GREGOBAGEL/GETTY IMAGES

"If you're feeling socially awkward, find someone on campus you look up to and do whatever they do. If they go to a certain Starbucks every day, go to the same Starbucks. If they have a favorite Frankie & Jo's ice-cream flavor, tell everyone that's your favorite flavor. If they start dating someone, secretly start dating that exact same person. Then, if they confront you, say, 'Why are you obsessed with me? Stop copying me!'"

—Elise, 24, graduate of Seattle University



"Instead of going to parties, just do CrossFit. People will be all like: 'Oh, hey, man, you should stop doing push-ups and go to the Laser Dome with us.' No, thanks. The world is going to end in 12 years, and I want to be ready."

—Sean, 31, graduate of University of Washington



"One of the biggest lessons I've learned so far in college is if you find a wounded bird on campus and google how to take care of it and successfully keep it alive in a cardboard box until its wing is healed enough so that it has the strength to fly away again, you can get a massive Instagram following."

—Geoffrey, 29, longtime North Seattle College student



"If you want to suck off your creative-writing professor without making things complicated, arrange it all on Grindr and wear a paper bag on your head. With a hole cut out for your mouth."

—Scott, 33, graduate of Seattle Pacific University