MONDAY,
SEPTEMBER 30 The week begins with a journey back in time to Tuesday, August 20, 2002. That’s when Last Days offered a spicy synopsis
of the saga of Carla Grayson and Adrianne Neff, the lesbian couple
in Missoula who, less than a week after announcing their participation
in a discrimination lawsuit against the University of Montana, had their
home burnt to the ground, with the pair narrowly escaping the blaze
with their two-year-old son. In August, the Associated Press reported on the 17-page
search warrant filed by Montana investigators, which appeared to lay blame
for the arson squarely on Grayson and Neff themselves. (Among the potentially
damning tidbits: the intricate positioning of the gas-soaked ropes within the
couple’s home, and the tracing of the fire’s accelerant to a bucket in the women’s
garage.) Upon reading the Associated Press report, Last Days promptly banged out
a Montana arson update of our own, recounting the AP’s allegedly damning facts
and bemoaning the existence of homos so low they’d torch their own house for publicity
and pity. Not long after the publication of the Last Days item, we received a
fiery e-mail from Missoula resident Jess Byers, who wasted no time
in tearing us a new asshole. “I am absolutely appalled you would support
this slanderous slant of things,” wrote Byers, denouncing the laziness and anti-gay
bias of the Missoula police, and directing us to a slew of information contradicting
the AP’s “slanderous slant.” Perusing the new documents, Last Days was treated
to a fresh new view of the arson and its aftermath, a view littered with idiot
cops, blamed victims, and a cornucopia of deeply tenuous conclusions. Among the
highlights: In addition to grilling Grayson and Neff (a standard procedure, as
a fair number of fires are set by their alleged victims), Missoula police also
questioned Karl Olson, executive director of the Montana LGBT advocacy
group responsible for organizing the 700-strong rally against hate crimes held
in Missoula the day after the arson. Apparently doubting Olson’s ability to organize
such a rally without foreknowledge of the crime, police instead cast Olson as
just another evil gay participant in Grayson and Neff’s evil gay conspiracy. (And
FYI: The positioning of the gas-soaked ropes was far from intricate, and could’ve
been done by any homo-hating redneck in sneakers.) “Clearly the police have no
actual evidence that would allow them to charge Neff and Grayson with any crime,”
writes Montana activist Mona Bachmann. “And yet they continue to slander
Grayson and Neff in the court of public opinion, putting forward their damaging
conjectures as facts.” Last Days apologizes for our lazy parroting of the AP’s
half-assed facts, and urges the Montana police to get off their dumb butts and
find the arsonist, whoever he (or she) might be.
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 1 Nothing happened today (unless you count the
filming of Elimidate this evening at the Capitol Hill clubs Bad
Juju Lounge and Barça, which witnesses describe as the most
disheartening display of heterosexuality since the pinball-machine scene in
The Accused.)
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 2 In much lighter news, today every news organization
in the world reported the results of the world’s largest-ever scientific
study of humor, conducted by the British Association for the Advancement
of Science. Studying more than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries, British researchers
learned a number of fascinating facts about the shocking diversity of humor,
including the Scottish love of death jokes, Americans’ love of jokes that
make someone look stupid, and more than 300 polled subjects’ selection
of the fol
lowing as the funniest joke in the world: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
THURSDAY,
OCTOBER 3 Speaking of violent death: Today a Pierce County
jury ordered the death sentence for Robert Lee Yates Jr.,
the 50-year-old former military pilot and father of five found guilty of the
aggravated murders of Melinda Mercer, 24, and Connie Ellis, 35,
in the late ’90s. Today’s verdict was a touchdown for the Pierce County prosecutors
eager to override the plea bargain made with Yates by Spokane County
prosecutors, who promised not to seek the death penalty in exchange for
Yates’ confession. Yates admitted killing 13 people and was sentenced to 408
years in prison, but Pierce County refused to go along with the deal, retrying
Yates in Tacoma for the murders of the two women Yates confessed to killing
in their jurisdiction. Today a seven-man, five-woman jury sentenced Robert Yates
(now a jailbird Jesus-freak) to death by lethal injection.
FRIDAY,
OCTOBER 4 Today brings a thrilling Hot Tip from Hot Tipper
Evan, who was enjoying a birthday dinner at the legendary swank-hole
Canlis this evening when his eye was caught by “three well-dressed but
kind of sleazy-looking young guys” being seated at the table next to his. “They
were a little drunk, and a little loud,” writes Evan, who overheard enough of
the tipsy trio’s well-amplified conversation to discern that they were editors
for “some porn conglomerate.” Evan’s suspicions were confirmed when, as the
men’s salads arrived, they pulled out three magazines–“Butt Love,
Tail Ends, and Spread,” specifies
eagle-eyed Evan–and began discussing layouts at the table. “The whole restaurant
stopped and watched them,” writes Evan. “Eventually the men were asked by the
management to put the porn away or leave.” After a brief argument, the loudmouthed
porn mavens put their skin mags away and peace ensued–at least until the guys
began a loud, bawdy discussion of some “talent” they were planning on
“auditioning later,” prompting the beleaguered Canlis management to turn out
the professional pervs once and for all. “The folks at Canlis had no sense of
humor about it,” writes Evan, “but it made my night.” Thanks to Evan for noticing
and remembering and sharing, and happy birthday to him.
SATURDAY,
OCTOBER 5 Nothing happened today (except for the nonfatal
stabbing of Paris’ openly gay mayor by a deranged, homo-
hating Muslim.)
SUNDAY,
OCTOBER 6 Nothing happened today, either (except for the thousands
of conscientious citizens who marched from Volunteer Park to Westlake Center
to register their opposition to war in Iraq. See page 11 for a full report).
Hey everybody: This past spring, I made a concert film of my solo play STRAIGHT, and on Wednesday, Oct. 23, STRAIGHT-the-film will play at the Harvard Exit, as part of the 2002 Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival. Call 325-6500 for tix & info.
Send your Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.
