MONDAY, JULY 28 This week of blameworthy beasts, fantasy crashes,
and the worst Greyhound bus story in the history of the world kicks off
with a splashy bit of local governmenting, as the Seattle City Council
approved a 20-cent charge on disposable paper or plastic shopping
bags, historically provided for free at convenience, drug, and
grocery stores. Designed to encourage the use of reusable shopping bags
(which would reduce both waste and
greenhouse-gas emissions), the
disposable-bag fee goes into effect January 1, 2009, but the
bitching is already underway. Dear bag-fee bitchers: Shut up. Dear
dog-poop picker-uppers: You can buy those handy little rolls of plastic
poop bags in bulk for cheap on eBay.
TUESDAY, JULY 29 The week continues with not one but two flare-ups
by the 21st century’s go-to villains, pit bulls, who today
engaged in two bouts of aggravated mayhem in Seattle. Bout number
one occurred this afternoon in north Seattle, where, as an
eyewitness told KIRO, a trio of pit bulls escaped from a house
and attacked a woman and her cocker spaniel as they walked down the
street. Police arrived midattack and shot one dog (who’s expected to
survive) and handed the two others over to animal control (their fates
are unknown.) As for the victims: The woman was bitten on the hand,
while her dog was hospitalized with numerous bites and internal
bleeding. Bout number two occurred this afternoon near Queen
Anne, where, as driver Hilary Dutton told police, her 4-month-old
pit bull puppy jumped onto the steering wheel of her moving car,
causing her to plow into a 57-year-old off-duty police officer.
The officer—whom the Seattle Times reports was flagging
traffic prior to his crushing-by-puppy—was taken to
Harborview Medical Center with non-life-threatening injuries to his
neck and legs.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 30 In much better news, today Barney Frank,
the U.S. Representative from Massachusetts and chairman of the House
Financial Services Committee, introduced House Resolution 5843,
soon to be better known as the Personal Use of Marijuana by
Responsible Adults Act of 2008, a title that suggests the
resolution’s goals plainly. If passed, HR 5843 would support marijuana
smokers possessing up to 100 grams of pot (almost a quarter pound)
without being arrested, and would allow the “nonprofit transfer” of up
to an ounce of pot. As CNN reports, the resolution wouldn’t address
laws pertaining to growing, importing, or exporting marijuana, or
selling it for profit; state laws regarding marijuana use would also be
unaffected. Still, as Representative Frank pointed out, about a dozen
states have passed laws supporting the use of medical marijuana use,
and for the federal government to devote resources to arresting people
who are complying with their states’ laws is stupid.
(Particularly when the illicit substance in question is exactly as
harmful and/or benign as fully legal alcohol.) Stay tuned for the
backlash of histrionics and hand wringing and, hopefully, more bracing
sanity from Barney Frank.
••Meanwhile in Texas: Officials at the Katy, Texas,
Morton Ranch High School today found themselves embroiled in a
glittery, pom-pom-ridden scandal, after more than a dozen
members of the high school’s cheerleading squad were accused of
subjecting underclasspersons to dangerous hazing. Details come
from ABC, which reports the alleged hazing took place at a cheer camp
at Texas A&M University, where the traditional initiation of junior
varsity cheerleaders consists of a surprise, middle-of-the-night trip
to a waffle house. But according to this year’s crew of JV
cheerleaders, the traditional initiation took a sinister turn,
with the varsity cheerleaders allegedly blindfolding the girls,
binding their hands with duct tape, and throwing them into a pool. “Once you duct-tape someone’s hands, blindfold them, throw them in a
pool, that’s way too far,” said the sister of a Morton Ranch High
School junior varsity cheerleader. “And when a girl (BEEP) in her pants
and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting.”
School district officials have announced their investigation of “an
alleged off-campus incident possibly involving inappropriate behavior
by certain students.” Meanwhile, Last Days officials have announced
their investigation of what’s behind the above (BEEP)? “Pees”?
“Poos”? “Miscarries”? We must know.
THURSDAY, JULY 31 In much worse news, today we turn to the
aforementioned worst Greyhound bus story in the history of the
world, which happened yesterday along the Trans-Canada Highway in
Manitoba. Horrific details come from Reuters, which identifies the
scene of the horror as a Greyhound bus heading east toward Winnipeg
with 37 passengers. Among these passengers was a young man, who
witnesses say was sleeping with his head against the window with
headphones on when his seatmate abruptly began stabbing him with a
butcher knife. As passengers fled to the front of the bus and
alerted the driver, the butcher-knife-wielding suspect—described
as tall, large, and wearing sunglasses—held up the young man’s
severed head and continued hacking at the body. The bus stopped, the
passengers fled, and the knife-wielding man was locked in the disabled
bus until police arrived and instigated what would become an hours-long
standoff, during which an RCMP officer reported seeing the attacker
hacking off pieces of the victim’s body and eating them. Tomorrow,
Vince Weiguang Li—a 40-year-old man from Edmonton,
Alberta, with no criminal record—will be charged with
second-degree murder in the grisly beheading, while the victim will be
identified as Tim McLean, a 22-year-old Winnipeg man traveling
home after working at a carnival in Edmonton. Condolences to everyone,
including but not limited to the victim’s family and friends, the
suspect’s family and friends, all the people on the bus who had to
watch that shit happen, and all of you who just had to read about it.
(But mostly the victim’s family and friends.)
FRIDAY, AUGUST 1 Nothing happened today, unless you count the
birthdays of the bulbous comic actor with semifoxy offspring Dom
DeLuise (born on this day in 1933), longtime Grateful Dead
leader/current actual dead man Jerry Garcia (1942), and beloved
Cosby kid/failed talk-show lady Tempestt Bledsoe (1973).
SATURDAY, AUGUST 2 Nothing happened today, unless you count the
death days of legendary gunfighter/Deadwood cameo star Wild
Bill Hickok (who was fatally shot on this day in 1876),
President Warren G. Harding (heart attack, 1923), and
short-story master/editorial lottery winner Raymond Carver (cancer, 1988.)
SUNDAY, AUGUST 3 The week ends with a fiery crash above Lake
Washington, as four U.S. Navy Blue Angel fighter jets gathered for Seafair’s air show and tearing through the sky over Lake
Washington collided and exploded, completely destroying each
aircraft while sending the pilots safely down onto cushiony tent tarps
and bouncy inflatable rafts.
We can dream. Send Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.
