Originally posted on July 11, 2012.
I’m a straight 32-year-old woman who has been in a monogamous relationship with a guy for two years. Recently, we took the plunge and moved in. Before moving in, we had experimented with some kinky stuff. (I have never come so hard or fast as the first time I fucked him in the ass with a strap-on.) Then he told me, after moving in, that he had given some thought to poly relationships before committing to me. Now I am feeling insecure about the viability of this relationship. Although he claims no desire to be in a poly situation now, I can’t help but feel that I alone will ultimately not be able to fulfill him entirely. He is a soul mate who I can see growing with over time. But I worry this relationship is doomed.
Fem Fetish Frosh
My response after the jump…
This probably isn’t what you want to hear, FFF, but here goes: You alone will ultimately never be able to fulfill your boyfriend entirely… just as he alone will never be able to fulfill you entirely. One person simply can’t be all things to another person—sexually or otherwise—and unmet needs, unfulfilled desires, and unexplored possibilities are prices we pay to be in LTRs. Monogamous, polyamorous, Femdom, or whatever: All coupled people walk around feeling a little unfulfilled. (Single people, too.) Because no one gets everything they want.
So, FFF, while some aspects of the polyamorous lifestyle appeal to your boyfriend, he has decided that he prefers the kind of relationship he’s in now, with its perks and drawbacks, to the hypothetical polyamorous scenarios he used to contemplate, which would’ve had their own perks and drawbacks. I’d say your relationship is only doomed if you can’t bring yourself to take his “yes”—yes to you, yes to monoamory—for an answer.