I admit it: I’m the “straight” girl who is coming on to you and your lesbian friends as I’m emerging into a queerer identity. My imaginary dating profile (“Fit and attractive, charismatic, successful professional woman,” all true, BTW) might make a desirable W4W personals ad—if only I were out. When I travel on business, I leave my wedding ring back at the hotel while I cruise lesbian clubs. Supposedly-straight suburban dads on the down low do this all the time, and deception in the bar scene—gay or straight—comes as standard as a Sex on the Beach with maraschino-cherry garnish. I feel like I’m violating not only my marriage vows (though I’ve never slept with a woman) but also some unwritten rules of the lesbian tribe—my future community?—when I flirt with lesbians.

I should have womaned up decades ago and come out of the closet. Now here I am: 17 years, two kids, and a $300,000 mortgage deep into a marriage that I want out of. In addition to crushing my husband’s faith in humanity and marring my kids’ childhood with their parents’ divorce and divisive joint-custody decisions, I fear that after finally reconciling my emotional life with my same-sex orientation, I’ll end up alone. Not getting a girlfriend is not an option.

Here is where you and your lady-
loving lady friends come in: I purposely go to events that draw a disproportionately high number of you in order to practice getting my flirt on. Is it possible to say that, yes, I’m auditioning with you but I also sincerely want you? I promise I’ll only be a girl tease until I meet The One.

—Anonymous

58 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  3. God, there is a serious lack of empathy on this thread. People have called her an asshole, liar, amoral, cheater (when she hasn’t cheated!) without knowing anything about her or why she chose to get married. We still live in a world where people are routinely fired, harassed, assaulted and sometimes killed for being homosexual. 17 years ago it was worse. Add a small-town and/or religious upbringing to the mix, and the pressure is ENORMOUS for many people to repress the urge and hope it’ll go away if they “act normal”. How many of you have never lied to yourself or anyone else to maintain order?

    I think the writer recognizes she’s living a lie and feels plenty of moral conflict about it, despite the blustering. I’m not a fan of divorce – but I think if any situation merits it, this is it. It’ll be painful, but this lie will damage your family more in the long run. Your husband deserves a partner who finds him sexually and emotionally attractive, you deserve a life that isn’t defined by painful secrecy, and most of all your children deserve a mother who is a role model of honesty and personal integrity. Also, your future girlfriend deserves a sane partner, so maybe stay single for a while and get some therapy to regain your sense of self before desperately latching on to the first lesbian you see.

    I would say the same to every closeted married man cruising clubs and putting his wife at risk for STDs. You’re not a horrible person, you’re just a person who made a mistake – time to own up, grow up and move on.

  5. So there’s this thing called a queer politic, and you don’t have it yet. That tribe of lesbians, they have it. And they smell straight lady from 5 miles away, and it’s not attractive.

    Part of the issue is that you have a ton of privilege. Men dig this. Most dykes don’t. Your white picket fence issues don’t translate well to a group that’s been oppressed and denied basic liberties surrounding the ability to partner and create a recognized family unit.

    You need counseling. Go to therapy, alone, be honest, and work out your shit. I can’t tell you if you’re gay, straight, honest, full of shit, or just desperate. But you need help, hon.

    -Gold Star Dyke

  7. Jesus, what a class A cunt. Look in the mirror, you aren’t that special so grow some tits and do your husband the favor of telling him the truth. Most likely he’ll be overjoyed, relieved, and finally happy after putting up with such a self-absorbed twat for so many years. Failing that, please wander off somewhere desolate where you’re never to be found, slit your writs and die alone with the knowledge that your family will initially mourn the loss but then quickly move on and find another to replace you who is actually an authentic individual.

  8. I’d love to see you and a hot lesbo do each other ass to ass with a double headed dong! I’m married but I’ll just watch.

Comments are closed.