MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 T he week kicks off with a horrifying mystery from Tacoma, which commenced yesterday morning when police arrived to interview the 31-year-old woman who'd shown up in the emergency room of Tacoma General Hospital with signs of sexual trauma and a shocking story. As the woman told police, she was driving near the Tacoma Mall between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. Saturday when she was pulled over by a man wearing a uniform, carrying a gun, and driving a vehicle with what looked like a police light in the window. The man held her in his vehicle for up to nine hours, during which time he raped her, she reported. No suspects have been identified, and as Tacoma police detective Brad Graham told KIRO, "all possible scenarios" remain on the table, including the possibility that the woman's attacker could have been a police officer, someone posing as a police officer, or a security guard in a vehicle that looks like a police car.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 Speaking of awful rape stories: The week continues with an update on Roman Polanski, the celebrated film director arrested last Saturday in Zurich, three decades after he fled the United States, where he'd pleaded guilty to drugging and anally raping a 13-year-old girl he'd been hired to photograph in 1977. Almost as appalling as Polanski's 30-year-old crime are his contemporary supporters, a cornucopia of film and entertainment types from the U.S. and Europe who apparently think drugging and anally raping a child is no big whoop and signed a petition demanding Polanski's immediate release. Meanwhile in Switzerland, today Polanski's attorney filed a request seeking his client's release from jail while his extradition case works its way through the courts; one week from today, the Swiss Justice Ministry will reject the request, citing Polanski's "high risk of flight" should he be released. And so Polanski remains imprisoned while Swiss courts figure out the U.S.'s request for his extradition. "We are talking about three, four months easily," said former prosecutor Peter Cosandey to the Los Angeles Times.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 In WAY better news, the week continues with Stranger Genius Award Announcement Day, when this paper's various arts editors run around town bestowing congratulatory cakes on five beloved local artists and one beloved local arts organization, each of which will receive $5,000, no-strings-attached cash prizes and a humongous party in their honor. Recipients of today's "You're a Frickin' Genius!"–iced cakes: avant-garde comedy troupe and 2009 Theater Geniuses the Cody Rivers Show, multimedia tornado and 2009 Visual Art Genius Jeffry Mitchell, music-video mastermind and 2009 Film Genius Zia Mohajerjasbi, deep-'n'-twisty-fiction maker and 2009 Literature Genius Stacey Levine, and the visionaries and 2009 Arts Organization Geniuses at the Pacific Northwest Ballet. All of these folks and the city that loves them will celebrate with a big party November 13 at the Moore. See you there.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 1 Speaking of geniuses, today doesn't involve any, just some Florida doofus who was arrested after allegedly jumping into a stranger's pool while naked and covered in feces. Details come from the always-amazing Local 6 News, which reports the unfortunate pool owner told police that he heard someone crash through the screen of his pool and splash into the water. By the time police arrived at the man's Stuart, Florida, home, the pool intruder had fled, with a K-9 unit soon tracking him to a nearby home, where 21-year-old Robert Stark Higgins—the formerly feces-covered man who "told deputies he had been drinking"—was charged with burglary to an occupied dwelling, disorderly conduct, and misdemeanor theft (he allegedly swiped one of the pool owner's towels). Higgins remains held at the Martin County Jail in lieu of $10,500 bail.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 2 The week continues with the long-awaited results of Michael Jackson's autopsy, during which the eternally beguiling musical-genius-turned-global-superstar-turned-cautionary-tale-about-the-dark-side-of-the-American-dream was cut open by professionals to see what made him tick and/or stop ticking. Among the shocking discoveries shared by the Associated Press: Despite being covered with plastic-surgery scars, Michael Jackson was relatively healthy, with his most significant medical ailment being his chronically inflamed lungs. Also: "Jackson had several tattoos, all of them cosmetic, including dark tattoos in the areas of both eyebrows and under his eyes, and a pink tattoo around his lips. He was going bald at the front of his head, with his remaining hair described as short and tightly curled. The bald part of his scalp was darkened with what appeared to be a tattoo stretching across the top of his head from ear to ear... The coroner also found Jackson was actively producing sperm." Meanwhile, Jackson's former physician Dr. Conrad Murray remains the target of what police are thus far labeling a manslaughter investigation, following the coroner's office's classification of Jackson's death as a homicide caused by "acute propofol intoxication," with the standard of care for administering the quick-hit anesthetic not met and the recommended equipment for patient monitoring, precision dosing, and resuscitation missing. Criminal charges are pending.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 3 Nothing happened today, unless you count... nope, nothing.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 4 The week ends with not one but two stories of people being viciously attacked by animals. Story number one comes from Lakeland, Florida, where today a 74-year-old woman was mauled by a pack of raccoons. As the Associated Press reports, septuagenarian Gretchen Whitted fell to the ground after five raccoons surrounded and attacked her in her yard. "We're not talking about a lot of little bites here," said Polk County sheriff Grady Judd to the Associated Press. "She was filleted." Ms. Whitted was hospitalized with "extensive cuts from her neck to her legs," and animal-control officers hope to catch the gang of violent raccoons "using cat food and sardines as bait." Story number two comes from Allentown, Pennsylvania, where tonight a woman was cleaning the cage of her husband's 350-pound black bear when she was fatally mauled by a 350-pound black bear. As the AP reports, 37-year-old Kelly Ann Walz was pronounced dead at the scene, where her husband was found to be operating an unlicensed exotic-pet dealership. Condolences to all. recommended

Send Hot Tips to