshole. ;P
crazy dude,
love comma
matt fu
The strength to live life comes from within.
The tragic decision to give up on life comes from the same place.
It is easy to focus hate on an outside group and blame them but that totally misses the real issue and gives the outside group power over you they otherwise would never have.
Giving kids, ALL kids, hope is a good thing.
Exploiting the tragedy of teen suicide to further Dan's anti-religion hate campaign is disgusting in the extreme.
I also have to admit that I am angry to hear about 'adult privilege.' A part of the project is to show queer kids what the future can look like, that that future exists, in all its diversity. If there are lots of adults, it is because we can say 'Look, here is this life I made, despite adversity. It is possible.' As a survivor a lots of homophobic bullying in the school system, what I turned into as an adult is not 'privilege' but the product of hard work, of striving for something more after have been given so little. I resent the notion that the struggles I and many adults face simply translates into 'privilege.' It is, instead, a tribute to persistence and creativity, both of which make a meaningful life, in my opinion.
Thanks so much, Dan, for the work you have done!
I say B.S. to that. We have seen this happen over and over. Anti-bullying laws and projects that have been started to protect queer kids, whose suicide rate is 6 times that of their hetero peers, have been co-opted and then de-gayed, leaving the queer kids back out in the cold and alone again.
If someone wants to start or support a general anti-bullying project, fine. Go do it. But leave this alone.
The comments on any news story or message board prove that bullying doesn't end. IGBP gives people hope and that's more than they had before. Bravo, Dan for starting this and everyone who's contributed to the project.
It's written for all adolescents, but I think it stands on the same plot as IGBP.
composed and sang by Angela Aki
"Letter, dear 15-year-old you"
Dear you, Who's reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?
For me who's 15 years old
There are seeds of worries I can't tell anyone
If it's a letter addressed to my future self,
Surely I can confide truly to myself
Now, it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
In the midst of this pain, I live the Present
I live the present
Dear you, Thank you
I have something to tell the 15 year old you
If you coutinue asking what and where you should be going
You'll be able to see the answer
The rough seas of youth may be tough But row your boat of dreams on
Towards the shores of tomorrow
Now, please don't be defeated and please don'tshed tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice
For me as an adult, there ara sleepless nights when I'm hurt
But I'm living the bittersweet present
There's meaning to everything in life
So build your dreames without fear
Keep on bilieving
Seems like I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
Please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice
There's no running away from sorrow
So show your smile, and go on living the present
Go on living the present
Dear you, Who's reading this letter
I wish you happiness
"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnWJICPPn…
Oh man, the issues people bring sometimes.
Bullying in middle and high school is a problem in all forms, kids get teased for all sorts of reasons and we should call for an end to bullying full stop. And yet I find it difficult to listen to you - a man who makes fun of fat people and tran folks and bi folks, perhaps one might call you a bully, giving advice on ending bullying.
Practice what you preach and stop bullying folks yourself.
What do we need to do to start collecting money so this can happen? This needs to happen.
I've never been on this blog before and i'm not gay. I'm just a hetero woman who has long supported the gay community and whose heart breaks for how gays are treated.
When I read the story about Tyler Clementi last week on yahoo, I was shocked and saddened by the despicable anti-gay comments left below the story by other readers. Living in the Northeast with liberal friends, I had no idea there was still so much hate out there. I truly feel in recent years our country has gone backwards in acceptance of gays and lesbians.
All I can say is, I sincerely hope it will not always be so.
I applaud your efforts. It doesn't solve all the problems faced by gay teens, but it's something that can be accessed anywhere. The real need is for ALL of the LGBT community to (1) stop whining amongst themselves and (2) get more involved and DEMAND that politicians get a back bone and stop giving a pass to religious bigotry - because that's what it is. Special rights for Christianists. It is far past time that religious bigots be confronted head on and called out for their sick and vicious handiwork.
And seriously, screw those hairy scrotums who criticize you and your efforts. How are they helping to save lives by criticizing you? I'll tell you. They ain't doing crap.
The only thing I recommend you do with It Gets Better is that people need to share their stories and then they need to get more active. Making videos is great, but tell people to PLEASE contact their local school districts and ASK what programs they have in place to prevent and combat bullying. Ask them to donate or volunteer for the Trevor Project. We can take this to a whole new level.
Much love!
Henry
Dear Dan,
You say what needs to be said so well-- so piercingly perfect on your marked targets!!! Keep it up my friend!!!!
Thanks for all you do. The Gay Rights Movement needs 100-million more like you.
I love you!!
Keep up the great work!
The world needs more people like you!
Go to school and get what you can out of it--give them want they want to get that piece of paper. Then rest assured that you have the rest of your life to be anyone you want. In the meantime, you guys have cell-phones...USE THEM! Assault is a CRIME. Dial 911! Get a REAL cop there and PRESS CHARGES. Just because you're a kid doesn't mean you cannot access the REAL WORLD's LEGAL SYSTEM. Of course, 911 is limited to physical assault. Don't worry whether you can prove it or not. That's not your job. As for verbal assault? F*ck 'em!
Words are irritating, but please please please realize that it simply doesn't matter what someone who doesn't like you thinks or says about you. If someone puts their hands on you--pushes you into a locker, knocks you down in the hall---That is a CRIME! Call a COP!
You'll get a lot of flack from the administration. You'll even get a lot of flack from the cops. They all will do their best to victimize you, the victim. Don't let them psyche you out. If they threaten to arrest you for frivolous (sorry, sic) 911 calls, LET THEM! Because then there will be a judge involved. And, trust me, the administration doesn't want that.
You have a lot more power than you think you do. Use it and NEVER accept that someone abusing you is your fault. It never never never is. Never.
We have open discussions in our home about how to treat school mates who may be different. Different in any way. Instead of rediculing or making fun of them, we want our son to know that it is very important in life to be different. To be different is a celebration of creativity. Without those who possess this, our world would be black and white and not filled with color.
In a public school environment they are allowed to be creative and to express themselves freely. Please know that it makes a BIG difference when a parent is tolerant. Shame on those who are not and who choose to teach their children this awful and very distructive behavior.
Take a good look at yourselves - because attitudes like yours are just as big of a part of the problem as the right-wing Christian nut jobs who hate gay people. Stop being bitter and try to make your little corner of the world a better place, or at least stay out of the way of the people who are doing it.
Dan - thank you...from a kid who was closeted and lonely, who put the barrel of a gun in his mouth on more than one occasion...I wish someone had been able to give me such a simple, powerful message during that time. I turned out ok - and I survived - but it could have been better. - John
Take a good look at yourselves - because attitudes like yours are just as big of a part of the problem as the right-wing Christian nut jobs who hate gay people. Stop being bitter and try to make your little corner of the world a better place, or at least stay out of the way of the people who are doing it.
Dan - thank you...from a kid who was closeted and lonely, who put the barrel of a gun in his mouth on more than one occasion...I wish someone had been able to give me such a simple, powerful message during that time. I turned out ok - and I survived - but it could have been better. - John
"rich kids for whom the only violent part of their life is high school. [And that] [i]t’s a video for classist, privileged gay folks who think that telling their stories is the best way to help others..."
If that's the case, then by condemning the Project are the critics suggesting that "those types" of GLBTQI kids are not worth reaching out to? Or does the critic rather argue that they're not worth saving? How twisted does your agenda have to be to make it ethically permissible to advance an argument that it's not all to the good to reach out to the members of our tribe who are yet in exile? So what if our messages of hope cannot reach all the missing tribesmen? The point isn't to reach all the Queer kids -- it's to reach the one kid who needs it. That someone else may need something different, is not an argument against IGBP. It's an argument for the critic to stop critiquing and step up with an idea to meet the unmet need.
"rich kids for whom the only violent part of their life is high school. [And that] [i]t’s a video for classist, privileged gay folks who think that telling their stories is the best way to help others..."
If that's the case, then by condemning the Project are the critics suggesting that "those types" of GLBTQI kids are not worth reaching out to? Or does the critic rather argue that they're not worth saving? How twisted does your agenda have to be to make it ethically permissible to advance an argument that it's not all to the good to reach out to the members of our tribe who are yet in exile? So what if our messages of hope cannot reach all the missing tribesmen? The point isn't to reach all the Queer kids -- it's to reach the one kid who needs it. That someone else may need something different is not an argument against IGBP. It's an argument for the critic to stop critiquing and step up with an idea to meet the unmet need.
I hope it means you'll also stop all your hating on trans people too.
While I understand the criticism that we need to let the kids speak, I have two responses: First, I AM that kid, fortunate and privileged enough to be alive and able to speak about my experiences. Second, some of the kids are speaking by killing themselves. I don't see how calling out greetings and encouragement from the other shore disempowers or silences them.
I have, over the years been there for kids who were dealing with feeling like outcats and hating life and wondering about their sexuality. I have spent over 10 years on chat and through email, and now by facebook dealing with a couple of these kids. They are all still alive and some have gon on to be happily gay, some happily straight, some still not finding who they are yet.
I am one of those who critisized the projet, but not as much for giving false hope, but for spreading unrealistic wish fullfilment. e can not help kids by lieing to them. We can not tell them "things get better" and pretend that means they will have equal righst or be full citizens or that the bullies will "pay" in the end cause God or Karma will get them! That is just a lie and not right to tell them. Now, if we say the hell you are dealing with in school (Grade, Jr, High or even College) will get better once you are out of school, YES! You can say that and be honest. You can tell them that while even if the church and state and even their family rejects them, there are thousands of peopel who will NOT reject or hate them! You can say that, like me, they may have wanted to die many times, tried many times and thought they would never be happy. BUT, like me, they CAN find someone who they love and who loves them and have a life with so many friends and so much love they can't belive it! 26 years together and it feels like no time at all... The eternity that was the hell of school and my life before I finaly found my husband is NOTHING comapred to what I have now and have had for 26 years, way longer than all my school years! Tell them the truth, kids are not stupid and it does not help a suicidal or depressed kid to hear LIES about being able to someday be legaly married etc...tell them love is out there and if they hold on and make it through these bad times, it CAN get better (not will but can)!