Nothing happened over this freezing weekend (not counting protests), so I went back to the mall. The ALDERWOOD Mall! Perhaps you’ve heard of it? Here are 15 gifts I found—15 gifts you SHOULDN’T give this holiday. Or any other time.
- 1. A gay joke, a virgin joke, a beaver joke, a blow-job joke… yet I still don’t get it.
- 2. The *~*Magic*~* is not throwing up when you use this.
- 3. Warm and offensive.
- 4. Classic.
- 5. Nothing says I ♥ PUSSY like some sweatpants in a box.
- 6. Zzzzzzzzzz.
- 7. The Violent Gnome. Though this might be a good one for a select few of your favorite internet pals.
- 8. I’m guessing the high-schooler who designed this hasn’t encountered many actual lesbians…
- 9. …like the actual lesbians who would wear this shirt. (??)
- 10. Mangles your face, quickly and relaxedly.
- 11. One size fits no one.
- 12. Seems safe.
- 13. The only thing funnier than small pecker jokes are over-the-hill jokes. And jokes involving butts.
- 14. Might be worth it for the FREE KNEE PAD.
- 15. Don’t worry, I actually bought this so you wouldn’t have to.
