My dear coworker, no matter what Kate Moss and Oscar De La Renta try to tell you, perfume does not make you a more attractive person. It makes you smell like some kind of phony, fruity, gross old lady trying to cover up the scent of rot. It's not only disgusting--it's rude. As I sit here typing this, I know you can hear that I have been coughing and sneezing for the past 20 minutes--all because you felt the need to frickin' bathe in whatever rank-ass scent you have selected for today. And your desk isn't even near mine! If I had to sit next to you, I would literally have to leave work for the day. What's I find truly shocking is that you're the most severe asthmatic I've ever known! How can you tolerate that crap when my pink and robust respiratory system quakes at your very approach? And I'll bet the people on the bus hate you just as much as I do. May you rot in the karmic, foul smelling hell you've created for yourself.