THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT: Friday is Industrial Night at the Vogue -- hangout of Capitol Hill's most glamorous night rangers -- so no one was surprised to see the biggest freak of them all. Around midnight, KOMO 4 news veteran Ken Schram turned up, "looking every bit as worn out as he does on TV, in a light-gray suit and turtleneck." Ken (MISTER Schram to you!) seemed quite comfortable at the Vogue, according to witness Kristy: "He was like, 'I'm the shit!'" In his wake, Ken trailed three younger brunette gals, all dressed for a "nice" evening at the Edgewater Hotel's Mud Shark piano bar. Freak-keee! Schram's vanilla posse split soon after Monte the cross-dressing bartender did a pole dance in a vinyl skirt and G-string.
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YOU CAN'T HIDE! A couple of Sundays back, Jason and pals were at IKEA, when he spotted a couple darting through a shortcut between departments. Aaack! It was Home Alone boy John "Macurley Culkin" Curley! Again? Do them Curleys LIVE AT IKEA? KING 5's boyish Evening Magazine host was hugging a pillow, using it to HIDE HIS FACE! ("As if he was all that and a bag of tea-light candles!" Jason wisely notes.) The wife ("Bub," as per Curley's ass-tattoo) dutifully ran interference for hubby, his one eye sticking out from behind the plump Swedish cushion.
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MAC ATTACK: Tues a.m., 3/7, Anna peered out the window of the #7 bus -- and there was actual Macaulay "Home Alone" Culkin and bride Rachel Miner, now both 19, crossing the street at Sixth and Pike. Not only were the lovebirds not holding hands, Mac was downright sulky! Anna noted he looked "withdrawn and distanced from Rachel." My sources say variously that moody Mac -- who hasn't made a film since '94! -- is attending art school at Rhode Island School of Design, and that he'll star in Diary of a Mad Freshman -- currently in Hollywood limbo.
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TONGUE THERAPY: Andrea writes: "We'd just had sushi at Aoki on Broadway, Tues 3/7. Seated alone next to the window was a woman holding a blue, shallow bowl up to her face and LICKING the inside of it. What the... it's sexy City Council Member Heidi Wills! When she'd cleaned up as far as her tongue could reach, the comely bowl-licker actually turned it around and LICKED THE OTHER HALF!! In a restaurant. In the window. On Broadway. Then she looked up at us and smiled. Nuff said." Indeed.
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PUMPKINS GO HOME! The Smashing Pumpkins behaved like asses at their recent "End Session" for 107.7 FM. First, they made the 150 audience members wait almost two hours, then cleared everyone out for a noodley, over-long sound check. When they finally delivered a puny 25-minute set, bald Billy Corgan bored everyone to tears! Curt moans, "What a drag that man is! His skirt and fluffy turtleneck are nice enough, but what a dud!" Worst of all, they kicked out anyone with a camera -- INCLUDING THE END'S OFFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHER! Go back to Chicago, you prissy prima donnas!!
It's all too beautiful.