America is turning into a burning garbage heap of immorality and tyranny. Hello, I'm Phillip Abernathy, and I'm a fourth grader at John Muir Elementary School—and my concern for America continues. Yes, I may be "only" 9 years old, but my eyes are wide open to the bureaucratic corruption that has polluted America—and, by extension, Mrs. Pullman's entire fourth grade class.
Example ONE: Fish Stick Fridays. Our glorious Constitution (supreme law of the land) grants us freedom of choice, and yet, where is the choice or indeed the freedom in being served fish sticks at lunch every... single... Friday? Patriots such as myself have taken our grievances to our student government—GRIEVANCES IGNORED. (I'M LOOKING DIRECTLY AT YOU, EDDIE "THE BUTTHOLE" THOMPSON.)
Example TWO: Drones. The so-called "president" and his cronies have no qualms about setting up a drone surveillance state—but when I bring a drone to school and use it to expose the LIES of our administration, who gets sent to the principal's office? Video evidence procured by my drone PROVES that the school supply closet is full of glue sticks—even as officials beg our hapless parents to pay, pay, and pay for "critical" supplies. MY DRONE SEES YOUR SOCIALISM, PRINCIPAL CUTHBERTSON! It will fly until the TRUTH is REVEALED! (Except my stupid sister crashed my drone into the toilet last week, and Mom says I have to wait for my birthday to get another one.)
Example THREE: Gift Wrap Sales. Every year, students are forced to sell gift wrap or coupon books to raise money for the fifth grade overnight trip to Winkle's Pioneer Homestead. What do fourth graders get out of it? I'll tell you. We get two little words: Jack SHIT. The bubbling cauldron of socialism is simmering beneath this so-called "fundraiser"—and I shall not taste of that witch's brew!
Storm clouds on the horizon! Liberty under siege! Wake up, Obama! Principal Cuthbertson, Eddie "The Butthole" Thompson, and Mrs. Jones-Buckman (the lunch lady) are tirelessly working to nullify our precious, blood-bought civil liberties! Yes, my concern for America continues—because without that concern, without action, our school and eventually our country will be overtaken by corrupt politicos intent on force-feeding us the bitter fish sticks of tyranny! Without tartar sauce!