I’m a young heteroflexible guy who has been a “sugar baby” for a handful of wealthy older guys. I love it! I get money, I have fun being with them, and the guys seem to like having me around. The problem is that I just got with a new guy who is really great except for one thing: He is HIV positive. I like the fact that he told me, and I am open to being with him sexually even though I am HIV negative and want to stay that way.
He is VERY submissive—he wants to be used and abused sexually, physically, and mentally. My question is, what kinds of sex acts are okay to do with this guy? I read on one site that him rimming me is fine, and on another that him giving me a blowjob with a condom is safe, too. But I can’t find a site that specifically explains which sex acts are safe and which ones aren’t when one person is positive and one person is negative.
Help In Virginia
It’s pretty simple, HIV: Sex acts that expose you to his semen and/or blood are definitely unsafe, and sex acts that expose him to your semen and/or blood are mostly safe. Rimming you, blowing you (even without a condom), getting fucked by you (with a condom)—all very low risk for HIV transmission. If he’s on a drug regimen and his viral load is undetectable, HIV, your already-low risks of being exposed while, say, accepting a blowjob (and a check) are even lower. The risks aren’t nonexistent—all sex acts carry some degree of risk—but if the risks were any closer to nonexistent, they’d be sitting on nonexistent’s lap.
And bear this in mind: Odds are good that some of the other guys you’ve babied for—some of your previous daddies—were HIV positive and either didn’t know or didn’t have the decency to disclose. This guy’s willingness to disclose is evidence not just of his honesty and decency, HIV, but of his respect for you and his commitment to keeping you safe. This guy is less likely to ask you to engage in sex acts that are higher risk or unsafe than a guy who isn’t aware that he’s positive or is actively hiding the fact that he’s positive. And his interest in being “used and abused” creates lots of hot safe-sex-play options—letting him beat off while he licks your boots or jerking him off while he’s tied to the bed with your jock in his mouth are no-risk sexual activities that he’s likely to enjoy immensely.
I’m a 24-year-old straight guy. I’ve been with my girl for three years, and things are great—great sex life, great communication, etc. We have lots of sex—but for the last year or so, she has not been on birth control and we have not been using condoms. We’re not against the idea of a child, but we aren’t currently going for it. I was always told that pulling out was a 100 percent ineffective method of birth control. So my question is, I guess, could there be something wrong with one of us? How could we have unprotected sex for a year without getting her pregnant? We both really want children eventually and are worried it might not happen.
Sent From My iPhone
Withdrawal is a much more effective birth control method than most sex advisers are comfortable acknowledging. But facts are facts: A comprehensive study conducted by researchers at the Guttmacher Institute found that withdrawal was almost as effective a birth control option as condoms. (“Better Than Nothing or Savvy Risk-Reduction Practice? The Importance of Withdrawal,” Contraception, June 2009.)
“If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4% of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year,” the authors of the study wrote. That compares pretty favorably with the 2 percent of straight couples who will become pregnant using condoms perfectly over the course of a year.
In the real world, of course, very few people do anything perfectly. When you take mistakes, leaks, and broken condoms into account, researchers estimate that 17 percent of straight couples who rely on condoms will become pregnant in any given year. Not all withdrawers use withdrawal perfectly, either—amazingly enough, some guys get distracted and forget to pull out as their orgasms approach—but the research shows that just 18 percent of straight couples who use withdrawal will get pregnant in any given year.
So odds are good that you’re not infertile, SFMi, just lucky.
I’m a young lesbian. I recently met a girl who’s cute, and I think we’re on the likely-to-have-sex-soon track. The thing is, she confided in me that she’s participated in needle play in dungeon-party situations. I’m not someone who is turned off by kinkiness just ’cause it’s kinky, but it seems like even “safe” needle play is a recipe for STI transmission unless you’re playing with trained medical professionals. She says she gets tested regularly, but still, would it be really risky for me to sleep with her?
Enthusiastic Reader
Every time I’ve watched needle play in a dungeon-party situation—watched with my hands clamped over my eyes, peeking through the small spaces between my fingers—no one was being stuck with rusty needles by dirty-handed brutes. All the public needle-play scenes I’ve witnessed were ostentatiously sterile affairs: These kinksters, some of whom were trained medical professionals, made a big show of using alcohol wipes, cotton swabs, latex gloves, and clean sharps. I think it’s fair to ask this girl for more information about her blood and needle experiences, about the safety precautions that her partners took, and about how recently she was tested. But rest assured, ER, that the most effective STI transmission routes involve sticking dicks in people in completely vanilla situations, not clean needles in dungeon-party situations.
Here’s some information for MILK, the man who is aroused by the thought of being sprayed with his wife’s breast milk: It is common for newly lactating women to experience strong “milk ejection reflexes” during sex. This is induced by the hormone oxytocin, which is released during labor and orgasm, and when the milk “lets down” during breast-feeding. In other words: New mothers often spray milk when they get off. Most women are embarrassed when this happens, but at least MILK’s wife will know the first time it happens that her husband isn’t going to freak out about it.
Breast-feeding Educator’s Sex Tips
Thanks for sharing, BEST.
CONFIDENTIAL TO AMERICAN LADIES: Republicans took the House of Representatives after campaigning on jobs, debt, and taxes. But it’s been nonstop assaults on Planned Parenthood and reproductive freedom ever since. The GOP is always going on and on about how they want to shrink the size of government, and now we know why: They want to stuff the government in your vagina.
CONFIDENTIAL TO CANADIAN EVERYBODIES: Please go to www.shitharperdid.com, have a laugh, and then do what you can to send Stephen Harper packing or, failing that, deny him a majority. Pretty please?
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Hey 157, go tote the ” Manifest Destiny” doctrine..
As your wizened, learned Buddha ” Dr.Phil” has said to you: ” How is that working’ for ya?”..
God bless our socialist country…
Douche-bag…
@37
The Language Police would like to inform you that ‘primary’ (as in ‘primary form of birth control’) does not mean ‘only’, it means ‘main’.
As you were.
Geez, rocketman2u, chill out! Backyard Bombardier and I have spent our fair share of time defending the right of people from other countries-like Canada- to comment on US politics on these threads, so it follows that informed, caring people from the States should be free to comment on Canadian politics. (We’re the interloper Canadians on this US blog…remember??)
If SFMi is really that worried there are over-the-counter fertility tests for men and women now. They’re available in the UK from the chemists, and probably by mail order from the internet too. Cheaper (though a bit less thorough and accurate) than going to a fertility clinic to find out.
It is not impossible that SFMi or his partner has compromised fertility despite all these stats about withdrawal working – the younger you know, the more time you have to decide if and what you might want to do about it. Age is by far from being the only way that people lose their fertility.
Having said that I have friends who couldn’t get pregnant together and they discovered after IUI worked first time that the reason was they were never both at home when she was ovulating. So you never know.
I can’t believe this, but I’m sorta kinda siding with Slidebone, here.
Vilification of the Conservatives does us no good. There are plenty of reasons for a thinking person not to vote Conservative based on their policies (and on their contempt for Parliament); it’s not necessary to paint Harper as some right-of-Bush monster. Conservatives are not evil; they are people with a different vision for this country than mine and I will never vote for them, but their Canada would still be a reasonably livable place.
The incumbent Tory MP in my riding is an incompetent blowhard, and I’d love to see him out of office (won’t happen, I’m in rural Alberta). The incumbent Tory MLA, on the other hand, is a competent and reasonable person with a moderate viewpoint. I’ll still never vote for him because I disagree with too many policies of his party, but I’m not going to go into mourning when he gets reelected in the next provincial election.
I’d like to pick up on a personal pet peeve of mine – let’s not get into the habit of becoming too leader-centered in discussions on Canadian politics. The only people in this country voting for *Harper* will be the voters of Calgary Southwest. We’re not Americans, we do not vote for our Prime Minister.
@162- “they discovered after IUI worked first time that the reason was they were never both at home when she was ovulating.
This is why prospective parents should be understand the woman’s fertility window! Anyone who is having any trouble getting pregnant should try charting for a few months. Compared to raising a newborn, it’s no trouble/expense at all, and it tells you unambiguously the few days each month when you have to screw if you want to make a baby.
Screwing outside the window = fun, but no baby. Screwing inside the window, and not getting pregnant within a couple of months = evidence that you may need to consult a doctor about fertility issues.
agony, I think the thing that worries me so much about Harper is that he has tried, unsuccessfully, to put same-sex marriage up for debate again, he’s anti abortion, and although he says it won’t be revisited, read this:
http://drdawgsblawg.ca/2011/04/abortion-…
He tries to come across as innocuous, but I think he’d be a very different, very dangerous man with a majority government. If a little vilification makes people think twice, or look deeper into his background, I think that’s okay, but that’s just my take on it…
http://www.shitharperdid.com is an awesome website. And don’t worry Dan, it looks like tomorrow will be an historic election, possibly with a Conservative minority and the very left-leaning, woman friendly, anti-war, pro-gay NDP party as the official opposition. Pure awesomeness.
For me, I seriously dislike the negative, personality based direction our elections are taking, and don’t want to buy into any aspect of it. If he cannot be defeated on the issues, maybe we deserve him.
I also think the vilification does our side harm, because the tendency would not be to make people look a little deeper, but instead, recoil in disgust at the negativity. It really is not our way. Overstating the case, only telling one side of the story – most Canadians do not like that style.
I think a Harper majority would be very bad for this country. However, I think US style polarization of politics would be worse.
The hope for this country is consensus building, and one of my biggest issues with the Conservatives is the way they threw away the chance these last two minority governments gave them, to work together with the other parties to enact legislation that everyone can swallow. Mr Harper, personally, has shown very clearly that he cannot play nicely with others, and that alone is enough reason to not vote for his party.
starshine_kitten, dream on. I’d love to see it, but it ain’t gonna happen.
“Withdrawal is a much more effective birth control method than most sex advisers are comfortable acknowledging,” but it is a bummer. Part of the joy is comming into that squishy delicious membrane called vagina. Granted, not all the time, but whenever desirable and/or possible.
However, Dan’s advice should not, by any means, be taken as permission to withdraw at all times. Ask the thounsands of unwilling pregnant women who happen to have gootten that way by a bad withdrawers. Especially teen single mothers. My advice: use any method other that withdrawal –unless you don’t fear getting pregnant– and be conscious of the consequences of your acts.
@ 6 – “I guess you could also switch holes at the last minute just like they do in the movies.”
___________
No wonder your comments are so immature and repulsive!
Hey, there, TROLL, you may wish to remember that the PERSON you are fucking is a human being and NOT a “hole.”
Newsflash: women are NOT “holes” – no matter how much your teenage boy mind likes to think of them that way.
Grow up, and do it before you go and have sex with someone else. Oh, wait. Maybe that is why you “watch movies.”
Here’s another newsflash for YOU: those movies aren’t REAL.
You are a creep and I don’t give a damn who thinks otherwise.
Go and learn some self-respect and try to refrain from using other human beings as “holes.”
It is men like you who make me – and alot of women – think twice about fucking ANY of you at all. And, sweetheart, I’m not alone in that assessment.
The next time you sit around all bitter and moaning about all the “bitches” in the world (and, yep, we can all tell that is EXACTLY what you get up to when you don’t have to be “polite”) look in the mirror and ask yourself this: “maybe if I didn’t think of women as “holes” then maybe I’d be able to engage in the act of sex with them?” Or, how about the next time one of “your kind” meaning, creepy-self-entitled-immature-but-the-world-owes-me-something-men” joins the peanut gallery of sitting around degrading women, YOU actually speak up and say something to set them straight.
Enough with the “games,” the lies, the bullshit that men like you perpetrate simply because you have LOW SELF-ESTEEM and think that by bringing women (in general, mind) down to your level, you’ve “achieved” something.
By the way, honey, “love” isn’t found in your dick.
Also, sweat doesn’t make the human vagina wet, by the way. That is down to lubrication.
Here’s a biology lesson for YOU: sweat contains SALT which dries out membranous tissues, unlike vaginal lubrication.
Once again, that “hole” you fuck is a human and not a rubber doll. You can’t just pour water – or “sweat” over the hole and then get your jollies.
It is astonishing that men like you make it out of grade school – much less to adulthood (and, THAT is a big assumption, indeed, because I’m sure that you are a teenage boy and just don’t know any better).
It will be a fine day when “movies” go back to being about people fucking and not about male neuroses and their ignorance of the female body.
I feel sorry for you children, nowadays.
Yes, even if you’re in your 40s (doubtful) you are still a child as far as I’m concerned.
Now, go troll somewhere else – or better yet, read a biology book or go learn something that contributes to humanity.
Yep, I know I gave you an audience and cheap thrill for your trolling but maybe someone else will read this and see a different perspective to your marlacky that you insist on posting.
What do you call people who use the “rhythm method” as a form of birth control? Answer: parents.
@150: If you properly understood what strategic voting is about, you’d know that it isn’t about a “Lib vs. Con battle – forever”. It’s about a “any candidate but Conservative” battle. Why don’t you go to http://www.democracyproject.ca, look up your riding to see how the votes fell during the last election, and see which Liberal/NDP/Green/non-Conservative candidate stands the best chance of beating a Harper crony. Then vote for that person, and hope that every other Canadian who can’t stand Harper will do the same.
As long as our votes are all split on the left, we’re never going to get rid of Harper, so let’s get smart about our voting strategy.
Whether or not Harper stays in office, this will stay in my vocabulary:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.ph…
Whether or not Harper stays in office, this will stay in my vocabulary:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.ph…
Well, starshine_kitten, I guess I need to at least partially eat my words. Never thought I’d see an NDP opposition – hope they don’t squander their opportunity. Very happy tonight, even with the Tory majority.
@149 Luckily, there is this handy comic that will clarify why you are an idiot without me having to explain how science works to you knowing full well you won’t read what I wrote or ever care how science works unless you can use the information to justify acting like a cunt in a bar.
On the FAM issue, my late partner and I used it for over 20 years, only using condoms on potentially fertile days (roughly 4-5 days a mth, to allow for the the life of both the egg and the sperm). I kept basal temp. charts for several years to track my ovulations, but eventually gave it up, since I could tell from other signs when I was fertile.
Studies on “FAM” that don’t take into account whether or not couples used the “strict” method (no unprotected sex pre-ovulation…we didn’t, ftr), or always APPLIED the method properly are worthless.
23% chance of pregnancy, on average, over a year? Not bloodly likely IF the couple was actually, consistently, practicing FAM, either with abstinence or protected sex during fertile times.
We produced 2 children in 23 years, neither one of which was a result of a failure of the method (one was a broken condom baby and the other a “WTF/let’s do it” baby, conceived through condom-less sex with full knowledge that conception was likely:)
Never tried withdrawal (or wanted to).
“What do you call people who use the “rhythm method” as a form of birth control? Answer: parents.”
True. Going by a calendar instead of the woman’s body is a fool’s game. I’ve always been regular as clockwork, with 28 day cycles, but even so, I spent years charting my temps and learning to recognize the other signs (soft, opening cervix, fertile mucus, etc..) of approaching or actual fertility (and since sperm can live inside the woman’s body for up to 3 days, it is important to PREDICT ovulation, not just CONFIRM it after the fact; perfectly possible to get pregnant from sex a few days BEFORE the egg is released).
One amazing device now available is a small magnifying lens which you can smear with vaginal secretions or saliva and hold it up to the light…if fertility is approaching, fern-like patterns are formed on the lens. Otherwise, just a smudge. And these changes occur far enough in advance of ovulation, as the hormones shift, to effectively prevent pregnancy if observed. Such knowledge and devices are a boon to those in areas where access to other birth control is limited or absent, as well as being pretty cool 🙂
Well. Dan obviously isn’t much of an international political operative, since his one paragraph repping shitharperdid failed to swing the election.
At least the ignorance, irrationality, arrogance, and political naivete (or intellectual dishonesty) displayed by a few of the pro-Harper/anti-left(ish)/anti-American Canadian posters who felt justified in telling a private individual (who happens to be a citizen of another country) writing on a privately owned website that he should or shouldn’t comment on a topic (even to state a rather broad political opinion and link to another (apparently Canadian-operated!) website was pretty entertaining. They actually sound a lot like teabaggers.
Would like to know where slidebone got his info about Obama supposedly not knowing that Canada is the US’s largest trade partner. I can’t find any bit of news on the subject that sounds remotely like that.
I used withdrawal for six years with six partners. No pregnancies, no other forms of BC (except for Plan B on a few occasions when they came inside me). The ONE TIME I said, “Fuck it, I’m on my period, just go ahead”– pregnant.
I think withdrawal works, but I don’t really want to do the expense or ordeal again so I just do the ring now. Might combine ring + withdrawal just to be on the safe side.
Can I just say, even if history says that there’s less than 5 recorded instances of HIV transmission through blowjobs doesn’t that still allow for the possibility that this sugarbaby could still contract the disease from his partner? With those kinds of odds I wouldn’t play, I’m trying to stay HIV negative so if I know for a fact my partner is positive then goodbye bj’s…
Looks like the Conservatives won. Nice try. America is next.