MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 The week began with two of Last Days’ major themes–horrific child abuse and the insanity that eventually overcomes all who treat the Bible as fact–colliding in one “singularly awful story. Reported by the Associated Press and set in nearby Vancouver, WA, the gruesome tale concerns 33-year-old Edwin Bruce Baxter, a professional truck driver and father of nine who was arrested and charged with first-degree assault of a child after allegedly attempting to circumcise his 8-year-old son in the family bathroom. According to police statements, Baxter told sheriff’s deputies he at tempted the circumcision after reading some Old Testament selections hyping the wang-centric covenant; but when his cut son appeared to be losing too much blood, Baxter rejected the Bible for 911. The child was rushed to Southwest Washington Medical Center where he received “several stitches.” As for the Bible-thumping, knife-wielding, accused father, Edwin Baxter is being held on $50,000 bail prior to his arraignment on September 7. If convicted, Baxter faces at least 10 years in prison.
— Meanwhile in Iraq: A suicide bomber detonated an explosives-packed vehicle on the outskirts of Fallujah, killing seven U.S. Marines and three Iraqi national guardsmen, and helping to spike the U.S. casualty count to more than 1,000.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 In far better news: Today we sing the praises of Judge Richard Hicks, the Thurston County Superior Court Judge who today became the second trial judge in four weeks to strike down Washington’s Defense of Marriage Act (overwhelmingly approved by the legislature six years ago), ruling that gays and lesbians are part of a protected minority class deserving of the rights of all Americans. In his 38-page ruling, Judge Hicks detailed how Washington’s Constitution protects homosexuals as a suspect class, a group with such immutable characteristics as race or sex that entitle them to equal protection of the law. On this point, the smart Judge Hicks outdid his DOMA-rejecting predecessor, King County Superior Court Judge William Downing, who dissented from the Defense of Marriage Act without declaring gays a protected class. However, both judges ruled that marriage is a fundamental right, the denial of which includes the denial of a plethora of benefits and privileges afforded to heterosexuals. Another point of interest in Hicks’ ruling, the Seattle Times reports, was the healthy survival of gay families. “Same-sex couples can have children through artificial insemination and adopt children with government approval,” wrote Hicks. “Where is the protection for these children?” Despite its heroic common sense, Judge Hicks’ decision has no immediate practical effects. However, it will be hashed out before the state Supreme Court, possibly by mid-December.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 Today brought a beguiling tale of public grooming and entrepreneurial oddity care of Hot Tipper Jeremy, who was strolling through Belltown today when he saw “a homeless-looking man sitting on a cement ledge on Second Avenue. His shoes and socks were off, and he was picking at his toes.” Things got stranger as the barefoot man asked the approaching Jeremy if he liked crab. “I said no (even though I do) and kept walking, and he offered to sell me 15 pounds of frozen King crab, ‘fresh from the market.’ He said it was worth $130, but he’d let it go for $50. I didn’t take him up on his offer.”
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 9 Today brought a nauseating new twist in the already tragic story of King Robert “Bob” Mars, the beloved sixth-grade teacher and assistant football coach at Benton City’s Kiona-Benton High School, found stabbed to death last Sunday at Kiona-Benton Middle School. From the start, authorities have attributed Coach Mars’ murder to robbery gone wrong. But following Tuesday’s arrest of two Kennewick teens–identified by the Associated Press as 16-year-old Robert A. Suarez and a 14-year-old Jordan E. Castillo–police modified the robbery motive to include the far more disturbing and legally damning motive of gang initiation. According to court papers, the teens told investigators they killed Mars during a robbery. But as prosecutor Andy Miller posited during today’s proceedings at Benton County Superior Court, a plethora of evidence suggests that the teens took part in a gang initiation two days after Mars’ murder. Prosecutor Miller pointed to the fresh tattoo adorning 14-year-old Castillo’s hand at the time of his arrest (consisting of the letters MSP for “Mexicans Stand Proud”) as well as the cuts on Castillo’s forehead, explained to the court by Benton County Sheriff Larry Taylor: “Once accepted, [new gang members] are beaten up by the other gang members.” According to Prosecutor Miller, 16-year-old Suarez was one of three teens who initiated Castillo into the gang after Castillo allegedly met his initiation criteria of “pulling something big” by allegedly stabbing a beloved public servant to death. End results of today’s proceedings: first-degree murder and second-degree theft charges for 16-year-old Suarez, who will be tried as an adult, and aggravated first-degree murder charges for 14-year-old Castillo, whom prosecutors are also seeking to try as an adult. With forensic evidence reportedly linking the teens to a hunting knife retrieved near the middle school, both kids’ lives seem likely to be ruined for good. Thanks to a state supreme court ruling that juveniles under 18 can’t be executed, both Suarez and Castillo get to keep their fucked-up lives to the very end. Deep condolences to Coach Mars’ family and friends, and to Castillo’s and Suarez’s parents, who are undoubtedly torturing themselves with thoughts of time machines and retroactive abortions.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 Nothing happened today (unless you count the photographs of the more than 1,000 U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan displayed today in New York City’s Union Square Park, or the guy in Florida sentenced today to six months in jail for swinging a three-foot alligator at his girlfriend).
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 As Dubya presided over two minutes of silence to honor the third anniversary of 9/11 (one minute for victims at the World Trade Center, the other for victims at the Pentagon), today U.S. Army specialist Armin J. Cruz pled guilty to conspiracy and maltreatment of prisoners at Abu Ghraib, for which the 24-year-old Cruz was sentenced to eight months confinement, a reduction in rank, and a bad-conduct discharge.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 The week ends with a fittingly gruesome report from Hot Tipper Katie, who exactly one week ago today attended a Dave Matthews Band concert at the Gorge. “A couple in front of me was making out,” writes Katie, “which I didn’t really mind too much, but what followed was one of the most disgusting things I have EVER witnessed.” According to eyewitness Katie, the dance of disgustingness began with the girl reaching over and popping a huge zit on her boyfriend’s face. The young lady then transferred the pulpy zit matter from her fingers to his, inspiring the boyfriend to roll the zit-pulp between them while the girlfriend licked his face, directly on the drilling site. “EWWWWW!!” writes Katie. “You know that she ingested some pimple in the process. Disgusting.”
Dear Katie: Don’t be afraid of love. Everyone else, send Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com
