HOT TV STAR! Tues 1/11 Schipacci saw the foxy lady from NBC's The Pretender traipsing around Pacific Place mall downtown. That'd be Andrea Parker... and what's the word, Schip? "She looked good -- reeeealll good -- but also looked really PISSED!" Oh yeah -- pissy Andrea's so hot, she played the sexy nurse in the Emmy-winning Seinfeld episode "The Contest": poor George Costanza, visiting his mom in the hospital, watches Andrea treating a buxom patient to a leisurely, lesbotastic sponge bath! Now, who could possibly stay "master of their domain" with that going on?

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THANK GOD I'M A COUNTRY BOY! Martin & Freddy noticed Q13 Qtie Ron Corning "shaking his groove thing" with an entourage of ladies at the Timberline Sunday Tea Dance 1/9. Martin notes, "Ron's got rhythm, but he needs to loosen up a bit!" Whaddaya expect? Dude's from New England! 路路路 And Fri 1/14, Regis spotted Qtie couple Dan Devone & Leslie Miller at the Paramount for the new "punked-out" Cabaret. Now, a little voice tells me lovely Les turns into an Ice Queen when approached by fans -- any comment, readers?

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SIGHTINGS: Punk-rock Cris saw large-headed ER actor (Dr. Anspaugh) John Aylward at Larry's Market on lower Queen Anne. Says Cris, "I didn't know TV actors were required to wear their makeup ALL THE TIME!" 路路路 Ranger Rick tells me when Canadian rockbird Sarah McLachlan came a-shoppin' in Seattle, she went home with "a really nice lamp made out of seashells" (is that an oxymoron?). 路路路 No wonder rocker Dave Matthews looks so goddam healthy -- I hear his gf is a Bastyr College student!

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LET 'EM EAT CAKE! Did Guv & First Lady Gary & Mona Lee Locke REALLY greet the new millennium at Bill Gates' private party? True, Bill's party was 2,000 times better than the Seattle Snooze, but Gare -- it's mighty easy to forget the little people when you're hanging with the world's richest geek!

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SHERMAN ALEXIE TAKE NOTE: My pal Skillit turned me on to this website, where you're sure to feel right at home: www.mulletsgalore.com/. It even features an educational photo gallery of about 30 detailed "Mullet Classifications." I'd say my beloved Sherman Alexie comes closest to #16 or #25. Mullet Power! 路路路 Speaking of authoritative hairdos, I was entertaining my in-laws (aaaaaughhhhh!!!!) at yupp-o-riffic Cafe Flora Sat 1/15 when I spied a PERFECT Dorothy Hamill wedge at the next table! At 43, "America's Sweetheart" is still skating... y'know, it could've been her!! Who else would wear that hairdo?

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A BIG WANGER: I still haven't listened to The Buzz 100.7 FM's comedy show "Shaken Not Stirred" (Sat 9 pm), but get this: Co-host Scotty Crane's people took exception to my description of him as a PRETTY LITTLE GIRLY-ROCKER-MAN, and sent me a foxy nude photo just to show off Scotty's BIG WANGER. And folks, let me tell you, Scotty has a lovely big pee-pee! Wanna see it? E-mail me and I'll send a picture of Scotty and his BIG WANGER.

I kid because I love. shirley@thestranger.com.

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