Dear Reverend Buddy: I was on a date with this guy and we had sex—I didn’t really want to but I didn’t really tell him that. Was it rape? Or sex? I’m confused.
—Yours, Alicia
It doesn’t matter whether you wanted to fornicate—all that matters is where you fornicated. According to Deuteronomy 22: 23-30, “If a man find a betrothed damsel in a field, and force her, and lie with her,” he should be stoned to death at the city gates. But if the man “find her in the city, and lie with her,” you both should die.
Dear Reverend Buddy: I am a Christian and a public-school teacher. Our district is debating whether to teach “intelligent design.” What do you think?
—Sincerely, Abigail
Creationists and evolutionists are alike in their foolish arrogance. As the Lord asked Job: “Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth?” More importantly, you must resign immediately. Timothy 2:11 tells us that no woman should “teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent.” Shame on you.