Dear Kendra the Kitten,

My boyfriend, Ryan, says that you're not real and I can't actually ask you questions. He says they're all made up. Can you prove him wrong?

—Kaitlin, 27, Cap Hill

"Cap Hill"? I can't believe you said that. Where are you from, Fresno? What are you going to ask me next, where's the nearest In-N-Out Burger? While I would love to solve this disagreement for you, I'm way too busy not getting the coronavirus to think of some dumb way to prove to your dumb boyfriend that I exist. A dog in Hong Kong just tested positive for COVID-19, and ABC News says that while dogs and cats can't pass the disease to humans, humans can pass it to us. Great! I've had mild diarrhea all week, and now this. Somehow I'm not sensing a lot of empathy from you. For the record—I was almost literally born yesterday and even I know this—it's called "Capitol Hill." If you and that dipshit you're dating really must shorten it, it's "the hill."

Dear Kendra the Kitten,

I have two indoor cats, and my kid won't clean the cat box without me badgering her and threatening to take away her phone. To be fair, she's not much of a self-starter on any of her chores. But can you at least talk some sense into her about the importance of a clean cat box?

—Janet, 52, Maple Valley

Oh, Janet, that seems soooo difficult. Gosh, how are you managing? Do you need some support? Let me understand, you have two cats—must be nice for them to have companionship—and also a human being you created, who legally has to do whatever you say, and your problem is that your live-in child-servant doesn't do exactly what you say at all times? I don't know what to tell you, but if you do get her to respond to basic commands again, can you have her clean my cat box next? It's overflowing with the whole diarrhea situation.

Hi Kendra,

Is there a Twitter or Facebook page we could follow you on?

—Jonathan, 23, Minnesota


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