THURSDAY 9/16


Images

(FILM) Every once in a while ROBERT ALTMAN just gets weird: Look at 3 Women, his adaptation of Pinter's inscrutable The Room (for ABC, no less), and IMAGES, the 1972 film that marked his first, and probably still his best, foray into surreal headscratchers. Susannah York stars as an English housewife who seems to be saddled with, and has possibly murdered, a husband and a lover. Is she remembering her past? Is one or both a fantasy? Is she going mad? I'm not sure, but I don't care; any amount of narrative confusion is worth putting up with in return for Vilmos Zsigmond's MOODY PHOTOGRAPHY, a stunning score from John Williams -- yes, really -- and York's excellent performance. -- BRUCE REID

Seattle Art Museum, 100 University St, 524-8554, 7:30 pm, $6.


Texts For Nothing

(THEATER) Leafing through my bookshelves last night confirmed director/actor/producer JOSEPH CHAIKIN's fixed status in the theatrical firmament. No biographical index on American theater history is complete without a reference to Chaikin or Open Theatre, the company he established in the early '60s, when the experimental theater MAFIA that included luminaries such as Grotowski, Molina, and Beck was at its artistic zenith. Since then, Chaikin has kept himself busy writing and directing, mostly in New York. Now Seattle is blessed with a rare Chaikin appearance in Samuel Beckett's TEXTS FOR NOTHING, set pieces Beckett selected specifically for him. Expect miracles. -- TONIA STEED

The Bullitt Cabaret at A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676, Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri & Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm, through Sept 26, $15.


Farewell to Episode I

(MOVIE EVENT) Seattle Star Wars Society (cough) is staging something like a vigil to The Phantom Menace (cough). They're LOOOOONY! THAT MOVIE SUCKED! Crappy script, the pornographic Ewan "So Cute with My Weird Alien Face" McGregor, and that freaky, gay-assed Jaja Barker, or whatever his stupid name was -- you KNOW the one I'm talking about. Barker wasn't cute. He was gross. DO NOT MISS this pathetic freak show from hell. -- JEFF DeROCHE

Cinerama Theatre, Fourth & Lenora, 441-3080, noon-midnight, free.


FRIDAY 9/17


Art Detour Seattle

(VISUAL ART) If the pair of emerging-artists shows at Bumbershoot whetted your appetite to see more of what's going on outside the Pioneer Square galleries, this weekend offers you a chance to get inside 15 studio buildings and an equal number of individual studios. ART DETOUR kicks off a weekend of open studios with a party at Noodleworks, the International District studio founded in the wake of the POLSON BUILDING FIRE, and continues through the weekend at locations around town, where emerging and established artists alike throw open their doors to the public. -- ERIC FREDERICKSEN

Kickoff Party 6-10 pm, Noodleworks, 802 Sixth Ave S. Info about the weekend's activities is at www.drizzle.com/~eyespy/artdetour/index.html, or in brochures available for $5 at CoCA, Howard House, ArtSpace, and Soil among other places. Various locations around Seattle, 726-8836, Sept 17-19, free.


Fruit Cocktale

(THEATER) The Gay City Health Project's QUEERCORE program brings fag empowerment to the stage with FRUIT COCKTALE, a new comedy exploring the personal, political, and sexual concerns of the under-30 homo crowd, culled from interviews with 40 real live local gay boys. So what's gonna keep this from being a pedantic community outreach snoozer? First, FRUIT COCKTALE is co-authored by savvy local poet Avram Katzman, whose past work has lacerated expectations and stereotypes with ease. Second, the show is directed by George Weiss, whose shadow life as drag diva Chocha Fresca has taught him a thing or two about puttin' on a show. -- DAVID SCHMADER

Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 517-8458, Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, through Sept 25, $5.


SATURDAY 9/18


World Record Dog Walk-A-Thon

(FUNDRAISER) Feeling guilty about not walking Poochie enough? Give him a whole month's worth of street time in one day on this six-mile double spin around Green lake. (Shorter hikes will be offered for the shorter of leg.) PAWS expects more than 3,500 animal lovers to turn out in an attempt to break the current record of 1,170 DOGS, an easy task considering what a dog town Seattle is. Lots of treat bags and gifts will be awarded to entrants, and the person whose doggie gathers the most generous sponsors will win plane tickets for two (you and your pooch, perhaps) to any American Airlines European destination. -- Kathleen Wilson

Woodland Park, 425-787-2500, ext 870, www.paws.org, check-in at 10 am, $15.


Nuggets

(ART) Capitol Hill's newest art space introduces the artists who will show during its first year, including photographer SIMON LARBALESTIER (who took the beautiful and sometimes creepy photographs for the Pixies' album covers), brilliant local graphic designer/painter SHAWN WOLFE, graffiti artist Phil Frost, and clothing designer Green Lady. -- ERIC FREDERICKSEN

Opens today at Houston, 907 E Pike St, 860-7820, 7-10 pm, through Oct 17.


Kool Keith

(DJ) So who cares if you're not a hiphop expert who spouts rhymes and facts. So what if you've never heard of "Black Elvis," a.k.a. KOOL KEITH, a.k.a. Dr. Octagon, a.k.a. Sinister 6000, a.k.a. Dr. Doom. So what if you've never heard the Ultramagnetic MCs. Once you get your first dose of rap veteran Kool Keith and his smart, SOPHISTICATED SOUND, you'll wonder how you could've possibly endured living without him. -- MIN LIAO

RKCNDY, 1812 Yale, 667-0219, 8 pm, $17 (all ages).


The Bad Livers

(LIVE MUSIC) Music is good. If you've ever seen DANNY BARNES in action, singing and playing the shit out of his banjo and guitar (or even a fiddle!), you know that this simple truth is written all over him. He dedicated himself to traditional music at the age of 10 after his folks took him to see the Opry's GRANDPA JONES & STRINGBEAN. Danny's uncompromising "new configuration-new riff-new structure" punk rock-influenced songwriting ethic knows few boundaries these days so expect some cool twists from Danny and company (Mark Rubin, on bass and tuba). And look for their brand new bag to be released in March. In the meantime, check out Danny's visionary solo effort (a sample-laden, roots-electronica effort of sorts, available via www.dannybarnes.com) or Mark and Danny's front PORCH-STYLED PICKING SESSION with guitar/fiddle player Erik Hokkanen (available via markrubin.com). -- JAMES KIRCHMER

Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave NW, 789-3599, 9:30 pm, $13.


SUNDAY 9/19


Ringling Bros Barnum & Bailey Circus

(CIRCUS ARTS) Now in its 129th year, the self-proclaimed GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH returns to Seattle with a dazzling array of Russian POGO STICK performers, death-defying motorcyclists, and a veritable zoo-full of animals forced to perform humiliating stunts. ("Never before has the harmony between animal and man been so apparent, so beautiful, so undeniably spectacular!" boasts the PETA-pleasing press release.) Featuring HANDSTANDING ELEPHANTS, a cat-and-dove tightrope act, and, of course, many terrifying clowns. Go stoned. -- DAVID SCHMADER

KeyArena at Seattle Center, 628-0888, 1 pm & 5 pm, $12.75-$18.75 (continues through Sun Sept 19th, call for show times).


MONDAY 9/20


Chuck Palahniuk

(READINGS) CHUCK PALAHNIUK (how you pronounce his name, God only knows) writes mean little books that hurt you. His first two novels, Fight Club and Survivor, were about disenfranchised, emotionally fucked up souls searching for something, anything, with meaning. His latest, Invisible Monsters, while not quite as good as his previous novels, still manages to damage you emotionally, yet keep you reading. In person I'm sure he's a real SWELL GUY, but on paper, he's the DEVIL. And you'll love him for it. -- BRADLEY STEINBACHER

Elliott Bay, 101 S Main St, 624-6600, 7:30 pm, free (advance tickets recommended).


TUESDAY 9/21


The Smoking Gun

(ON LINE) Freedom of Information requests kick ass! See for yourself at THE SMOKING GUN, the website where you can browse through a wide, wacky assortment of illegal CELEBRITY HIJINKS! Among these documents are "Howard Stern's Sausage Swallower," "Linda Tripp Wiretap Indictment," and "Wild Dick, Dead Pussy." Yummy. Or take the Unabomber test, in which your answers to 40 MMPI personality questions are matched up with his, to see how frightening you truly are. -- JEFF DeROCHE

On the web at www.smokinggun.com.


WEDNESDAY 9/22


The Fastbacks

(LIVE MUSIC) Over the years, the FASTBACKS have slowly and steadily developed the patina of legend. Two decades of rugged, joyous perseverance, coupled with a punkish disregard for those shifting bumps in the road called genre, have carried them into the present -- not only intact, but on-fucking-fire. Talented, manic, incredibly youthful yet worn-wise by time, the Fastbacks' live performance -- part controlled CHAOS, part virtuoso FIREWORKS display -- will always, always suck you in, jangle you crazy, and spit you out, happily exhausted. They've just finished their first "all-new" album in three years, The Day That Didn't Exist (released on spinART), full of ebullient, squealy, beat-crazy power pop. -- RICK LEVIN

ARO.space, 925 E Pike St, 726-8016, 8 pm, $8.