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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
I have a feeling that if you confidently assert your bisexuality, it shows that you've defined and accepted your sexuality and you're not into some "discovery phase" that will lead to gayness.
Fuck, I groaned out loud looking at that lingerie site.
no, scratch that,
there's something about hot men in women's lingerie.
I saw a reference there in the response but I'm too lazy to go dig up the link; maybe that's HINT's job.
First, I would like to thank Dan for bringing up the issue, and also for doing so in a much more positive manner he used to in past years.
Some not-so-scientific statistics: Anywhere between 5% to 20% of men like to dress up in women's clothes on occasion. Many find it "sexually stimulating", and much to most people's surprise the vast majority of us are actually straight.
For more info check the term “bigender” on Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigender
As someone who enjoyes dressing up as a woman on occasion the site mentioned in the column didn't do much for me. I like the real things, made for women and modeled by them. But if watching some hunks in lingerie is what it takes to encourage women to ask their male lovers to dress up for them, and for the men not to freak out and know that "it's alright", then I'm all for it.
Oh yes, Sahara 29 @ 9 and 10, wish I was that boyfriend.
If she is going to turn his being generous and accommodating and trying to please her into something bad...well, I guess that's the last load of dishes or laundry or garbage or whatever he needs to help her out with. Any time she wants something out of him that would make her happy, but would be a bother for him, he can just laugh and tell her, "Nope, sorry, I'm raising my standards."
(At least 'til she admits she was being a complete shit and apologizes for setting him up and then laughing at him.)
beat her to the punch and DTMFA
Poor HINT. It seems like people into foot fetishes have such a hard time despite the fact their fetish is so easy to accommodate. Seriously, I have friends who PAY people to rub their feet.
I. Beg. Your. Pardon?
Hey, Stupid Girlfriend: you couldn't think your way out of a wet paper bag.
Not all women think "bi" means "secretly gay" and not all women think boy/boy action is gross or a dealbreaker. Have faith. :)
And HNH should stop worrying about lost time. He's young and if he keeps in shape and takes care of his health, he's got a LOT of time to catch up. Early 20's to mid 30's are the best times of all to be a single and available man. When he's worrying about rejection, maybe he should keep in mind all this lost time he's been so worried about and just decide to go for it. Rejection sucks, but you'll find that once someone rejects you, if they are kind of jerks about it (and they usually are) you will find yourself not liking them so much and feeling relieved you didn't get involved or in bed with them.
And one advantage of starting off experimenting with men is he will get hit on a lot (unfortunately most of those hitting ons will not be very welcome). Straight men are sluts (sleeping with skanks even when they could do much better) because it's a lot harder to get women into bed than men. They can't say no to what seems like a rare opportunity. Once he finds himself being the rejector more than the rejectee (even though being the rejector is no more pleasant, IMO), he may realize he is not so desperate for sex after all and not obsess about his age or lack of experience.
I can't see how that could be construed as a sign of superficiality. You can't changed how you're wired inside, and if you don't like either fucking or getting fucked, well you just don't. It's not a whim; it's how you are.
So, yeah. Bi guys are hot. ;)
That's just me, and I enjoy genderfuck behavior in most forms. Dress a woman up like a man or a man in traditionally ladies clothes, and you can bet that I'll be front and center cheering my throat sore and getting turned on.
I was ok with that. I'd rather be rejected before getting invested than after. Mostly I didn't even think of it as me being rejected for being Bi; I thought of it as me rejecting them for not being right for me.
I dated other Bis, I dated straights (the lesbians in my area were very bi-phobic), got a few people to finally come out as Bi, and eventually got married to someone who had been trying to date me for 10 years (knowing I was Bi the entire time).
Don't think of it as them rejecting you. If they seem skeeved out by a bi guy, just be friends with them (honestly just friends, not friends-hoping-for-more). They may change their minds as you challenge their stereotypes.
And honey, don't say you "may be bi". Find a guy, test drive it, and then come out. Someone who thinks they may be bi is much more scary to potential partners than someone who knows who they are.
I'm a straight girl in a relationship with a straight guy, and when watching movies and TV we freely comment on the attractiveness of the actors/characters. We're straight, not blind, and neither of us takes offense.
A great line from it, spoken in an upper-class supercilious English accent:
"Forty missions over enemy territory in bra & panties."
When you open up about one kink, you are guaranteed to see that you have at least 1 or 2 others. And when you are open about it, you go searching for an internet community that serves it. You find other people--who all like the 1 but each like a different other 1 or 2. Thus, intertwined networks of perversion.
End of debate.
The link however...the dude is hot. Insanely hot. He can wear whatever he damn well pleases, I'm still going to rip it off and jump on him. As for the average fella wearing panties, sure, what the hell, go for it. I still think they look better on chicks (ftr, when it comes to sex I'm only interested in people with a penis), but if it makes you happy, then it makes me happy.
I've also never really understood why sexualizing feet is seen as any more strange than sexualizing any other body part; we don't hear about people flipping out over a partner wanting to kiss or caress one's neck or thighs, do we? How are sexy feet really that different than a sexy ass or pretty face?
Well that is just nbot true. There is nothing I love more tha bisexuals accusing each other of internalized biphobia.
I doubt it's going to take you another four years to start dating like I did, because you don't sound as messed up as I was. Take Dan's advice: do what you need to work on that self esteem, recognize that you haven't been wasting your life, then grit your teeth and get on a dating site or something. You'll be FINE. Also, the bisexual thing? I CANNOT express to you how hot that is, you can TOTALLY work that to your advantage!
I doubt it's going to take you another four years to start dating like I did, because you don't sound as messed up as I was. Take Dan's advice: do what you need to work on that self esteem, recognize that you haven't been wasting your life, then grit your teeth and get on a dating site or something. You'll be FINE. Also, the bisexual thing? I CANNOT express to you how hot that is, you can TOTALLY work that to your advantage!
”… it looks like a silly halloween costume. There is no way I would not burst out laughing in bed.”
Laughing is actually not a bad start, could have been much worse with “You pervert, get out of here right now!!!”
If you’re laughing you may be a playful person, and if you’re playful then you may have noticed how aroused your partner is while “dressed up” and how it can benefit you right away.
And if you still let him dress up on occasion then think of what it is you want him to do to you in return, what kind of scenarios/role plays you may have in mind as well as other fantasies you may think of. Use it to your benefit… as well as his.
Cross dressing can be lots of fun for all involved!!!
Then POOP? What kind of weird mental process is she using?
And dude, you don't always need some kind of hostage situation (her desired kink) to start indulging your kink a little. I'd normally just say "just ask her" but with her attitude, I can understand why you feel you need a strong bargaining chip.
HINT, you DO need to raise your standards ... by either leaving her or laying down some ground rules re: her treatment of you. It's OK for a partner to be shy or hesitant or even against a fetish, but casually and frequently teasing you this way is pretty dispectful and thoughtless.
It's very kind of you to think this may be her strategy of covering up her kink, and it may be (unlikely...) but it's unproductive. Ask her straight up, and while you're doing that, tell her not to be such a dick. Like you say, revealing a fetish is pretty personal.
A lot of women don't like their feet. Personally I'm somewhat on board. First off: feet are dirty and I'm into cleanliness. Second of all, I broke one of the bones in my feet when I was little and it's a little misshapen as a result. That being said, when my boyfriend asked what I would do if he were a foot fetishist I said I would suck it up and try to go for it. Just a little perspective. Lots of women feel good about the traditionally sexualized parts of their bodies, not so much with feet.
If I think the concept hilarious, what does that make me?
Peace.
He certainly broadened my horizons (at about the age of sixteen); my best friend and I were mesmerized. Two good little girls watching RHPS for the first time, and I still remember that astonishing feeling of arousal and wonder. One of us said to the other something like, "Is he..." and we both said, "YES."
The pictures in the link were hot to me... but now I have to spend my day searching the internet for more.
The sad thing is that this is not a rare phenomenon, women are raised to think of sex as a weapon. She is stuck in that standard.
I can't believe that store has been around since 1988 (according to their About Us) and I'd never heard of it! Most guys look damn silly in clothes designed for a female body just because the fit is wrong. But lacy, satiny, frilly stuff made for a male form.... yummy!
It's the "somewhat apologetic" part, like there's some sort of apology scale, based on mathematical calculations designed, I presume, by an intrepid team of Swedish mathematicians, which, thus deemed this to be a "somewhat apologetic"-worthy offense.
jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.co…
And Thank you Dan for that link!!! <3
Still, one does give Mr Savage some points for the context. His motivation is clear enough.
Thank you, Dan, for the link.
Men in lingerie are totally hot.
The model in the xdress website is incredible, but I'd probably like that lingerie on average-looking men, too.
HNH, you'll be fine. Just relax and ask people out.
Bi-Pantyhose guy, maybe you could pretend you've just had the idea: how about if you put on a pair of your girlfriend's pantyhose. I suspect that once she sees how turned on you are in them, she won't have too much problem accepting at least that kink.
HINT, your girlfriend sounds fearful. Rather than hoping she is testing the water to tell you about her bigger kink, start an honest conversation with her. If you really aren't into scat, tell her that you were trying to be supportive, but that you don't think you could actually poop on her. Reassure her that it's HER you are interested in, not merely her feet, and then see if you can reassure her that the confession of your foot fetish isn't the thin end of the wedge--that you won't come to her in two months telling her that you have a less-common fetish. And show her that old Savage Love column that #29 found.
Lastly, I'm straight and so are the guys I date, and I've never had any difficulty telling commenting on the sexiness of men in movies we watch together, same as none has ever seemed inhibited about expressing his admiration for any of the actresses. And it doesn't bother me to hear it when a guy does that. Generally, I agree. I recognize beauty and/or sexiness when see it, regardless of the gender of the possessor.
Not interesting at all to me. Those guys are hot despite the lingerie IMHO.
HINT's girlfriend sounds horrible.
Bi guys are HOT.
And Tim Curry in RHPS was crazy exciting to my 17 year old naive eyeballs (and I'm not usually into that). Maybe because he was a transvestite DOM!
If I had to offer advice to HNH, I'd note an appreciable number of women will turn you down if you're bi. If it's up to you if you want to be completely upfront, wait a while or stay secret.
Staying secret does a great dis-service to the bi community, but sadly it also helps you get laid by women. There are women who won't care; many of them will openly or secretly be bi, if my experience is anything to go by.
I've found gay men much less judgemental
I would underscore that. They are not having a conversation yet. So far they are just making test jabs. What they really need to do is have a long, honest talk about sex. It sounds like she is really phobic of anything anal (it's dirty!). Maybe they should get into why that is.
I had not a clue about the fact that he was "bi" till after we first had sex. When he told me, I have to admit that I was scared, because I at first thought that maybe he would turn out to really be "gay" or something like that. But I realized that was stupid and that would make me a bit of a bigot in a way. We talked about it and it helped to put my fears at rest. After we had talked about it I realized that I wasn't really afraid of the fact that he is bi. It was more about him leaving me.
Anyways, to make a long story short. It isn't about the fact that someone is gay/bi. It is about love. I hope that we as society will move past these titles and just love each other. You will find someone. Just keep looking and see a therapist about any of those lingering fears you have.
Maybe straight women who find bi men particularly hot feel less threatened by their boyfriends'/husbands' interest in men, as there is no way that they (the women) could provide what the men are attracted to and therefore aren't in direct "competition." Or maybe it's a case of having twice as much to fantasize about or see.
What a stupid fucking question.
It's a cliche that men find lesbians hot. If you can wrap your head around that then you can understand why girls like bi guys.
Instead, she is taking this passive-aggressive tactic that makes him into some kind of twisted bad guy for being open to taking care of HER. Again, that's completely ass-backwards. Asking him what fetishes of hers he is willing to cater to tells her nothing about what fetishes of his she is likely to face. If he doesn't have a particular fetish, she isn't ever going to see it, end of story. Making the situation be that SHE has that big scary fetish, and then lambasting him for being willing to indulge her, is fucked up.
Personally, I hope she gets a job where she's on her feet all day, and after coming home day after day with aching dogs, only then realizes she has successfully scared her boyfriend away from her feet so badly that he's afraid to even mention them, let alone give her a foot massage.
Yeah, sometimes. Is that supposed to be ... crazy? I fantasize about my BF with another man, with another man while I watch, and with another man AND me, etc.
On another level, it's this kind of ... understanding. Bi-guys find guys hot, *I* find guys hot, so we can enjoy guys together.
It's kind of like why I also find the idea of women appealing. It's a cliche, but knowing the woman I'm with can feel almost exactly how I feel with the same stimulation is crazy sexy.
I must admit that I’m pleasantly surprised to find such a high percentage of women here who find cross dressing men to be sexy.
I wonder if the same ratio can also be applied to the “general public” out there, or maybe SL readers are simply sophisticated GGG’s.
So if you care to share please tell me what your take on this, does the subject ever come up while discussing sex-related issues with female friends, and what will be the best way for a man to bring this up to a woman. Thanks!
Might I suggest that you have not yet had the experience of a really well-administered foot bath?
Feet are not a fetish for me, meaning I find nothing particularly sexual about the foot itself. On the other hand, feet are very sensitive body parts, and can be very responsive when they are being treated nicely -- including a sexual response on the part of the owner of the foot. I've had more than one report of what seems to be an accupressure point running from somewhere in the arch to somewhere in the crotch.
Bottom line is that they should have a real conversation.
HNH-I met my husband when he was 26. He was a virgin, and cut off a relationship with another girl who clearly had issues about her ex-boyfriend (I liked it that he was gentle, but not so gentle that he let someone walk all over him). He did manage to cop a feel once or twice, but that was about it. I personally didn't lose my virginity until I was 23, and I'm torn between wishing I'd gotten it out of the way sooner, or waited. This is long, but don't give up hope. But I'll tell you straight up what kills the chances of late in life virgins.... they don't PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE. I have another friend who was rejected once on a dating site, and summarily decided that she was destined to be single. I also have a brother in law who won't risk rejection either.
GET OUT THERE.
And Gloria, totally agree, those are my top 3 fantasies!
I'm exclusively attracted to bears and chubs, and many among them have been told awful things about their body - but they're hot to me. And I've rejected many guys who could be models.
It has nothing to do with how nice you are inside or how goodlooking you may be, it's just that no one in this world is everyone else's fantasy.
On the other hand, I suspect he is perfectly capable of giving her feet some genuinely nice attention. She gets her feet pampered, he gets his rocks off. What's not to like? Where does this "honesty" foolishness fit into the equation? If your feet are getting the royal treatment, what the hell difference does it make what my motivations are for doing it? Sounds like you aren't happy with anything your partner does for you unless your partner is somehow suffering in the process.