Is getting fucked an inherently submissive act? That's what was on the mind of a woman who recently asked: "I'm a dominant, but I still want to get fucked in my scene. How do I do that without losing the edge?"

I hear this question regularly from female dominants with male partners (and a few male ones as well). Traditional sexual culture equates being penetrated with being submissive. But who needs tradition? I say you can run the show and still get the orifice of your choice stimulated just the way you like it. Here are some options:

• The most obvious thing to do is immobilize him. You can do the classic four-point tie to the bed, but for serious fucking, I actually prefer tying his legs together. It's easier to straddle him and control his movement that way, and you can roll and angle his hips to one side or the other as you prefer. Extra bonus: Tie his arms and legs to his sides, then wrap plastic wrap around him from shoulders to ankles—leaving the fun parts exposed, of course. I guarantee you he will not feel dominant.

• Tie him sitting in a narrow chair and sit on him, facing either way. A butt plug up his ass will make you bouncing vigorously on his lap even more entertaining.

• You don't have to be physically on top of him to stay on top of the scene. Try this: Tie a long length of smaller-gauge rope around his ballsack. (Make sure you can easily get it untied, though, or use a stretchy cock ring.) Now, run the rope back between his butt cheeks, up his back, and forward over his shoulder. Hold the end in your hand and create a level of tension that ensures you have his complete attention. Don't yank it sharply, and pay attention to his feedback, but don't be shy about a slow, steady pull. Scrotum skin is actually more elastic than you might think.

Now lie back, spread your legs, and show him the sweet spot. With lust driving him forward and you drawing him back again, you should be able to get exactly what you want from your fuck-puppet. Having the skin of his cock drawn back tightly will make him more sensitive, too. But if he needs any extra encouragement to stretch forward, nipple clamps work nicely as a come-hither tool.

• Nothing says "Darling, just shut up and fuck me!" like gags and blindfolds. I often prefer a semisheer blindfold, like a scarf or a pair of panties. Men are usually so visual that total blackouts aren't a turn-on. But covering up their eyes and mouths, even partially, can shift their heads into the right gear.

• But it's also a question of getting your own head into the proper space. You can just get your attitude on and say, "You're going to fuck me exactly the way I say, because that's what I want." If you believe it, they'll believe it, because you're the Mistress.