Lava @314
Interesting observation and you may point to something unintentionally. In general I try not to be too flashy when I go out, a futile attempt to eliminate some of that "drag queen" stigma.
I check out different outfits beforehand and often end up changing while thinking, "Are you out of your mind? Women your age don't dress this way."
As fun and liberating as it may be, it is also a big challenge to feel like a teenage girl who’s becoming a woman some 35 years too late. Not to mention the absence of some corresponding body parts.

Well thanks CatB. If I come back as a male next life, hope my consciousness keeps your tips, if I go into a hands on profession.
And no. I never went back.

Mr Cat - It reminded me of *Rumpole and the Judge's Elbow*, which in this case seems particularly apt. Guthrie Featherstone, who had injured his elbow playing mixed doubles and opted for treatment in the form of a perfectly legitimate massage, found himself trying the case of the proprietor of the Good Line Health Centre, a disorderly house posing as a massage parlour. Rumpole guessed that Guthrie would prove to be among the patrons who had paid by credit card, a guess borne out by the way Guthrie was being uncharacteristically hard on the police sergeant who had visited the establishment, pretended to have injured his knee playing football, then asked his masseuse for "something of the other", which she'd replied would be twenty pounds. Unluckily, Guthrie received his American Express bill, during the luncheon adjournment just before the defendant was going into the box, and discovered that he had patronized the Good Life Health Centre, which gave him the freedom to go back into court and pot Rumpole's client in off the red.

CMD: women your age don't dress this way? Get rid of that way of thinking.
Of course one can't dress like a teenager/ young woman. Half your arse showing.
Dress from the spirit of you on the day. Wear whatever colour lipstick you damn well want.
And walk with confidence.

hunter @320
Don't try to bribe me with one point, I saw you at the lesbian bar last night.
(psss... five points may suffice)

Lava @323
Thanks. Spirit of the day as well as confidence are big part of my life nowadays.

@243 herrbrahms and @258: Thank you both very much for your supportive suggestions, and thanks, too, for the contact email information, herrbrahms. I will get in touch again soon.
I'm keeping busy with rehearsals and transposing parts. More soon.

Happy Memorial Day, everybody!

Fosters CatB? Hardly. That's Victorian Beer( I think).
Us Queenslanders drink 4X.
Not that I was a Queenslander in my 20s, I was still hanging out in Sydney. And I was not/ am not a beer drinker.
Vodka now and wine then.

@315 CatB: I love American Werewolf, and always had a crush on the Dr. Pepper guy even before that! David Naughton and Jenny Agutter were two of the most beautiful people in that movie, and nice mix of humor with poor Jack. "Stick to the road, beware the moon." Some people never listen....

PS. Lava might like that Jenny Agutter before that starred in Walkabout, which was nice, but not as good as the book.

I went on dates with a lot of guys from dating websites (200+) before I got married. Just writing to say that I agreed with your advice to the lesbian dating-site user. I agree that putting negative/exclusionary notes like "no trans women" or "no Asian guys" in a dating profile is a turnoff—and not just to the excluded group but to those who find those kinds of comments to be mean-spirited and narrow-minded. And are there really so many trans people out there that such a comment is even necessary? Are there really that many trans people out there causing massive confusion on dating websites? And honestly, if someone is trans and you wind up meeting them for coffee, what would be the big deal anyway? It's just coffee! I don't understand why this would be such a huge problem.

Straight Chick In DC

Not everyone wants to waste their time going on 200+ dates. If you have that much time to date in DC, you're probably living off of your parents. The positive about online dating is that it has the potential to screen. I'm definitely on lists of "do not date__" due to size and race. It's all good. Why would I waste my time with someone who doesn't want me?

@118
Even something like "no racists" makes you look immature since, yeah, obviously no racists, but what's your purpose in putting on your profile?

Blanket statements never make you look good. (heh)

As a member of the most despised racial minority, I would LOVE to see "no racists" in a profile. "no Rethuglicans" would turn me the fuck on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvCTaccE…
He had this great story, saw it on a late night talk show, about coming off the ‘Werewolf’ set still with a bunch of hair glued to his chest. He was in some English bar, a girl was sizing him up from across the room, and he caught her eye, reached down, and pulled a fistful of his chest hair off.
Lava, you ever had Lion Brown? Or is that just for Kiwis?

@223 Jocass ~ I appreciate your perspective. I've seen that in relation to discussions about women's health and how the focus on vaginas, cervices and uteri is transphobic. I can understand including men who were born with and have those parts. I DON'T understand muting or caveating-to-death frank discussion because some women don't have them.

Meanwhile cancer kills, fertility is jeopardized (if allowed to discuss) and reproductive rights are assaulted (don't see many outside of ciswomen caring about that, hmmm).

You think they don't bring fancy beers to this land of ours CatB? No. Don't know it. Am not a beer person..
Had a fancy beer with one of my sons, recently. Name, no idea.

Cache, not sure what your point is re Jocass@ 331.
Cis women really really do have issues that trans*women don't have any idea about. Like catching blood coming down the passage, once a month etc.
People , before they fuck someone, can check what they want to check, that's how I see it.
If you referring to holding trans* women out of festivals etc- not being a thinking ally- then that's different.

CatB; I remembered that creep rubbed himself on some part of my body as well.
Maybe my head/ arm. I have a vivid memory still of that experience. It was very unpleasant. And nothing said. What was I going to say?
Know what I'd say now.. Depending on how cute he was.
Then, though. My knowledge of men was just beginning. I was stunned and felt trapped. Should have reported him to someone.

Cat Brother, I know you were asking if men have pulled off the fabled shower scene, but I'll chime in as the potential female target of said attempt. No man has tried that with me, and I would likely find it a tad aggressive for a first time. But a second or third time? Assuming the first time had gone wonderfully, that could work quite well.

#334, no doubt that is a fun way to shake things up, but the whole deal with the First Time as Shower Walk-In, is that you’re taking a mighty gamble, especially as a dude. She might scream bloody murder and hit you with an oversized shampoo bottle, or at least curtly rap out “This - is not happening. Put it down or tuck it in, and leave this area.”
Third time it’s practically an obligation:’What, you think I’m ugly, covered with suds? Get your ass in here!”
Lava #333 - Yeah, should’ve reported him. And I believe that fancy beer you enjoyed was what we in the colonies call a ‘PBR.'

I think part of the problem for me would be that I fear if I suddenly saw this mysterious figure behind the shower curtain, my mind would automatically leap to Norman Bates in a wig. Not exactly a mood-setter.

My personal taste for this would run more towards taking a bath and being pleasantly interrupted. Not sure why, but that image makes me feel less vulnerable while still giving the man a level of ballsy authority, and allows me the thrill of 'Um, what's happening here?' Perhaps because baths are sensual in a way showers are not, at least to me.

Zoo; I agree, a shared bath can be very sensual. I'd just prefer that after sex.
Sex in the bath, not that much fun- as I experienced it.
If a man wants to try shower sex, on the first date- he better be real clear on the messages he's being given, or the shampoo bottle might not be all he gets hit with.

Lava, that's reasonable. And also why I suppose I've never done said Walk-In.

Lava, I've found that a shared bath leads to sex (or at least the desire for it), although your take is nice, too.

Cat, I'm guessing the odds are better than average that you would be the right amount of charming in your efforts, should you try it.

#339 Zoo, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I think the whole issue has to be pretty much decided by the time she puts the water on, don't think you can pull that curtain back and start in with "...and since I'm feeling extra-dirty this evening..."
I mean, she better be working that shower massager unit and thinking of you, already. Victory Loves Preparation, and all that.
Did Hunter ever give us a week's round-up?

Cat, I believe you are correct about the victory thing. If The Stranger would only provide us with private msg options here, I would have taken advantage of that before now, but I also don't want to assume that particular move would be welcomed by you. Unfortunately, Miss Manners does not offer advice on such approaches, and I'm just a penguin in a fruit hat.

Oh Zoo. You are so much more..
CatB. I'm wondering why a woman would be showering while a man is in her place Unless it is some sort of invitation.
Then again, one can't assume.
My suggestion, just to keep it safe, is do it on the second date/ fuck night. That's really like the first real fuck, anyway.

Well, it's not a conundrum I'm faced with regularly. Just something that came up in an old movie, with me thinking,"Whillikers, I'd love to be able to pull that off!"
Did once have that opportunity when I was in college, home for the summer, a bangin' young lady (Hi, Laura!) was once staying at our house (daughter of family friend) for a few weeks, my mother then living elsewhere. I remembering one night she was showering downstairs, the bathroom had one of those sliding pocket doors, which was cracked, could see her outline thru the frosted glass....But I was still the belt-holding Intercontinental Champ of skinny dorkitude, so it was a matter of silently seething then slinking off to my room for solitary relief.

I ever come home to find her in my shower NOW, well, some fur's gonna fly.

"Well, it's not a conundrum I'm faced with regularly."

Cat, for an excited second or two there, I thought you were addressing my private msg comment. I promise I wasn't going to offer you an opportunity to explore the exciting world of Amway. Ah well, c'est la vie. :)

A lot of people seem to be assuming Matchbox or Hot Wheels-size toy cars. There are much smaller ones given as party favors, for example, which are plausible insertion size. I'm with the prohibitionists on this one. By the time he discovers porn he'll have perhaps developed enough maturity of judgement to know what he can and can't use should he still have that curiosity.

Ugh, this is the second time in like two weeks I've heard this anti-Asian-guy thing, and I'd literally never heard of it before. I'm some combination of mystified and in a towering rage over it. I grew up surrounded by tons of Asian-American peers of many varieties, and all my earliest crushes were on "Asian guys". I have literally no clue what this BS is about and why it exists as some kind of distinct facet of the cruddy gem that is racism.

In other news, Dan just ruined Car Talk forever for LITERALLY EVERYONE.

CIS here (it's really me). I cohost a new podcast called Livin' and Lovin' in NYC. In Episode one, we discuss my question, Dan's response, and the responses of commenters.

http://laurajeanmoore.com/podcastwithvic…

Livin’ & Lovin’ in NYC

Feminist shock jocks Victator and NuBritt go off the rails and offend everyone they know and love while talking about sex, relationships, queerness, heteroshit, and general mayhem. Subscribe via the RSS feed to the right.

Episode 1

In which we discuss Victator’s recent letter to Dan Savage and go on serious tangents about how to be a good ally, trans and cis preferences, the gender binary, being homoflexible, george castanza, bisexuality, garlic knots, the Kardashians, STDs, tops and bottoms, NuBritt’s recent article in Vice, and hoga.

@18 said: @16 - What's "upfront" to you? If someone messages you on a dating site and you're not interested, do you tell them "no thanks, I wish you luck but I find you physically repulsive"? Unless you're an asshole, you don't, even if that's the case. (If you are an asshole, please disregard this comment.)

I have said part of that minus the physically repulsive part. Or I might say, "you're not my type." If I know I'm not interested, I say so. I don't see anything wrong with that. It saves both of us much time.