First off, I'd like to thank the nearly dozen well-wishers who reached out to The Stranger to express their sadness for Publisher Keck's passing. I would also like to clear up a few misconceptions that were reported about Publisher Keck's death service:
• It is true that Publisher Keck was buried in his custom 1984 Pontiac Fiero known as "Tucson Moon," as were his wishes. However, it was done in such a way as to minimize the environmental damage typically associated with burying people in cars. I personally witnessed fluids being drained from both Tucson Moon as well as Publisher Keck before they were entombed on his estate in Magnolia.
• It was reported on KCTS 9 Cooks blog Crosscut that Publisher Keck's death service was "a testament to just how much his staff despised him." Rather, it was an emotional event that included kidding of our beloved leader that Publisher Keck would have enjoyed completely.
• Publisher Keck's wife Mercedes, children Tumult and Sumac, and traveling companion Jazz were all unable to attend the death service because of previous commitments, but they will be having a private ceremony in Ibiza in January.
Finally, I'm very proud to be The Stranger's new publisher, and I promise these three principles will be my lodestars:
1. I will destroy all competition in a way that is so financially ruinous and personally horrible for the competitor's business and staff that no other company will dare enter this market.
2. When given a choice, I will always choose the least expensive artificial intelligence over equally low-paid human-type workers.
3. I will start another "The Stranger" anywhere that Amazon chooses as its HQ2, because of the special relationship we have with our friends at Amazon.