Yesterday, the New York Times broke a story that everyone agrees is the first real bump in the road for the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee. As you have undoubtedly heard by now, Clinton used a personal e-mail account to conduct all her official business during her four years as Obama’s Secretary of State for unknown reasons. In fact, she never even set up a work e-mail.
Mrs. Clinton did not have a government email address during her four-year tenure at the State Department. Her aides took no actions to have her personal emails preserved on department servers at the time, as required by the Federal Records Act.
What? Why? Why would you want all that work stuff getting dumped in your personal inbox every morning? I mean, Hillary, I can’t even tell you what a luxury it is to open up my private e-mail account and not have to contend with an aircraft-carrier-load’s worth of e-mails from Bibi Netanyahu and Hu Jintao and whoever the fuck else. You gotta learn how to clock out once in a while. Do you. Breathe. That just can’t happen while all your nuclear disarmament negotiations keep getting mixed up with all your Square receipts, Mom e-mails, and library book club e-newsletters.
According to Gawker, Ms. Clinton’s private e-mail address in question was email@example.com (it’s already been deactivated, so don’t bother). Whether that address's activity was encrypted is still unknown. Meanwhile, all this news really makes me wonder who I’ve been talking to at firstname.lastname@example.org. I've been sending the secretary the most pointed inquiries I can think of on the most pressing humanitarian questions, and I've been receiving thoughtful, personalized replies. Is that you, Madeleine Albright?