Dear Asshole on the Bike,

First you squeeze yourself between two lanes of cars at the light, then start screaming how I (about to turn right, signal on) am "illegally in the bike lane." Then you smack my hood, block my lane, flip me off, and taunt me with that "c'mon, motherfucker" hand gesture. When I finally make my turn and pull into a parking stall to answer your challenge, you brandish your Kryptonite lock like it's a set of knuckle-dusters. And after all THAT, when I get out of my car with a handy tire iron to even things up a bit, you go racing down the street like the prissy little entitled shitheel coward you are.

Consider the following, you self-absorbed moron:

1. Entering a bike lane to execute a turn is perfectly legal (look it up in the Seattle Municipal Code if you don't believe me).

2. Riding between vehicles is ILLEGAL.

3. Hitting another vehicle is ILLEGAL.

4. Brandishing an object with intent to injure is called ASSAULT, also ILLEGAL.

5. Acting like a macho asshat may result in a well-deserved beatdown. You NEVER know what the other guy is packing.