Please excuse the truncated Table of Contents. Evidently the (low-wattage) powers-that-be at The Stranger are attempting to undermine my authority yet again. Their excuse: a smaller paper size during January's wintry economic climate. Their real excuse: My weekly criticisms have caused them to soil their nappies (yet again!), and like the petulant children they are, they've seen fit to throw another tantrum. NEWS This week's news lead has been penned by none other than MEGAN SELING, music columnist and calendar editor. It's a decent read, but I have one question: Just why does The Stranger employ four full-time "news writers" when the biggest space in the section is pawned off to a pencil from another department? ALSO: Some blather about the state legislature. FEATURE Hot on the heels of the Pulitzer-worthy screeds "F*ck the South" and "F*ck Christmas" comes "F*ck the New York Times," The Stranger's latest attempt at destroying the mainstream publications they obviously want so desperately to be a part of. My advice: Stick with the Gray Lady, and save the f-word for this paper. I'm sure they'll find a use for it. ARTS Very little to report given that there's very little to report on. One highlight: CHARLES MUDEDE's film lead, which is filled with the special sort of waxing of an incomprehensible nature that Mudede has built his laughable career on. For those looking for salient criticism, look elsewhere. For those who like to chuckle at an obvious air of nonexistent superiority, make yourself at home. AND FINALLY: The cesspool of columns that brings The Stranger to a limping close on a weekly basis, none of which is deserving of any real mention save for this: Celebrity I Saw U remains, as always, terminally gay.COVER ART Jay Ryan, Show opening and book signing at OlivoDoce Jan 13.