We've been friends forever, and I love you, but this platonic situation has become unbearable. I am left with no choice but to declare war on your underpants. The landing area beneath your underpants will be kept as intact as possible, but some disruption is inevitable. There will be a substantial presence (but probably for only a very short period of time). Covert forces have already been launching attacks on the area approximately two feet to the north of the underpants, meeting little resistance so far. There will be a brief sortie near the cerebral command center, followed by a march to the south, culminating in an all-out blitzkrieg. The underpants will have to come off, or risk being destroyed. A lengthy occupation will ensue, with a specially trained oral tactical team sent in to make sure the area is safe and secure. When the area has been properly secured, we will bring out our biggest available missile. Bombing will be swift. We will conquer, divide, and roll through. Save your underpants and SURRENDER NOW!!

--Anonymous