OMMFG! R U SO XCITED @ THE NU “90210”? ROTF! (Okay, look. I hate
this new “text messaging” language as much as anyone—but if the
boss says, “Lure in the 14- to 25-year-old demographic or it’s YOUR
ASS!” then I certainly don’t want it to be my ass. I would much rather
it be someone else’s ass, even though a recent poll has shown that my
ass is preferred almost two to one over the average person’s ass. I
hope they mean this in a sexy way.) Anyway! We’ll get to the newest
incarnation of Beverly Hills, 90210 in just a moment… but
first, it’s time for…
HUMPY’S™ TOP TV PICKS™ OF THE WEEK™!
ROTF!™
Top TV Pick #1™: Smallville (CW, Thurs 8 pm). This
week, the super-hot Supergirl finally teaches Clark how to fly. Yes,
this is the same Supergirl who conveniently contracted amnesia, yet
inconveniently remembered to keep her clothes on. This show needs to
get its priorities straight.
Top TV Pick #2™: Battlestar Galactica (SCI FI, Fri 10
pm). Do teenagers like Battlestar Galactica? Well, if not…
SCREW ‘EM! The brand-new season starts on April 4 (EEEE!!), and if
you’re a BSG n00b, then catch up with tonight’s retrospective
that encapsulates all three seasons in 30 minutes. Still no time? Then
I’ll encapsulate it in five words: Never trust a sexy robot.
Top TV Pick #3™: Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Tues 9 pm).
Top Chef‘s retarded cousin is back for another season of
untalented fast-food cooks being verbally lambasted by d-head British
chef Gordon Ramsay. Even better? In this episode, one of the cook’s
dishes makes Ramsay vomit onto a diner’s table (which improves the
taste of the food considerably).
NOW. On to the most thrilling news of recent days. The CW is
planning a NEW version of our old favorite, Beverly Hills,
90210! EEEEEEEE! 2 much! LOL! 2G2BT! Wait… what?!? You’re
too young to remember 90210? That’s like never having
heard of the Bible or Punky Brewster! Okay. So Beverly Hills,
90210 was only THE most awesome teen drama of the ’90s, which
starred evil Shannen Doherty and dreamy Jason Priestley as twins who
moved from the Midwest to attend West Beverly Hills High School, where
they experimented with drugs, sex, teen suicide, and wild music at the
Peach Pit. Plus there was a slut (Jennie Garth), a virgin (Tori “HA!”
Spelling), and a 45-year-old with hair implants (Luke Perry).
Anyway, I think those guys died or something. I don’t know. The
important thing is that the new 90210 is set to debut this fall,
and will be penned by Rob Thomas, who created Veronica Mars!
Again… EEEEEEE! This one will also center around a Midwestern
family who moves to Beverly Hills, but focuses on the serious issues
affecting teens TODAY… such as text messaging, buying iPhones,
looking cute, auditioning for American Idol, watching High
School Musical a billion times, and sending old people to death
camps.
So in conclusion, the new 90210 is going to be my newest BF
4EVAH! ROTFLUTS! (((H))) TGIF! 😉 L8RG8R! I have no idea what I just
said. 