Columns Feb 24, 2011 at 4:00 am

Still Spreading

Comments

1
Dan Savage for president!!!
2
Santorum is just mad because he keeps getting his name caught between his teeth, thus tying his public caricature and his pathetically closeted intern couch time together..
3
Am I missing something, or does the reply to Unforgiving not answer her question? It seems like Unforgiving was saying "I want surgery to fix this, but until I can afford the surgery, what else can I try?" and the reply was "Hey, surgery might be able to fix that."
4
@3 Oh, never mind, I see now that the point was that she could get it covered by her insurance. So the reply wasn't entirely unhelpful, but still, how about giving her some non-surgical suggestions too?
5
Relaunching http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/?

That sounds FAB-U-LOUS! I can't wait!
6
Geez, loads of things can cause virilization in a post-menopausal woman, and NONE of them are good. My gut clenched when I read that letter. I hope that lady is ok and that whatever the cause, they catch it in time to fix it.
7
Doctors aren't eager to restitch things down there after the birth. The mess from my first birth didn't get fixed until my second kid was born. So don't believe your doctor that vaginas fix themselves. I like Herbenick's advice to look into surgery again.

But, fingers & tongues also work on vaginas, and oral sex works for many penises, and anal can be a lot more fun for the bottom if the top has a relatively small penis. So until you get that surgery, you do have many options...

8
Actually I just checked and Ricky-poo is actually Third on the list, the Spreading Santorum site is #1, but the wiki article is #2.
9
Okay, what's a vulva puppet?
11
Hunter78,

Go chug some santorum, you half-witted misogynistic asshat.
12
His name probably too common to have has much fun with, but I would love to see Wisconsin governor Scott Walker's name be redefined, or at least associated with some new definition. Sarah Palin brought us the "Anchorage Steamer," for example.
13
Thanks, echizen_kurage. I have great sex with my husband, so it's easy to ignore H78's insults. But I fear for other women, intimidated into disbelieving their own experiences. A woman who speaks out honestly about her sexual experiences is told there must be something wrong with her, if she didn't get satisfied by all that dick. Next thing you know, uppity women might refuse to "surrender" to the almighty dick. What a tool.
14
WTF? SNAZ can't talk to her gynocologist about her twat? Her GYNOCOLOGIST?? What the hell are her exams like, anyway? "Hi, SNAZ, could you spread a little more?" "Well, hello, doctor. Nice shoes you are wearing, can we talk about the upcoming election?"

Really, SNAZ - grow a pair to go with that clit and talk to your doctor.

And I hope it all turns out OK.
15
"...an election he lost by an 18-point santorumslide."

Santorumslide? Pure gold!
16
Post #10 has me convinced: no anal ever. Good to have that settled.
17
Santorum is a has - been who is hinting at a presidential run in a desperate hope of being picked up as VP, or at least as a FOX talking head.
Little chance of the former, though the latter is a sad possiblity. But I eagerly await the relaunch of the only Santorum website worth visiting...
18
@ 10 - One thing you've made clear for all of us: you most definitely are an even worse lay than those EricaP talks about.

19
@Unforgiving
In the mean time, you might want to try anal sex for a tighter fit for your hubby, and a larger toy for yourself. If you are new to anal sex, work up slowly. You could even try both at the same time. The combination worked well with my last partner!
20
Let all hope that www.spreadingsantorum.com keeps him from getting anywhere close to public office again.
21
Wow! Hunter78 (#10) is a total prick. Let's all hope that someone get's some www.spreadingsantorum.com on his precious dick soon.
22
You know, I'm not a huge tech person, but I hope that with the relaunch of www.spreadingsantorum.com it will become the no. 1 search result not just for "santorum" but also for "rick santorum", "santorum 2012", and other election related search terms. Tech savvy at risk youth, can you make that happen?
23
"santorumslide"

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
24
@10 Let me guess. You're a level 3 offender, right?
25
I'm starting to think we have to go back to the '90s to find a Savage Love column that actually features interesting letters.
26
Hey EricaP and idiot @10, where can we find the beginning of that conversation?
27
santorumslide. I like that.
28
#16...don't let that douche Hunter turn you off anal....most non-fucktards *love* anal and "respect you even MORE" if you are willing to give it a go. Hell, makes me come like gangbusters ;)
29
I find it odd that SNAZ's gyno "checked out" her megaclit and didn't say anything to confirm or deny there was a potential problem. Guess SNAZ is going to need to bring it up first.
30
@amandariffic, I think this will explain: http://www.mysexprofessor.com/columns/th…
31
Once again we have the ladies lining up to bash the guys.

1. (from the column) "women should not have surgery to please there man." Ahh, now I understand. If you do something to please your man, even if it also pleases you, then you are a whore submitting to nightly rape. Got it. Ladies, do you have any fucking idea how many men would get a dick enlargement if that was available? How about almost ALL of the small dicked guys in the entire world. Wait, they should not do that because it might please the women. Sauce for the goose?

2. The bashers of #10 demonstrating his point. In case you missed it #10 referenced the penultimate (straight) male fantasy of penetrating a woman. He then noted his pleasure in achieving anal penetration was, in part, attributable to the pursuit of tail and "winning' the conquest. These emotional objections are all a part of the feminization of our culture. Anything remotely and uniquely male is castigated, chastised and labeled as deviant, sexist, pervert, rapist.

Imagine how UNOFFENSIVE it would be perceived if a fag had commented how he likes the conquest of male butt and how he never looks at his lover in the same way after he has been inside his ass.

News flash for you feminazis on this board: Since so many of you have never been with a man here are some facts. (Most) Men are turned on by the chase. Men are excited by a challenge. Men are excited by the chance to score by convincing a coy mistress to accede to his desires and yes, men are very excited when they can ease it inside an extra tight space while the women moans to go slow, it is too big....

If y'all would pull the wad out of your panties and get your tongue out of your girlfriends twat you might stop thinking of "normal" male sexual behavior and very legitimate sexual feelings as rape, or oppressing women, or as evidence of the entrenched patriarchy perpetuating the gender dialectic. You would then be better able to deal with your reflexive hatred and jealousy of men and also whatever additional erratic, emotional, clueless reaction you might have.
32
@26, it's just last week's Savage Love column, Safety Valve, now up to 302 comments. Troll wanted more attention, that's why he took the unusual step of continuing the insults from that thread over here.
33
Newsflash to the "Professor": I am not bashing guys. I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE men. I just think Hunter is a misogynistic douche. As are you.

The post where he stated that he "felt differently" about a woman who let him up her ass implyed he felt less of her, like she was a dirty piece to be promptly disposed of. The *very few* men I have granted access to my ass have felt honored, as they knew they have reached a level of trust I have reserved for only a tiny, tiny few (ok, TWO) men in my life. Sexually excited? Of course, but also knew what it meant, and Hunter implied JUST the opposite....instead of being a position of trust and honor, it made him feel his partner was cheap and a whore.
34
@31 - you're the first person to bring up rape on this thread. Projecting much? It came up in last week's SL column when I talked about two guys this year who inserted their dicks in my unlubed ass when I had said specifically that wasn't okay. That fall outside the definition of rape for you too? Just "normal male sexual behavior"?
35
@11 that brand of sex-negative man hating douche feminist isn't really present on this board. Save your vitriol.

And damn, poor Unforgiven. i love dick!! oral sex is oookay, but I would be miserable if dick didn't do it anymore. Makes elective C-sections look mighty attractive.
36
@34, if this has happened with two different guys in one year (I'm not sure if this was a group thing or separate incidents), then that moves things from anomaly to a pattern, and you may seriously want to consider your screening process / signals that you're giving off before/during intercourse. You're right to consider this rape, but the fact that it happened twice to you is extremely striking,..
37
Did the first letter sound like a fake to anyone else? The imagery, not to mention description of inappropriate behavior by her doc, all scream phony to me...
38
I think "stiffy needs a zip code" as a pen name is hilarious! Awesome sense of humor. I'm just sorry that a medical pro. thinks there might be an underlying issue with the recent growth, good luck with that. Remember your sense of humor when you talk with the gyno.
39
@36 (freshnycman)...

Nice victim-blaming! It's striking (though not surprising) that 2 men thought this was an appropriate thing to do to a woman.
40
Hope you all caught Steven Colbert's segment about Santorum Monday!
41
Hunter78, Professor, speaking as a man who has undoubtedly had more pussy in his life than the two of you combined: Shut up and fuck off. The reason women won't have sex with you isn't because they are bitches and feminazis: it is because you are both giant assholes whose fear and loathing of women radiates from you like the stench of flopsweat.

Ladies, on behalf of my gender: sorry about those guys. We think they are pricks too.
42
@ Professor Troll --

Penile implants are actually available. You should probably stop trolling and go get one.
43
If your kitty is prolapsed, have anal sex instead. I mean, it's right there. Give it a shot!
44
@41: please don't think that you have to apologize on behalf of your gender any more than we (ladies) ought to apologize for Sarah Palin and the like.
@31: she specifically says that the woman is NOT getting surgery to please her man! she's just making the point for OTHER women out there that they shouldn't feel pressured to change their vaginas regardless of what a dude says to them. but then makes it clear that that's not what's happening here. sheesh, defensive much?
45
Great advice, as usual, Dan. My only criticism is that you were too hard on the gynecologist ("too stupid to spot what could be a symptom of common lady-parts cancers.") The size of clits varies from person to person. Some are naturally larger than others, just like penises. The gynecologist won't remember from year to year just how big a certain patient's clit was. It's the patient's responsibility to bring up any concerns she has, including changes she has noticed.
SNAZ is assuming the doctor was wide-eyed about the size of her clit. But for all we know, that doctor was just doing another routine exam when she suddenly remembered she left the bath water running at home.
46
@16 certainly not with ppl who have @10's mindset, that's for sure! Ugh.

Looking forward to the relaunch of spreading santorum. I'll do my part with the link love :)

47
Obama has decided DOMA is unconstitutional and will recommend it be overturned in addition to stopping defending it in court!

Also, hilariously subversive Colbert last night instructing people to Google-bomb Santorum even more.
48
@36 This year was an experiment in trying to find hot sex with strangers who charmed me online. What I found was mostly bad sex. This was covered in last week's SL thread, where I came to the conclusion that, yes, I should change my approach. I'm now focusing on getting to know people in sex-positive social circles (poly, bdsm) so that the guys I sleep with know that they will see me again, socially. I think lack of accountability is a major part of the reason I had so much bad sex.

I'm not so interested by the 2 guys who may have crossed the rape line. (One was "an accident" and the other was a D/s scene with an inexperienced dom who thought he could rely on me safewording if I didn't like him ignoring my stated boundaries. He forgot that he had told me to be quiet. I play edgy games with strangers...I own that and I don't call these incidents rape, myself.) I'm more interested in the 11 out of 11 NSA guys with whom the sex started okay and then got crappy, for me.

I liked badgirl's advice @293 in that thread: "Some of the crappiest ones were downright inconsiderate, but I always got out of there as soon as possible after discovering this." If I had gotten up and left when I stopped having fun, that would have eliminated a lot of time spent enduring bad sex. I liked most of the guys, personally, and I enjoyed the first bit, but I would stick it out to try to get them to orgasm, even after I stopped having fun. They didn't feel that obligation towards me, and I do see that as a difference in how (most) men and women are socialized.
49
@41 Way to go.

For the lady with the shredded kitty (hysterical choice of words!), may I suggest the We Vibe II. It's a u-shaped insertable vibrator for couples. One end stimulates the clit and the other end is inserted for g-spot stimulation. It has the added benefit of making your vag feel tighter. And the vibrations should help both you and your husband get off.
50
@36 Two incidences do not a pattern make, asshole. Is it that hard for you to imagine that two men might force themselves unwanted on the same woman in one year?
@41 Thank you.
@44 I think we are actually partially responsible for Sarah Palin. It's time for people of every gender to look at the people who are making the rest of us look like assholes and say "Stop it, that's not okay." Kind of like the NALT Christians that Dan's always talking about.
@Hunter & Professor: I take much pleasure and satisfaction in knowing that I can get laid any time I want by a whole host of men who treat me with respect and not like their personal cumbuckets, as you two must do with the few, unfortunate women who have been desperate enough to sleep with you.
51
@SNL - totally smelled a fake. Fakity fake fake. "wide-eyed" gyno? Fake. This is a crossdresser who is fantasizing about how he could have grown a dick from a pussy, as men who cross-dress often do.

@Hunter - until you've fucked ten men, you don't know how many are shitty in bed. I have, she has, and we both say the majority are shitty. As does every other woman I know with double digits under their belt. It does depend on who you're fucking, however - as I said before, NSA guys are not well-known to be generous and talented lovers. If you've only fucked long term boyfriends, your "good" percentage may be higher because you've trained them. And they have a reason to want you to keep coming back.

It super sucks that you were victimized like this, EricaP. That it happened twice in a year may be partially because they were NSA guys. But not necessarily, fresh. Most women report having been sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives - and until you understand just how widespread and common women being touched without permission, ignored about their limits, pressured and yes, raped, you sound like an idiot blaming her for what happened. Let me tell you what probably happened in that man's head and you tell me if it sounds similar to anything your buddies have said: "She's just a slut, man." "She wants it, you can tell." "I did X to her." To her, not with her, notice. "A few drinks will loosen her up" "I got mine" "She said no at first but then she let me". Until men stop seeing sex as a "conquest" and women as "surrendered" these assaults will continue. Sex isn't something you can steal or earn. It's a shared experience.
52
@16 for women nervous about anal, I wanted to add that in addition to lube & warm-up play, I highly recommend the woman-on-top position. When I'm in control of the depth and speed of penetration, I am able to relax much more.
53
@48 (EricaP)...

As a fellow poly girl (and proud slut), I can totally identify with you on this. It's part of the process of unlearning/reframing a lot of the messages about sex we've been hearing our whole lives. As women, one of the primary messages of empowerment we receive (sanctioned by sex-negative culture) is that we have a right to say "no" (I do not minimize the importance of this message, but on its own it's insufficient and leaves girls without a model for empowered chosen sex).

As I embraced sex-positivity, I spent the entirety of my 20s indulging my right to enthusiastically say "yes." The downside of that is that I actually got kind of bad at saying "no."

It can be weirdly difficult to find where "no" fits in a sex-positive identity, and it sounds like you're navigating that right now. But I think your plan sounds good, and I'm glad the experiences that led to this didn't cause you harm. Just remember that saying "no" is just as much a part of getting what you want sexually as saying "yes" and "right there" and "harder, please!" (which I know you are a fierce advocate of ;) )
54
@53 Yes! One problem is that guys don't take absence-of-enthusiasm as a "no". They take it as "yes." So to change an unpleasant activity, I have to say "no," but it's hard to keep the interaction friendly and sexy while saying "no." So I put up with things I don't like, out of niceness or in (unrealistic) hope of getting back to "yes" and "harder, please" and "don't stop!!"
55
Just want to chime in with @45 that everyone has a duty to be a "good patient" and tell the health care provider of ANY changes in anatomy or symptomology. Don't expect them to remember anything from visit to visit - personal responsibility, people!
56
For the stretched out lady: I'm surprised Dan didn't suggest the simple, one-word solution: ANAL!
57
She's 50 and she's "been in menopause for a long time"?? On what planet?
58
@57 I have a friend who started at 35. Lot of variation.
59
I make it a habit to check the site at least daily. If all of dan's readers did that......
60
I love that santorum has earned the googlehack of his name and I feel he should not be allowed to run a family, much less an office. With that said I am not sure it would really make a difference.

Joe Biden is a heinous, pro-corporate, anti-individual right, pro-FBI, pro-warrant-less-search asshat and he still became the VP.

The less said of Cheney the better.
The less said of Gore the better, but at least he had a decent rep on most levels before he became VP.
Quayle... LOL

You get the idea that it will not limit his VP chances. Now, let us think about it harming his presidential campaign... The people dumb enough to vote for him will consider it a badge of honor that we think he is a putz, and the corporations will not look past his willingness to work for them rather than for the people.

61
@EricaP: So to change an unpleasant activity, I have to say "no," but it's hard to keep the interaction friendly and sexy while saying "no."

In a situation where your partner isn't violating your boundaries but they're not really pleasing you, either, try forgoing "no" (or other negative phrases) and ask for something you do want instead. This way you can still be friendly and sexy and kinda sidetrack the person from whatever icky thing they were doing.

'Course if your partner is deliberately violating your boundaries, feel free to haul out the "no" as well as the "WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSWIPE GET OFF ME" (if you feel you can do so without things escalating to violence, of course). A loud, direct, unwavering NO can be a very effective teaching tool for certain kinds of pushy, manipulative guys.
62
Yeahhh...I don't see how anal would generally be more pleasing for a woman than vaginal sex. Imagine if she messes up anal...then she'll have a shredded kitty and a shredded anus!
63
My first time having anal was also unlubed and a "surprise," at least to me. And it was also a NSA guy from the internet. So I'm not at all surprised that this happened to EricaP, although it is still disgusting behaviour on the men's part. No, two guys out of 11 doing this is not a pattern, nor is it at all EricaP's fault.
64
@#9: A vulva puppet is a stuffie/hand puppet, made of various fabrics and other materials, which resembles a stylized vulva, complete with clit you can make erect by pulling a string in the back of the vulva. I had the opportunity to stay in the San Francisco guest house run by sex performance artist Dorrie Lane about 15 years ago, and got to see dozens of these cute things up close and personal. The ones I saw are about the size of a throw pillow, and can be used as such (but why would you want to?):

http://www.houseochicks.com/

If you can cringe through the perpetually bad spelling and grammar, this site is interesting to navigate. I believe Dorrie now makes a miniature version, as well as custom versions.
65
perversecowgirl@61: Thanks, you're right that redirection is a useful approach. I need to train myself to move mentally from "ick, I don't like this" to "what do I want?" Once I've named that new thing in my own head, whether it's a sexual activity or a drink of water or putting on my clothes and walking out the door -- it will definitely be easier to focus on getting it.
66
@63, thanks for the support, sorry that happened to you too, and hope you've had many better experiences since.
67
Another hearty agreement with @ 41.

H78 and Prof are tools. For those of us males who are thoughtful and attentive in the sack, those kind of human pimples really poison the water.
68
@66 Oh, for sure and I actually really like anal now, especially since my boyfriend is always understanding if any given day, I'm not up for it. Just wanted to point out to douches like hunter78 that your experiences are not isolated or rare, unfortunately.
69
EricaP @54:
Just noticed your comment thread. Wow, fascinating, and thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm surprised you've encountered so many bad lays. I've always assumed a woman in your position would have her pick from hundreds of male candidates, so naturally the guys who end up getting picked must fuck like champs. Apparently not.

Have you tried any married men? Maybe you'd have better luck if you did, although I suppose that would be "wrong".

Also, I have to wonder whether the NSA/Lustlab hookups are doomed simply because there's so much focus/pressure/high expectations surrounding the sex without much opportunity to connect in a more "natural" way. Personally, it's hard for me to imagine how stranger sex could ever compare with sex with someone you connect with. Don't get me wrong - I can certainly enjoy stranger sex, but the best sex I've had was good precisely because my partner and I had chemistry, not necessarily because of the positions and scenarios we rotated through.

Anyway, good luck and have fun! You seem like an awesome woman and wife.
70
@67: On the bright side, they make it so easy to be perceived as a good in bed. Make sure she comes before you do - hell, express any interest whatsoever in her coming at all - and you're a stud. Actually be aware of the existence and location of the mythical clitoris? You are The God of Love.
71
If Santorum's first move after announcing his candidacy is to "confront" his "google problem," he is already finished by default. Congrats to Dan & co. for slaying the potential dragon of his miserable political rehab with one filthy, filthy word. Having your name permanently and irrevocably tied to said frothy substance is an end to any political career.
72
Just another side of the coin for those who feel like an empowered woman can't have anal sex, or that fucking a woman in the ass is "the final frontier" or somehow a more pleasing conquest because it's degrading: she's literally making you stick your most precious member into a shithole, dude.
73
@1: I second it!!

Savage in 2012!!!!
74
Please pretty pleeeeeeeeease can I enter menopause now???

When I do, I'm throwing a wild party!
75
@ 31 - Oh, "professor," you troll... Back again?
76
@50: Christians are responsible for challenging their co-religionists to be more tolerant because those other Christians (especially their own pastors, priests, etc) are responsible to them in some way--by virtue of their Christianness.

Christianity implies certain beliefs and usually certain values as well, so if I belong to a church that preaches intolerance, my preacher ought to be responsive to my arguing that that is not Christian, or that is not the sort of Christianity one ought to endorse. but I have no such hold over Palin. as a fellow human, I can argue that she ought to display certain traits, but I certainly can't argue that having a vagina forces one, automatically, to hold certain views/beliefs/values, and if you disagree with those values you should get a sex change (like a Christian could change religions if he/she felt that Christianity went counter to his/her beliefs).
77
@42 - so, I'm not the only one to identify the troll... It looks like there's two for today!
78
Why doesn't the woman with the 'shredded kitty' try anal with her small-penised hubby?

Ah, Seattle - where the gay sex columnist won't recommend anal to the heteros because he knows it freaks the little feminist princesses out.

Give him the ass. He'll never stray.
79
EricaP: I just feel the need to tell you that no matter what some idiots say, you have a very good grasp of the situation and are learning to navigate the waters of NSA sex with admirable poise. The only problem is that, yeah, unless you force them to concentrate on you ("no anal until I've come!" for example), most men only think about what they like and what they want.

@ 36 - So two near-rape situations make a pattern? Come on! The only pattern it makes is that two out of two men are totally inconsiderate of their partner's needs and limits in bed - which is almost consistent with my experience as a very promiscuous gay man (I'd say 9 out of 10). It doesn't mean that EricaP doesn't know how to pick them. What's there to pick if most guys are incompetent, immature lovers who act as if they've never touched a woman before?

And with your attitude, I'm sure you're one of those.
80
Aaaand now we have misogynistic asshole number 3! You don't know that they haven't tried anal. I'm pretty sure she isn't worried about her husband "straying". She wants to be able to enjoy PIV again. And Dan suggests anal for heteros all the damn time. So shut your hole.
82
I was late in reading the column this week. My gay brother in law sent me a text asking me if I'd read it. His summary: "If I wasn't gay already, I would be now!"
83
To everyone recommending anal - it's not the same, trust me. I currently have problems having PIV sex painlessly which I didn't have before. So bf and I have been having lots of anal. But we both still miss vaginal dearly. First of all, at least for some women, with anal you do have to be more careful to not cause damage. And, I, at least, get pretty sore after about 15 mins of anal. Plus, the sensation is different. It's pleasurable, but it just doesn't feel as good as vaginal. And some women just plain can't enjoy anal no matter how much they want to.
84
@36 - Please leave the advice on rape to professional therapists. In fact, it isn't "extremely striking" that Erica was raped twice in one year. It is, rather, extremely COMMON for sexual assaults victims to be the target of multiple assaults by different rapists at different times. There are other contributing factors to this, but often, victims have trouble setting boundaries(sometimes this is due to the previous assault), and sexual predators are emotionally manipulative and clue into this.
It is absolutely unconscionable to suggest that the victim is at fault due to a lack of diligence in her screening process or for any other reason. If you are any sort of decent human being, you should apologize for your uninformed and hurtful comment.
86
Unlubed anal?

Seriously?

A man would only attempt that if he'd been watching too much porn and not having enough actual sex.

Clueless guys, just for your info, in porn movies that feature anal, the girls have been thoroughly douched, stretched, and lubed before the camera starts filming. This is also why in porn you can go from anal straight to vaginal, but if you do it in real life you'll probably give your partner a nasty case of thrush.
87
Thanks, milena, seandr, Ricardo, Backyard Bombardier, BadAnne and many others, for your support. I really appreciate having thoughtful and experienced people to ask about this. Clearly, what I was doing this year was not as satisfying as I had hoped it would be. (Though it did lead to fantastic sex at home.) I appreciate all the constructive suggestions for how to improve things going forward.
88
sick of reading multiple posts from the same people. don't you have anything better to do all day?
90
@ 86 - Very true.
91
@ 89 - Yet, somehow, no one but you has any difficulty in believing that Backyard Bombardier's claim is true.
92
I was going to say that spreadingsantorum.com was only #4 but then I realized that I Googled "Rick Santorum". My bad. But damn that's impressive. He's never going to be president and it's still going to make me go ICK when I hear his name.
93
@78 - What makes you think Savage is afraid of freaking out feminists? He loves nothing more than to piss feminists off.

BTW - Feminists are not against anal as a principle. Feminists are against the patriarchy. As a chauvinistic douchenozzle yourself, you probably can't tell the difference. It isn't *anal* women don't want from you, it's you. Sorry (but not really).
94
@85: "Where did that come from? I said I feel differently toward women I've ass-fucked."

Hunter78, what you said @10 was this:

"As for anal, I personally have never wanted it for a 'tighter hole.' I've wanted it more for a further conquest, another portal penetrated, another surrender. I always feel differently when I see a woman in who's ass my dick has been. It's different than simply a woman fucked."

Gotta say, that doesn't read like a sensitive lover who feels "more intimately connected". It reads like a man who enjoys sex with women most when he feels that it degrades them. It certainly doesn't read like a man who considers his sexual partners to be his equals.
95
@91

Maybe no one has said that they doubted the veracity of bombardier's claim, but that doesn't mean that no one has. I, for example, doubt his claim that he has slept with more women than Hunter78 and Professor combined because all of these people are total fucking strangers on the internet who have no way of knowing how many sexual partners the others have had.

@85

Thank you for clarifying on the anal front. I read your original comment and didn't think you were expressing any negative emotions toward the women in question, but a lot of the follow up comments made me doubt my reading comprehension skills.
96
@ 95 - Usually, with guys, just a few lines are necessary for the alert reader to be able to separate the nerdy ones who's sex life is strictly limited to porn and fantasies from the ones who actually have encountered a naked human being once or twice.

Maybe you should doubt your reading comprehension skills.
97
EricaP,

I can't help wondering why you didn't just insist each time that he help you cum first? It would have saved you from a lot of bad sex, I would think. If a guy refuses, you walk. Plus, pre-intercourse orgasms sometimes cause intercourse orgasms to be more intense (if you are able to have those, of course.)

I haven't had a lot of NSA sex, maybe 2 one-nighters and a handful of friends-with-benefits, but no one I've been with ever refused to help me cum first. Then again, none of them were guys I found online looking for NSA so that might make a difference. Most of those guys creeped me out because they were too impatient about meeting in person and didn't seem to comprehend the idea of a woman valuing her safety.

98
Unforgiving should try wearing some sort of sex toy during intercourse. A butterfly or a vibrating cock ring would stimulate both her clit, and her husband's penis during intercourse. The two of them should visit a high-quality toy shop together. The sales person could probably recommend something great.
99
Dan, don't forget to have your webmaster/mistress renew the spreadingsantorum domain (it currently expires in November...)
100
EricaP, I too encourage you to voice your positive impulses in bed. Your track record of 11 bad male partners mirrors my own experience with bad female partners. The fellas I've been with have all been very nice lovers. I've never had NSA sex. They have all been relationships.

The striking thing to me, the thing that I feel delayed my becoming a better lover with women, is the pattern of women who will not teach. They will not teach their lovers what pleases them. They tend to be good at expressing displeasure but they expect the pleasurable things to come from mind reading.

I didn't have the benefit of the internet and SL when I came of age sexually. Certainly it would have been easier to get outside learning if I'd had more resources. I honestly did as much as I could with the ladies I was with. The thing that mattered to me most was finding out what would please that particular person. Everyone is different, right? But the people in my self-selected group just weren't that comfortable with their own sexuality to provide the feedback. The woman I married turned out to be the least sexually hung-up person for me. It's part of why I admire her so much.

Emphasize the positive. Do express the negative, although unless it's a violation of your previously discussed boundaries then express it gently. Nothing kills the mood faster than a "cut that the fuck out!" out of the clear blue. And I second what Sean said above --that it's hard to excel with someone whom you hardly know sexually.
101
Keep twitting the Santorum creep!!! Let's retire this clown permanently. Ol' Frothy Mixture still thinks he can be president (fat chance of that!) but still, I want to see the asshole creep away with his sorry tail between his legs.
102
Hunter: well, I guess that is the problem with communicating via this method. You might have meant something one way, but I interpreted it another....what do they say? Like upwards of 80% of communication is non-verbal, so you lose much in the written word? I interpreted as much the way Backyard Bombadier did probably (unless I am mistaken!)

If I misinterpreted, I apologize. I did think you meant it as a slam on women who *I* feel offered you a gift, so that is why I was so offended.

I also agree with, I think it was milena, when she is speaking of anal. I love anal, I come like gangbusters, and its great for those 1st couple of days when I am on the rag and its super messy...but it will NEVER replace vaginal. I can only go for a little bit before I get sore. I like the feeling of being a dirty little slut from it, but I don't get the feelings of intimacy I get from vaginal. I come really HARD, but once I get off, that's it, game over, and I get too sesntive to continue. Whereas I can fuck for *hours* vaginally! Come and come and come again....rest 5 minutes, and go some more! Lol! So is it fun and do I recommend it? Hell yes!!! But, as a fun addition to, not a replacement for vaginal. I would miss the different kind of closeness I feel as well as the multiples, hahah.
103
Ha! As a newish reader to this column, I actually though Santorum was a random word pulled out of the blue by Dan and readers. Reading about this Santorum guy I think it's completely appropriate! Assuming I am not the only reader who didn't know the origins of this word, I see it growing fast from a joke to a dictionary word in no time!
104
I just read Unforgiving's letter again and can't believe what she went through. Tearing during childbirth is one thing ... but to have the stitches tear a few days later should have been reason enough to go back to her obgyn to be restitched immediately. Because the tearing's most likely NOT in the vagina, but in the perineum. I'm wondering if she was given ANY aftercare information at all (such as softening the stitched skin with massage to promote faster healing, I believe with lanolin but my memory could be faulty).

In some ways, this letter is the same as the first: aka, if you don't speak up for yourself in front of a health-care provider, you're not going to get the treatment you need. And, unfortunately, it means that people have to learn as much as possible about their bodies to be able to approach (or even confront) their health providers.

I don't know if it's too late for Unforgiving, but I believe she needs to see a more caring and understanding doctor NOW. In any case, IMO, trying to have ANY vaginal sex while in possession of a shredded kitty is not a good idea, especially if she's trying to see how a small penis can offer more stimulation (and a penile sleeve to increase girth would probably be the best option there). It makes me wince just to think of it!

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