I vividly recall the first time I ever had my whole hand inside a woman's pussy. I was 19, and my girlfriend was a sexy butch woman with an appetite for deep penetration. One night—we were on the living room floor, I believe—I had all four fingers inside her and was fucking her as hard as I could, trying to match the tempo of her fast-pumping hips. In our thrashing tangle of limbs, my hand pivoted from the usual thumb-to-the-clit position to a diagonal approach. I instinctively pressed my thumb against my palm so my fingernail wouldn't jab her. As I did, she thrust herself against me like a roller-derby queen butting aside a competitor, and to my surprise and momentary alarm, I felt my whole hand slide into her.

"Baby, are you okay?"

"Don't fucking stop!"

So I didn't. Since then I've had my hand in a lot of pussies, albeit with more forethought and preparation. Done properly with a happy partner, fisting is safe and won't damage a woman's body. There is an excellent book about vaginal fisting called A Hand in the Bush by Deborah Addington, but here are some basics.

First, understand that not every woman is able to take a fist. She may not like the intensity of that level of penetration, and—especially if she hasn't had children—she may simply not be built to accommodate it. So if she likes the idea, try it. But don't get all goal-oriented about it, and stop instantly if she says it's too much.

I wear latex gloves when I fist, and I think that's best. If you don't want to glove up, you will need a very close, very smooth manicure. (Girls with long nails can put a cotton ball in the fingertip of each glove.)

Even if she's a naturally juicy girl, you'll need plenty of water-based lube. Start one finger at a time, and go slowly—it's going to take awhile to get your whole hand in there. When you've got four fingers inside her and she's happy with that and ready to go on, pour some more lube on—it's never too much—and then rotate your hand so it's diagonal, tuck your thumb under, and bring your fingers together to a point. If she's nervous about the next step, try this: Hold your hand still and let her rock back and forth on it. Don't move an inch—let her control the speed and depth of penetration. Some women also like to use a vibrator on their clits at this point, to balance the intense sensation of the hand entering them. But however you do it, keep the motion going, and you'll feel the vaginal opening stretch, and then—when it's ready—swallow up your hand. Even though I've done it a lot, it's always a remarkable sensation to feel myself being taken in, and a striking visual as well.

Once you get in past the wide spot at the knuckle, sometimes women will want you to pause for a moment and let them adjust the feeling of fullness. (Although just as often you will get the "don't stop!" response.) And when you're fully inside, all the way to the wrist, let your fingers curl under and form—ta-da!—a loose fist.

Porn movies aside, when you fist, you usually don't pump your arm back and forth like a piston. Just a few inches of motion is often enough to make her eyes roll back into her head. But let her hips be your guide. When it's time to come out, remove your hand just as gently and slowly as you put it in.

Fisting someone is always a moving experience for me. It feels powerful to stretch a lover to her capacity, but there's a touch of vulnerability about being so deeply inside her, too. I've fisted women bigger than I am who threw me all over the bed in the midst of their energetic orgasms, so it's definitely not an activity in which the fister is always in total control of the action. But then, that can be part of the fun.


Kink Calendar



Erotic dance and spoken-word entertainment in an intimate, art-studio setting, with some audience participation. Little Red Studio, 328-4758, www.littleredstudioseattle.com, 6:30 pm, ticket prices vary, RSVP required.


Do you want to give yourself up to someone in an erotic sense? Do you want to surrender to a partner's wishes, orders, or demands? Jennifer of Libido Events can show you how to become a better, more sought-after play-partner. Wet Spot, 1–3 pm, $20, membership not required.



The Godmother of Masturbation, Dr. Betty Dodson, has declared May National Masturbation Month, and in honor of that, Jennifer of Libido Events is teaching a mixed-gender class on tips and tricks for self-pleasure. Wet Spot, 1 pm–3:30 pm, $25, membership not required. ($5 coupon for Wet Spot members to attend the following JO-Palooza, a mixed-gender masturbation party later that night).


Want a men-only celebration of Masturbation Month? Rain City Jacks is a private, men-only JO club that's alcohol-, smoke-, and attitude-free. 1-4 pm (doors close at 2 pm), raincityjacks.org or rc@raincityjacks.org, membership required.


Come watch the kinky sparks fly during the final day of competition in the 18th Annual Seattle Scrabble Tournament (conveniently located in a hotel, for all your Scrabble groupies). Upping the kink factor: Spectators are required to remain completely silent. Red Lion Hotel, 1415 Fifth Ave, games begin at 9:30 am, free.



Looking for local fetish nights, dungeon play parties, swing events, and other sex-positive activities? Allena Gabosch, executive director of the Wet Spot, provides information on local events, resources, and proper etiquette when attending sex-positive events. Babeland, 707 E Pike St, 328-2914, 7:30 pm, free.