MONDAY, JUNE 6 This week of dead weasels, busted scofflaws, and injurious dessert kicks off with Anthony Weiner, the Democratic U.S. Representative from New York who followed up nine days of denials and conspiracy theories involving nefarious Photoshopping and hackings-by-political-rivals by today admitting that yes, he totally sent sexually explicit photographs of himself to numerous young women he'd (barely) met via Twitter. At a press conference this afternoon, an abashed Weiner confessed he was "deeply ashamed of [his] terrible judgment and actions... This was a very dumb thing to do." Unseen but allegedly supportive: Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin, a longtime aide to Hillary Clinton (who knows a thing or two about crap-packed husbands), who on Wednesday will be confirmed as pregnant with the couple's first child. The well-exposed Weiner will end the week by announcing his leave of absence from the House of Representatives and promising to seek "psychological treatment."
••Speaking of junk-related scandals: Today Central Kitsap High School in Silverdale was thrown into a tizzy after a staff member flipped through the just-published school yearbook and noticed a photo of genitals. As KING 5 reports, the genitals' owner is a member of the wrestling team who thought he'd spice up the team photo by hanging his junk out of his shorts, and 300 wang-stained yearbooks were handed out to students before the photo flub was caught. "The remaining 600 yearbooks have now been corrected with [a] replacement photo sticker," reports KING 5. "If someone tries to remove it, it will tear the original page. As for the other 300 yearbooks, the photo sticker is available to those students if they want it." The X-rated photobomber has been barred from walking in the graduation procession and may face charges of indecent exposure.
TUESDAY, JUNE 7 Speaking of news-making shenanigans from Washington State, the week continues in the town of Hoquiam, where last night a man went looking for his girlfriend and wound up finding internet fame. His crucial costar: a dead weasel, which the man was carrying when he burst into the apartment of his missing girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. As police told KXRO News, the ex-boyfriend asked the weasel-wielding invader, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" In response, the man said, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," punched the apartment owner in the face, and fled. KXRO reports the alleged puncher left the marten carcass behind. Wikipedia reports a marten is a member of the weasel family. The Associated Press reports the 33-year-old alleged puncher has been arrested.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 8 Speaking of invasive creeps: Today we travel to Fullerton, California, where a computer technician stands accused of a diabolical plot to see his customers naked. Details come from the Los Angeles Times, which identifies our suspect as Trevor Harwell, a 20-year-old technician for Rezitech Inc., which provides home computer services to Mac users in Los Angeles and Orange Counties. "While he had physical access to the computers, he would install a spyware-type application that allowed him remote access to the user's computer and webcam," alleged Fullerton Police Sgt. Andrew Goodrich, who also told the Times that "Harwell then stored the photos on a remote server and eventually downloaded them to his own computer." Most notable are the ham-handed machinations Harwell allegedly went through to see his victims nude: "The lurid repair ploy first came to light last summer when a Fullerton resident contacted police about suspicious messages appearing on his daughter's computer," reports the Times. "One message mimicked the appearance of a system message and read: 'You should fix your internal sensor soon. If unsure what to do, try putting your laptop near hot steam for several minutes to clean the sensor.' The message led many victims to take their laptops into the bathroom while taking a shower..." After allegedly finding a cache of surreptitious still images and videos of women on his computer, authorities charged Harwell with a dozen counts of illegal computer access and fraud.
THURSDAY, JUNE 9 Our week of creeps continues with Dominic L. Holt-Reid, the 28-year-old Ohio man who was today convicted of attempted murder after trying to force his girlfriend to get an abortion at gunpoint. Details on the whole sordid saga come from Reuters, which reports that the drama commenced with the pregnancy of Mr. Holt-Reid's 26-year-old girlfriend, who initially agreed to terminate the pregnancy but changed her mind on the day of the scheduled procedure. In response, "Holt-Reid, a felon out on parole for a federal drug conviction, allegedly pulled a handgun and forced her to drive to the abortion clinic, where he accompanied her inside, the gun hidden in his waistband," reports Reuters. "Burgess was able to pass a note, however, to clinic employees, alerting them to her plight. They called police, who arrested Holt-Reid and charged him with attempted murder, abduction, and several weapons offenses." Ms. Burgess has since given birth to the child, while Mr. Holt-Reid has found his troubles compounded by having committed his alleged crimes in a state that defines the unlawful termination of a pregnancy as murder. Having pleaded guilty to attempted fetal homicide, Holt-Reid was sentenced today to 13 years in prison.
FRIDAY, JUNE 10 Nothing happened today, unless you count the one-year anniversary of Washington State's blessed cell phone law, which makes texting/talking while driving a primary offense punishable with a $124 ticket—6,850 of which were issued over the past year. (It's not mandatory life in prison, but it'll do.)
SATURDAY, JUNE 11 The week continues in Palm Harbor, Florida, where this evening a number of people visited the Ozona Blue Grill for seafood and steaks with an Asian twist, and wound up on fire. Details come from Orlando's WKMG, which traces the hubbub to a bananas Foster dessert: "Officials with Palm Harbor Fire Rescue say the 151 alcohol poured into the dessert ignited and splashed onto four customers. A 25-year-old woman was taken to a hospital with first- and second-degree burns. A 56-year-old woman also was taken to a hospital with respiratory burns." Condolences to all.
SUNDAY, JUNE 12 The week ends in South Park, the South Seattle neighborhood forced into a horrific stroll down memory lane this week by the ongoing trial against the alleged South Park rapist/murderer. The weird spookiness of the week was oddly well-represented all day, from the just-after-midnight conversation Last Days had with bartender Amy at Loretta's Northwesterner (Teresa Butz and her partner's favorite neighborhood place) to the evening's Tony Awards, where Norbert Leo Butz won Best Actor in a Musical and dedicated the award to his sister: "I love you, Teresa, we remember you every night." For more on the ongoing trial, click here.
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