As a young lad, I was extremely handsome. I was always surrounded by girls. My problem was I was too shy to interact with them. Too introverted to even know how to behave around them. It took a female only a few seconds to realize I was a complete loser. I could have had any girl I wanted, but my intense fear of rejection overcame the natural instinct to procreate.

I met a woman who loved me more than anything. She was smart, educated, gainfully employed, and sweet as ripe strawberries. I ran from her. Now she is 10 years married with two kids. I am childless and living at my mother’s.

My bloodline stops at me. There are no males in my family besides my brother, who is done having kids. He has two girls. The curse stops at me, and the fail ends here. I’m not suicidal, nor am I looking for sympathy. I am intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to apply these attributes to better my own life. I am a failure.

—Anonymous

89 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. Oh, I almost forgot the most important part: GET THE F@CK OUT of your mom’s house! Are you nuts?! Grown women don’t want to date someone who hasn’t grown up yet. Get your own place pronto!

  2. @everyone

    “Whoa is me” isn’t a typo – it’s a song by a group of Canadian Douche-Rockers “Down With Webster” about how much better they are than everyone else. Sorry I didn’t throw in a link or anything – I can see how that confused some.

    @6: homophobe? how did you reach that moronic conclusion?

    @13: see above

  4. Anon, I hope you’re reading the comments. Despite some unnecessary hate (go piss up a rope, @47), the basic drift of what most people are saying – get the fuck over yourself – holds true. I say that in the kindest, most sympathetic way possible.

    Personally, I think it’s incredibly freeing when you realize that all people are pretty much the same in the ways that count, and that includes you. You’re not special. You’re not a terrible person. You’re pretty much just like everyone else.

    Now:
    Work on some simple things. Get out of the house regularly and practice being friendly, courteous, and humble with the people you meet. Practice some very simple things like smiling and making small talk, even when you don’t feel like it. (It really helps if you actually think of this as practicing – that way you allow yourself to make mistakes without freaking out about it.) These things take a little time to learn if you’re not used to them, but you might be surprised at how quickly you can learn new habits.

    And for fuck’s sake, get yourself to a counselor if you haven’t already.

  5. I completely agree. You are a failure. However you are not dead. So you don’t have to stay a failure. There is still time to fix yourself. Take advantage of it.

    Most of all, stop your pathetic ass whining. Realize that most people are much more concerned with themselves than they will ever be with you.

    Asshole

  7. @53 fuck me – I can not believe I got that wrong. @6 – I owe you an apology I rad that wrong and than ran with it. I am very sorry.

  10. Sure, I have never married, was better looking in the “have my baby” way three different women told me when younger, no kids, and had a few chances for it all. Now that I am in my 50’s, it ain’t that bad, really. I have a neice that I am content with knowing the family “bloodline” will continue. Depending upon the family, others would even be resolute in NOT propagating the disfunctional relative continuum.

    Anonymous is obviously still youngish. When he gets older, he will discover that dogs are great companions. He will also appreciate the extra time he will have to choose to do more things others with kids cannot. Volunteering, travel, being able to control at least part of your own destiny.

    He will find more to enjoy than to miss. Loneliness is often a choice, not a permanent condition.

  11. Sure, I have never married, was better looking in the “have my baby” way three different women told me when younger, no kids, and had a few chances for it all. Now that I have hit my 50’s, it ain’t that bad, really. I have a neice that I am content with knowing the family “bloodline” will continue. Depending upon the family, others would even be resolute in NOT propagating the disfunctional relative continuum. Some people really should not be parents.

    Anonymous is obviously still youngish. When he gets older, he will discover that dogs are great companions. He will also appreciate the extra time he will have to choose to do more things others with kids cannot. Volunteering, travel, being able to control at least part of your own destiny.

    He will find more to enjoy than to miss. Loneliness is often a choice, not a permanent condition.

  13. I also agree with #29. It will do you good Anonymous. With the right one, you won’t likely need a therapist. And you will feel a lot more confident being with non-pro women, even if they don’t show the same interest.

  15. Anon, I don’t care how good looking you are. You sound like a whiny, vain, entitled, sexist creepo. You are not a nice guy. Women would not think you were a loser if your only problem is you’re shy. Women think you are a loser if you are in fact act like a loser.

  16. Oh, and avoid dating advice from Pick Up Artists. Yes, that guy Mystery on VH1 seems like he can turn you into a success with the ladies… um, no. Just don’t. At this point the only 18-year-old virgin super model would want to date/marry/breed with you are Eastern European prostitutes-er, mail order brides and that’s only if you can come up with the cash to pay for her and if you’re still living with mom, nope. Not even then.

  18. Your problem isn’t that you are shy and introverted, it’s that you couple that with a totally unearned sense of superiority and some weird grandiose ideas about yourself. If anyone ever lamented to me that his “bloodline” was dying out because all he has are nieces, I’d be backing away slowly for sure. Same deal with your one true love who’s been married for 10 years… WTF, dude? Just how long have you been obsessing over this one person? Let it go.

    Get out of Mom’s house and get over yourself. “Intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate” is a start, but if all you have behind that pleasant facade is a boundless well of self-pity and narcissism, it’s no wonder that your life sucks.

    I suggest therapy, because everything you think about yourself and the world is a load of completely disordered nonsense. Please let actually writing this cry for help and sending it in to a newspaper, be your wake up call.

  19. Forget yourself.

    No, seriously, that’s the only way to get out of staring at your own reflection — by forgetting yourself. If it’s art that’ll help you get away from that too-strong awareness of you, you, you, you–go for it. You’re lucky then, because I don’t think a lot of people really can lose themselves in art/music.

    Maybe you can be pulled out of that morass by dealing with people who are hungry. Maybe you need too much exercise. Maybe little screaming babies at a homeless shelter will get you out of it.

    Forgetting about you is the only way.

  20. Maybe women don’t stay with you because you think girls are worthless? What if you’d married that woman and had girls? THE TRAVESTY. Dickhead.

  21. @44: “One thing he absolutely doesn’t need is to be told to ‘be himself’. People in his position do not want to ‘be themselves’: their selves are intolerable to them.”

    HAhahahahahahaa maybe someone should drop out of the dating pool until their crippling self-hatred is resolved? OF COURSE NOT.

    Guess what, those guys/girls are THE WORST to their partners and horrible in relationships.

  22. For once, I agree with most everyone here. I used to be a total douche-bag like you are now. Without a personal change, you will die alone, and no one will care. Right now, no one cares. There is no magic woman who is going to discover the real you, and fall in love. No other person can make you happy if you aren’t happy yourself.
    Think of the coolest thing a person could do. Then, go do whatever that is. Forget money, women, what people think, forget that you likely could never really do it. Just do it anyway. Go do a thing that makes you happy, and keep doing it. On your own. If you can become happy on your own, people will be attracted to you. Because that’s what attracts people. Happiness.

  24. @77: Grats to you for realizing that if everybody’s saying the problem is you, it might be you and that “nice guy” is often a smokescreen for other problems with anger and bitterness. Seriously, that sort of revelation isn’t that common.

  26. What’s wrong with a person calling himself intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate? It’s not that difficult or unusual to be any or all of them; I know many people who fit that description. Why do so many people commenting here assume that the guy is an asshole? He just sounds ridiculously shy or perhaps depressed. Or maybe he’s too weird for people. He needs therapy, that’s all. Not scorn from all you stupid, ugly, lazy, mean people.

  29. Anon, You are just depressed. Depression is a trick of the mind where you think nothing is wrong, or that you can “fix it” yourself. You can’t, that is the whole trick to depression. Get some pills and get some perspective and get out of your rut. Once you stop caring that you are alone you WONT CARE THAT YOU ARE ALONE ANYMORE.

    It will make all the difference.

  32. Actually, the man and woman provide a mixed set of genetices that is a blend of both, duh. But even more important is the mighty mitochondria. They do not split and mix up they come from the mother (only- they don’t fit into the sperm) and the only real true blood line.
    btw- mitochondria are what makes you work, its what splits and reforms phosoporous molcules and it is that chemical reaction that runs the entire body-every function depends on that breaking bond of phosphorous.
    You are welcome for this not very detailed discription of genetics and bio-chemical reactions.

  33. Seriously? I’m the only one who read this and thought “autism spectrum”? Dude needs to seek treatment for Asperger’s.

  36. So, your bloodline totally does not stop at you. Your brother has children. Maybe the women you liked really didn’t get involved with you because you are apparently some sexist pig who doesn’t count women as people.

  37. @everyone here: Jeez, do you have to be so fucking mean? You can’t overcome depression by “getting over yourself.” Depression is like an endless maze you’re stuck in every fucking second of your life, and it all revolves around self-hatred. So telling someone depressed “you suck” and “get over yourself loser” will not magically make them better, duh.

    @ the letter writer: Seriously, go see a therapist. And keep doing that for a long, long time. Therapy could do wonders for you. It won’t instantly make you the opposite of “a complete loser”, but it will definitely make you feel better about yourself. And feeling good about yourself is the key to attractiveness. Being handsome, on the other hand, has very little to do with attractiveness.

    Anyways, you could start by stopping this endless self-assessment. (“I am intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate.”) It makes you jump from total self-hatred (“I am a failure.”) to inflated self-worth (“I could have had any girl I wanted”), both of which are not normal. Try to understand that you are no more and no less worthy than anyone else. So what that you live at your mother’s? They do it all the time in Europe. If you don’t like it, resolve to move out and work towards this goal.

    And please, please, please, find a therapist. You might not even need any pills, just a professional to help you unscramble the mess in your head.

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