We were best friends for the better part of the last decade. I did everything in my power to be an amazing friend to you. I dropped plans at a moment's notice to help you out. I gave up other friends who are genuinely good people because you didn't deem them "cool" enough. Then I stood up for myself and stayed friends with your ex. When you found out, you told me I was a "bitch" and a "whore" and "the worst friend ever." Now neither of you are in my life for good reasons, entirely independent of each other. But I want you to know something: I fucked your boyfriend when you were out of town. And while I spent months beating myself up about it, now I'm glad it happened, because you are a selfish, spoiled cunt and having a little misery in your life might actually make you a better person in the long run.