I Got Your Hubby!
So you think I “stole” your husband? Well, sister, have I got news for you! He
came running to someone kind, slim, and pretty (me) after 17 years of your
childish tantrums, manipulations, and verbal abuse; after being repulsed by your
obesity; and after raising the children nearly single-handedly because all you
wanted to do was watch TV and gorge on potato chips. But the final straw occurred
after you asked your sweet, long-suffering husband for advice on how to
snag a man you had a crush on! That last one, Mrs. Soon-to-be-Ex, sent your husband
to me like a thirsty camel loping across the desert to a verdant oasis! How can
you blame him or me? Look at yourself!
It would set the hair in your ears on fire were I to tell you about what we have together–our honest and straightforward communication, and especially the daily, passionate, uninhibited sex. I am cherished within view of heaven, and I’ve never been happier. For certain, HE has never been happier! This delight might have been yours had you pulled your head out of your ass long enough to realize what a jewel you had!
So thank you for being a total loser of a wife. I won the man of my heart without even trying, because you were too stupid and self-centered to cherish–and keep–your wonderful husband.
—Anonymous