No one I know makes New Year's resolutions anymore. They're a weird, dated concept, sort of like that list of what gift goes with what wedding anniversary.
That's a shame, because there are people in the world who need... well, a little fine tuning. Now I try not to pull rank outside my own dungeon, but, hey, I am a dominatrix! So here is my list of New Year's resolutions I wish other people would make.
路 Even though I would enjoy being the erotic slave of many women that I see at fetish events, I understand that my wishing does not make it so. I resolve not to kiss their feet--or anything else --without specific permission.
路 I accept that doing BDSM "online," while entertaining for me, is not the same as in-person BDSM play. I resolve to exclude my cyber experiences when presenting my kink resume to potential real-life play partners.
路 Very few people over the age of 23 look good with flat-black or neon-colored hair, and I am probably not one of them. I resolve to adopt a hair color that could conceivably be found in nature.
路 Unless I am planning to perform a hula dance or be installed in a car wash, having more than two floggers hanging from my belt is too many. I resolve to limit myself.
路 I realize that my erotic dominance does not rest on my knowing absolutely, positively, everything there is to know about BDSM all the time. I resolve to add the phrase "I didn't know that" to my vocabulary.
路 Though the possession of thigh-high boots and a demanding personality may seem like key assets for a budding professional dominatrix, I understand that talent and technical expertise are also called for. I resolve to strengthen my skill set before hanging out a shingle.
路 While I loved Boy George and Aimee Mann in the 1980s, their hairstyles have moved on, and so should mine. I resolve to cut off my rattail.
路 Wearing a black T-shirt and black pants with white running shoes is a fetish fashion "Don't." I resolve to buy a pair of black shoes.
路 I understand that Mistress Matisse often attempts to be witty in her column, and so I resolve to not send her injured or irate e-mails about her remarks, without first considering the idea that she might not be completely serious.
