MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15 Nearly 100 computer users marched today on Microsoft’s
Silicon Valley offices, demanding refunds for Windows software they didn’t
want to buy and don’t intend to use, reports the Associated Press. Nearly 90
percent of personal computers sold come pre-loaded with the Windows operating
system–a practice today’s marchers denounced as a “rip-off by a monopoly” while
proclaiming their loyalty to Linux, a rival PC operating system developed
by Finnish student Linus Torvalds in the early ’90s. Microsoft refuses to give
refunds for pre-loaded Windows, claiming buyers are free to choose computers
with non-Microsoft operating systems. In an uncharacteristic gesture of goodwill,
Microsoft officials served refreshments to the demonstrators beneath a banner
reading Microsoft Welcomes the Linux Community. “We don’t want your drinks.
We want refunds,” said Linux supporter Eric Raymond, who, unfortunately, came
to the demonstration dressed like Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. We wish
we were making that up.
ย Also today: Mere hours after being notified of his Nobel Peace Prize
nomination, exonerated slut, alleged rapist, and enthusiastic bomber of
Iraq Bill Clinton was living it up aboard Air Force One with hemp
beer. Stewards on the flight informed the Drudge Report of serving a hemp-oil-infused
cream ale to the Prez-n-guests (including members of Congress). This report
comes just weeks after an Air Force ban on all hemp products (a sergeant beat
a marijuana charge by claiming traces of the drug came from a vitamin.) While
none of the imbibers reported ill effects, all reported increased horniness
and a ferocious desire for Pringles.
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 16 Today began the capital murder trial of John William
King, the 24-year-old white supremacist charged with the murder of James
Byrd, a 49-year-old black Texan dragged to death behind a pickup truck last
June in Jasper, Texas. In their opening arguments, prosecutors characterized
the brutal killing as “a publicity stunt” designed to draw attention and attract
members to the Texas Rebel Soldiers, a fledgling racist group King hoped
to found with members of a white supremacist prison gang. They also described
King’s tattoo-coated body as a “walking exhibit of racial hatred,” featuring
an image of a lynching, the words “Aryan Pride,” and several neo-Nazi and Satanic
symbols. If convicted, King faces life in prison or death by lethal injection.
ย Speaking of race and murder: An auction today of OJ Simpson‘s
assorted belongings raised a total of $430,000–enough to pay 1/78th of the
$33.5 million civil judgment against him over the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown
Simpson and Ronald Goldman. Among the items on the block were five of Simpson’s
number 32 football jerseys, an original painting by disco diva Donna Summer,
and the 1968 Heisman Trophy, which fetched a whopping $230,000.
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 17 Today was Ash Wednesday, the day for
Catholics to remind themselves of their impending death by smudging their foreheads
with grime. It also marks the first day of Lent, the 40-day period for
Catholics to pay tribute to Jesus’ stint in the wilderness by denying themselves
something they enjoy. (Among the most common Lenten sacrifices: drinking, swearing,
child molesting.) The period of Lent ends on Easter Sunday, when Catholics celebrate
the resurrection of Jesus and are free to get drunk, cuss, and molest all the
children they want.
ย Also: Lent, schment! Alabama women ain’t gonna give up their vibrators without a fight. Today an ACLU lawyer representing several Alabama businesswomen asked a federal judge to strike down an anti-obscenity statute passed last year
banning the sale of sex toys. “It’s a $10,000 fine and a year of hard labor
if you get caught selling vibrators,” said Sherri Williams, owner of two Alabama
“romance boutiques,” according to Reuters. The U.S. District judge gave no indication
when he would rule on the matter, and a state representative noted that the
law banned only the sale, not the use, of vibrators. “We see the legislature
acting within its powers.”
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 18 The makers of Jack Daniels are pushing
for legislation to allow the sale of pre-mixed coolers and cocktails in Washington state groceries and convenience stores, reports The Seattle
Times. Jack Daniels’ coolers, packaged under names such as Lynchburg Lemonade,
Cactus Kicker, and Blackberry Jack, contain 5.9 percent alcohol–less alcoholic
than wine coolers or cider, both of which are sold in commercial stores. But
since the products are made with liquor as opposed to being malt or wine-based,
they’re relegated to state liquor store shelves; a ruling that booze lobbyist
Monita Fontaine likens to “putting the products in jail.” If passed, bill SB5209
would allow spirit-based drinks containing 7 percent or less alcohol to be sold
in groceries and taxed at a lower rate than pure spirits. While critics have
denounced the bill as “the opening shot in an industry assault on the state’s
66-year-old monopoly on hard-liquor sales,” supporters have celebrated the bill
as the opening shot in an industry assault on the state’s 66-year-old monopoly
on hard-liquor sales.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19 More business in Olympia: A conservative
Christian women’s group is opposing a bill that would create a commission
to look out for women’s interests, reports The Seattle Times.
Sponsored by Sen. Jeanne Kohl-Welles and 14 other legislators, bill SB5098 would
seek to ensure equal access and nondiscrimination for women in government, business,
and education–a move the Christian group Concerned Women for America calls a waste of taxpayer’s money and unnecessary in a state where female lawmakers
have strong representation (nearly 41%) in the state legislature. “Besides,”
said CWA spokeswoman Mandy Crump, “we’re the ones who fucked everything up back
in Eden, and if anything, women deserve much worse than what they’re getting
now.”
ย Also today: Talent at the University of Washington! Tonight was
the second annual UW Talent Show, hosted for the second year by Seattle
drag superstar Chocha Fresca. In the packed U-Dub Hub, thirteen acts
battled it out for the grand prize: a Gap gift certificate and dinner at the
Wildrose (if there’s one thing college kids like, its dinner at a dyke bar!).
First prize went to singer/pianist Robin Young, who performed a self-penned
ballad for his recently deceased mother, then lightened the mood by grabbing
Chocha’s ass. Congratulations, Robin!
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 20 Shocking news regarding America’s finest actress Lisa
Kudrow. Today the website Mr. Showbiz revealed that our lady Lisa
(of Friends and The Opposite of Sex fame) remained a virgin until
her marriage in 1995 at age 31! “My virginity was something I had decided was
something that I owned, to give away,” Kudrow reveals in the March issue of
W. “It was an honor I was bestowing on a young man, and he had to be
worthy of it.” Please, make this woman President now.
ย Also today: Thumbs down on the premature death of Gene Siskel.
The skinny half of the bitchy movie-review duo Siskel & Ebert died today at
age 53, following a 10 month battle with a brain tumor.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 21 The week ended with an enormous sigh of relief from
Seattle book lovers, who learned this week of the sale of ailing independent
bookstore Elliott Bay Books to Bellevue developer Ron Sher, an apparently
tasteful man who has no plans to turn the beloved literary institution into
a goddamn Barnes & Noble. Sher told the P-I the only changes he planned
to make to the venerable Elliott Bay are the addition of used books to the store’s
stock, the creation of more comfortable places to sit and linger, and transformation
of the downstairs cafรฉ into a Honey Bear Bakery. Most happily, the bookstore’s
nationally celebrated reading series will continue, curated as always by Elliott
Bay’s Rick Simonson. Actually, all this stuff was reported on Friday, but we
didn’t have anything for today, and good news is timeless.
Send your time-sensitive Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.