Last week I called the head of the Washington State Film Office Suzy Kellett a great big LAME-O because she was bragging about that sad, paltry little six-episode replacement series she arranged to be filmed in Seattle--the one based on The Fugitive that I said will probably never air. Remember? Well, that woman chewed my little pink fanny out something fierce! "Adrian!" she said, "If you are going to SLAM me in print, at least get your FACTS STRAIGHT." Then she demanded (well, implied sort of) that I print a correction. Okay, fine: The lame head of the Washington State Film Office was bragging about a sad, paltry little 12-episode replacement series that will probably never air! It is for the WB and will be filming here until Christmas. TWELVE episodes, not SIX. Okay, Suzy? Sheesh!

It seems a popular rap star who attended the EMP Grand Opening concert went snooping for some grand openings of his own! A little birdie tells me that the dirty dog hiphopped into his limousine shortly before the show and ordered the chauffeur to "find me some ho's!" The driver circled aimlessly until they stumbled across an available gaggle of gals. The mad-phat rappa then rolled down his window, dangled some free backstage passes in front of the flustered females, and asked them to "go fer a riiiiiide." Well, as the five women tried to discern exactly what the notorious gangsta rappa meant by "riiiiiide," he got impatient and screamed, "GET IN THIS CAR, BITCHES!" And you know what? THOSE SLUTS GOT IN! Cruisin' for BITCHES--now THAT'S what celebrity is all about! I just hope for the sake of my well-chewed heinie that EVERY FRICKIN' LITTLE DETAIL of this FILTHY and PERVERTED tale is 150% accurate, and it wasn't SIX girls in a TAXICAB or something. I wouldn't want some randy rhymester getting all bent outta shape and sending me hate mail.

And don't come crying to me if Seattle's freaky-eyed glass artist (or freaky, glass-eyed artist) Dale Chihuly didn't actually say he'd do "whatever it takes" to lure artist/Sonics first-rounder Desmond Mason away from the bench and into his art studio. I got THAT scoop directly from supeshoops.net. According to the site, old Patch refers to Mason as "the yin to my yang" (oh, really?), wants Mason to be his apprentice, and likens himself and Mason to Warhol and Basquiat!

Then there's that rumor floating around about sweet, brilliant, and dazzling Piggy from Road Rules. Seems she was so shitfaced at Neighbours that she had to get down and pray to the great porcelain god (YACK) in the fag bar's ladies' room before composing herself enough to stagger home! I guarantee that every teensy little detail is the GOSPEL TRUTH--she told me so herself! She also promised to pass on my request for a date (read: 15 sleazy minutes in an alley and don't-tell-anybody-or-I'll-kick-your-ass) with sex-a-licious Real World Seattle hunk David. (Did I mention how sweet, dazzling, and brilliant Piggy is?)

And for those hungry for more hints on the identity of the indie rocker who tried to get two girls to go DOWN DOWN on his TRANSISTOR in a cab, here's the 411: He is cute but PLAIN, often blond, and, according to a fan site, his favorite toothbrush color is blue with gold sparkles. And if that isn't 100% accurate, well, sue me, DAMMIT!

I am watching you. Try to be interesting. Send dirt to adrian@thestranger.com.