I’m going to Barack Obama’s inauguration in Washington, D.C., on January 20. I’ve spent eight
years, one month, one week, and one day waiting for this. (But who’s
counting?) However, I am looking for suggestions for a respectful way
to protest the participation of Rick Warren. As a lifelong
Episcopalian, I really don’t want to engage in an antireligious
protest. (FWIW: I was annoyed with some of the antireligious people at
the anti-8 rallies. We need all our allies for this fight, so don’t
trash the engaged, progressive religious folk!)

While my friends want me to throw shoes,
that ain’t gonna happen. Ideally, I’d like a peaceful, gracious way to
protest Warren’s participation that won’t undercut this great day, a
way that can be picked up (and publicized) by folks on the Mall. Any
suggestions?

Faithful Obama Girl

Whatever you do, FOG, don’t do those things
you, um, already said you don’t want to do. No one should boo or throw
shoes or do anything disruptive. The American Taliban love to pretend
that they’re the persecuted ones around here, and booing or
throwing shoes or even just turning your back on Warren—the
gay-hatin’, right-wing Christian bigot Barack Obama invited to give the
invocation at his inauguration—will invariably be spun as an
attack on people of faith, as a vicious assault on prayer itself, as
the moral equivalent of a syphilitic rent boy pissing directly into the
open mouth of a crying baby Jesus.

Instead, borrow a page from those
long-suffering gay Catholics. To register their displeasure with the
pope’s revealing obsession with gay sex, gay marriage, and gay shoes
(the douchebag wears Prada), some gay Catholics wear rainbow sashes to
mass. Perhaps folks disappointed by Warren’s participation could
coordinate a similar sartorial protest? Everyone wear a button with
that rainbow-striped version of the Obama logo? Wave little rainbow
flags during Warren’s remarks? Head to the Mall in nothing but rubber
chaps?

And speaking of Rick Warren, pastor of
Saddleback Church and author of The Purpose Driven Life…

My life’s purpose over the last week was
reading thousands of proposed new definitions for “saddlebacking” sent
in by my readers. As with the new definition of santorum crafted by
Savage Love readers (“the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is
sometimes a byproduct of anal sex”), the new definition of
“saddlebacking” has to be some act that (1) needs a name but doesn’t
already have one (we can’t just rename “reverse cowgirl,” people) and
(2) is naughty enough to discomfort, say, a Reverend Warren, but
something that actual people might actually do because that’s the only
way the actual word will actually get used.

So I’ve disqualified proposed definitions
that were too literal (“putting an actual saddle on someone’s
actual back and actually riding them”), too gross (“to
crap on someone’s back and then sit on it, moving forward and back
while making horse-riding-related noises like ‘giddyap!’ and ‘whoa!'”),
too complicated (“one person on all fours with a strap-on strapped to
their midsection, a second person riding said strap-on, and a third
person hitting the first person from behind while holding on for dear
life/giving a handjob to the second person”), or too bitter (“when you
give someone some kind of basic human right, like marriage, and then
take it away again after a few months”). Here are the proposed
definitions that made the cut:

(1) “Logically, if ‘barebacking’ means
having butt sex with no condom, then ‘saddlebacking’ should mean having
butt sex with a condom.”

(2) “Saddleback (verb): to submit someone to
any kind of humiliating, unreciprocal sex act, either literally or
metaphorically, consented to by passive partner due to
submissive/masochistic tendencies, desire for approval, or other darker
motive. E.g., ‘I don’t know why Obama is letting Rick Warren
saddleback him into presiding over his inauguration.'”

(3) “The saddleback position involves
placing your lubed dick between the butt cheeks of your partner. This
position can be performed on your sides or on top of a facedown partner
(maybe with a pillow under his or her hips). My favorite way of
finishing up the saddlebacking is to lift up and come on my wife’s
sweaty back. The saddleback is a nice compromise position when your
partner won’t allow anal entry.”

(4) “To saddleback is to rail against gay
sex in public while secretly indulging in the same in private. Ted
Haggard? Total saddlebacker. Larry Craig? Saddlebacker. Rick Warren?
Probably a saddlebacker.”

(5) “‘Saddlebacking’ should be the term for
the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in
order to preserve their virginities. ‘After attending the Purity Ball,
Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she’s saving herself
for marriage.’ Please, please adopt this definition!”

(6) “Saddleback (verb): to ejaculate on the
back of a partner at the culmination of doggy-style anal sex.”

(7) “Before being invited to give the
invocation, Mr. Warren was most noted for his book The Purpose
Driven Life. Therefore, ‘to saddleback’ is to fuck with a purpose,
i.e., to procreate. A heterosexual couple asked if they’re trying to
have children could reply, ‘No, we’re not ready for kids yet, but we’ll
probably start saddlebacking next year.'”

Those are the nominees, ladies and
gentlemen. But before we open the polls for a vote—you’re going
to pick the winning definition!—let me quickly handicap the
candidates:

(1) I like the idea that “sex” is understood
to include condoms and that sex without condoms—bareback
sex—needs a special term. But tons of people suggested that
“saddlebacking” should be the opposite of “barebacking,” so here it is.

(2) Seems a bit tortured and unlikely to come into common usage,
but I like the point the reader is making with this definition, so I
included it.
(3) Technically this kind of
assfuckery—butt-cheek fucking à la titty fucking, with no
actual penetration—is a form of frottage, but like a woman doing
a man in the butt with a strap-on dildo (dubbed “pegging” by Savage
Love readers), this particular brand of rubbing off could use a name of
its own. (4) One of my favorites—but does a Haggard or Craig
tumble out of the closet often enough for the term to come into use?
(5) Hilarious—and an entirely appropriate way to honor Reverend
Warren, who is a proponent of abstinence education, the “sex ed” that
has convinced so many Christian girls and boys that buttfucking isn’t
actually sex. (6) A common move—and not just in porn—that
could use a name. (7) Makes sense, so here it is. But I imagine Warren
would approve of this definition—except when lesbians used it
(even you, Melissa E.!).

Okay, Savage Love readers, “saddlebacking”
is in your hands now. Vote for your favorite definition from the list
of nominees by sending an e-mail to saddleback@savagelove.net. You
must include “saddleback” and the number of your preferred definition
in the subject line to have your vote count (“saddleback: 1,”
“saddleback: 2,” etc.). Vote now!

mail@savagelove.net

455 replies on “Savage Love”

  3. No contest…# 5 is fantastic and the only one worth considering. I’m not waiting for the results, I’m just going to start using that definition now.

  6. Maybe this would of been a better editorial and the advice column could be used for the GREAT advice that you usually give? Seems like more and more this column is used for things like this.. Thanks!

  8. I think I have to go with #5. Especially since you would have to “sop up” afterwards, which is, as you said to Colbert, what happens after saddlebacking. It is perhaps not the definition that makes the most sense (that would be #1), but it’s just too delicious to pass up on.

    And in spite of what a few other commenters have said, I’ve been refreshing the page all day *waiting* for this column. So some of your readers are quite happy with it.

  21. #5 … no competition that is too hilarious … brings me back to the days of high school life group followed by group make out sessions

    ah the life.

  23. I like 5, but this could be a temporary phenomenom, so the term would disappear from use.

    I vote for 6. In fact, it could be expanded to be:

    “Ejaculating on any part of a partner’s body except the face (see facial).”

  24. i would prefer saddlebacking not refer to something i’ve engaged in, so i must pass on voting for 7, even tho it makes some sense. i think 5 is therefore the best definition, because it’s so perfectly refs the absurd denial around sex that warren-type xtians seem to exhibit.

  28. #3 for me.

    5 is funny and all the first time you hear it but its more of a throwaway political statement than it is something with actual utility and will lose impact fast. 3 more properly soils the name of the church I think, and is an exotic enough move to get gossiped about and spread the word around, unlike 6 or 7.

  31. My head says 1, but my heart says 5…

    My only concern with 5 being adopted is that, unlike pegging, the people doing the actual saddlebacking would be very unlikely to call it that – it would be reserved for commentators outside the abstinence-only circles.

  33. Let me try dipping my pen in some digital ink and take a stab at this “saddle-backing” definition. I propose the following: when on person shits on the ass of another to create a “shit-saddle” lubrication then grids ass until orgasm is reached and ejaculation is mixed into the crap stained backside.

    – Congressional Right-wing And Pope

  36. number 5 definitely needs a word, but saddlebacking is kind of ugly… i think we should call it something like delayed hymenation?

  37. I vote for #3 only when used in this context: “I was saddlebacking my wife last now and now my dick smells like shit!”

    #5 is a close runner up but unless you combine two of the following it’s not offensive: cum, shit, abortion and violence.

  40. I have voted for number 6, as I think it is the most demeaning directly to Warren himself. It does not involve the type of saddle he’s accustomed to.

    I think number 6 is, in fact, a metaphorical representation of the actual church itself- a giant cum stain on the face of Orange County.

    Number 5, for all its popularity, seems to be a interesting application of barebacking, and doesn’t, as far as I can tell, incorporate the word “saddle” in any sense into the sex act.

    In that light, I chose not to vote for it.

    Then again, neither does “4” and i almost voted for it…

  45. I’m putting in my vote for #5 here. And since I play for both teams, do I represent two votes? please, 5 is perfect, the definition is common enough to be used in regular conversation, and it doesn’t seem like something anyone’s going to forget.

  46. I just sent in my email vote for #5. Deliciously perfect!

    And @ rhymeswithlibrarian, I disagree, I think the people doing it WILL eventually call it that because it’s so much less of a dirty sounding word than “Anal Sex”
    Just like the term “hooking up” is used so that people can feel better about their casual sex, “saddlebacking” will make those kids feel fantastic about butt sex! “Hey, what we’re doing MUST be ok… it’s named after the church even!!!”

  47. I can already imagine the bedroom stories…

    “The saddlebacking felt great, but then we were stuck cleaning up all that santorum.”

  51. What the hell?!?

    For the second week in a row Joe Newton’s column art inexplicably and (at least last week) unprecedentedly is better than Misako’s (over at the Onion), and all people want to talk about is rape and saddlebacking?

    Where are your priorities, people?!?

  55. How about a late entry: saddlebacking: taking a bunch of comments from the website and copy and pasting them together to make a column, while having butt sex.

  56. #5, all the way, though I really understand the logic of #1 but I think saddlebacking should be a little more negative (whereas sex with a condom is a good thing we should all do more of.)

  61. I think #5 if chosen would eventually be adopted by the Christian teens themselves, and the reference would further disassociate anal sex from actually being sex for them because they don’t know any better from being kept in the dark by abstinence only supporters. So I’m in favor of #6.

  64. I’m displayed to see all this support for #5. I absolutely agree with Karey that it’s something to give a chuckle when you first read it but how often will it get used?

    #3 is something that I’d love to have a term for and this word itself actually fits that definition a lot better.

  65. As someone who stumbled through adolescence and (early adulthood) believing that oral/anal sex were more forgivable than “real sex,” I say 5.

  70. 4. I suspect this term will be used often, as we speculate about the proclivities of various religious folks, ie, “That Rick Warren, I bet he hits the bars in D.C. next week – he’s a total saddlebacker.”

  73. NO question. “Number 5”: we get the dangerously misguiding religious advice leading to a forseeable backfire…(we do need a word to cover the Larry Craig effect though (aka “haggarting”); since there hasn’t been any allegations of this ilk over in Saddlbackia…Thanks!

  74. I liked #5 the best. It’s the most suiting and most offensive to Rick Warren. Oh, and #6.. isn’t that basically a superman? Or maybe it isn’t… A superman is when you jizz on a woman’s back and then put a sheet on it so it sticks… like superman.. so maybe not..

  79. #5, awesome because it sticks it to ’em twice over, mocks the name and points out just how out of touch with reality fundamentalist religious ideas about sexuality really are. This practice has got to be as old as the concept of preserving virginity for marriage.

  83. 4 AND 5!!
    I know this logic might be really twisted. But, I think there is a way to combine 4 & 5 with a hint at 2. Both 4 & 5 are about sex-phobes who pretend to be prim, proper and prudent while participating in anal sex out of institutionalized ignorance, submissive/masochistic tendencies, desire for approval, or other darker motives. I think saddleback should be either 4 AND 5. It could also metaphorically be used in regards to the inauguration! “President-elect Obama portrays Rick Warren’s participation at his inauguration as a sign of inclusivity, but everyone knows he is just saddlebacking.”

  85. 5 is hilarious!

    4 is also good and would be my second choice (but perhaps we can save that definition and use it for the name of the next gay bashing creep who makes the headlines)

  88. Dan is such a douche. His racist commentary of the Prop 8 situation was but one of the many cracks in liberal facade. Today was the final straw. Why is it that he gets to propagate this type of thing but when religious individuals have anything to say about homosexuality it’s the end of the world? He, by trying to inflict embarassment on these people, is guilty of the same thing he accuses them of, denying them an opinion or voice. Why don’t they get to feel how they feel?

  92. The best is number 6. Hopefully stupid abstinence education will disappear in our lifetimes, but cumming on your partner’s back will be around forever. We want this term to last.

  95. I like #3 because Christian heterosexuals saving themselves for marriage, polyamorous genderfuckers, happily married (soon) queers, furries and everyone else can all do it. Maybe after saddlebacking Heather all night, Bill will figure, heck, if that’s okay then maybe it’s okay to saddleback Ted, the handsome church youth group leader on the softball team, too.

  97. Whatever ends up being dubbed ‘saddlebacking’ (I like the dick-between-the-cheeks, personally), all these other things need terms, too! Especially the ‘everyhting but(t)’ religious ttens are so fond of. Round up the homophobic public figures and let’s play match up!

  103. 5- hands down. “Her ass was sore, although her virginity was intact, after they were saddlebackin’ it all night long.” I’m using it already!

  104. I know how much you’d like #5, Dan, and I agree. However, pretty quickly we need to find a name for #4. Too long, dicks like these have gone under the long name of “Hypocritical Gay-Bashing Christian Evangelists,” a name hardly befitting of the dickery they have committed. I propose the term “Haggardite,” but really, so long as it sounds cool, I’m fine with whatever.

    #5 it is.

  105. Saddlebacking (verb)-the old ‘bait n’ switch’.

    FICTXAMPLE:

    “Hey! Dan here!!!

    I just wanted to say hello, and thank you, to all you straight people who read, laughed and spread the word about me when I was doing this column to supplement my income. Now that I am nationally syndicated, I will instead be devoting the majority of the time railing for gay rights; however I will toss off the occasional ‘Freak-Fix’ column so you keep reading!

    Now; before I entice you with the honor of being the one who originates the meaning of a word that shall live in infamy and for all infinity, I would now like you to read my zero-tolerance, take no prisoners political rhetoric!

    Hi, my name is Dan and I am an Activist. Thanks for reading, what-has-now, become my glorified blog.
    Haters Hate! Hate Haters!

    P.S. Sorry to give you the “ol saddleback” but I’m sure I’ll see y’all again…

    NEXT WEEK: Beastiality-Dominatrix Dwarfs-Mentos!

  106. obviously five is gonna win but i’m shocked that after 100+ comments i don’t see anyone showing support for number two! if only for the amazing hilarity of the example sentence! i realize it wouldn’t be put to use often enough to really work, but come on people.. ‘I don’t know why Obama is letting Rick Warren saddleback him into presiding over his inauguration.’ ?? that’s effing brilliant!!!

  108. Peeps need to stop bitching about there only being one question and just appreciate the beauty and awesomeness that is Savage Love. Just because y’all want to get off on peoples kinky sex questions, and there weren’t any this week, doesn’t mean you have to get all mad at Mr. Savage.

  109. #5
    Though I’m sad I missed out on making a suggestion. I think “Saddlebacking” should be the name for narcissistic blog commenters who self righteously say controversial shit just to get the whole comment section riled up and denouncing them– then claim it is the people who are angry at them who are doing something wrong. Which seems very similar to Pastor Warren’s m.o.. It’s a common phenomenon that doesn’t seem to have an appropriate name.

  112. As an European reader, never heard of Rick Warren, but I’ve read he was very influential in right-wing circles. So preventing him from saying that “Obama is a devil”, and actually forcing him to endorse the President-elect by playing on his need for public attention seems good enough for me. You don’t want to end up with the white bigots starting another civil war, do you ? I don’t think that gay rights will be forgotten… but Rome wasn’t built in a day.
    By the way, 5 must win !

  113. 5 is awesome but a study showed that kids aren’t really having other forms of sex in lieu of vaginal to protect their virginity. See http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/i…

    And I LOVE 7, but if you guys are right about Warren having generally positive thoughts about sex-within-marriage, then maybe not (although who really wants his church named after a sex act). So all that’s really left is 4, which is perfect in so many ways. Warren “rails” about all kinds of things (and we know he’s in the craig-haggard club – just a matter of time); “saddleback church” is named after a mountain and “brokeback mountain” was a story about at least one closeted gay cowboy; saddles provide a barrier between the man and the animal, much as such men use their railings to provide a barrier between their perceived manhood and their real nature; that act really needs a name; I’m sure there are more reasons to support this one. I need to go vote!

  115. #4 ! Hypocrisy has a new name!

    “Allegations of Charlie Crist’s saddleback lifestyle have not yet been confirmed, but it’s only a matter of time…”

  117. I vote for 5. It gives a word for yet another thing I missed out on because when I was that age, it was hard enough for get a girl to give oral much less give up the backdoor

  125. 5 sounds the best to me. I actually knew a girl that considered having anal sex “perserving her virginity”. This ridiculous notion needs a name already.

  126. #5 works in so many ways. I love that it ties in “santorum”.

    Good work Dan. I predict that before your career is through you will have enriched the English language even more than Shakespeare.

  131. ‘Why don’t they get to feel how they feel?’

    Well, when they feel homosexuality is wrong, homosexuals are stripped of their human rights and hate crimes are ignored.

    When people go after Christians who are homophobic bigots (which is not all of them), it is with the intent to keep these Christians from putting their bigoted views into practice.

    So you’ve got one group that wants to be treated as human beings, and one that doesn’t want to treat them like human beings. Treating both the same does not add up. There was plenty of Christian support for slavery (and yes, plenty against), but I can’t imagine too many slaves thought they should remain subservient and subhuman lest they offend their masters.

  136. 5 sounds good but it won’t really get use since those people don’t read Savage Love. I think you should go for something that the actual perpetrators of Saddlebacking will use though 4 really appeals to me despite that.

    Personally I vote for 1.

  137. American Taliban indeed. You are just as bigoted and narrow-minded as those you love to rail against. Perhaps focus on the interpersonal and sex advice topics and lay off these mindless rants.

    I can’t understand how your advice is like 90% spot on, and your rants are so off. Oh well, your name is Savage, after all. Or is that comment not PC enough, since it may offend Savage-Americans regardless of their sexual identity?

  141. Saddleback 5!

    Since those “chastity” teens are so ridiculous, let us now oblige them by ridiculing them.

    I’ve heard that teenagers are easily embarrassed. Would that it were so!

  143. I’ve got to put my vote in for #1 because it is the most logical and I see it catching on into the widest possible group of people. #5 does come in a close second.

  147. (6) was the first that came to my mind. (1) makes sense but does not antagonize enough, also I agree with your comment.

    (5) is the winner though – that’s perfect LOL!

  149. 5 of course would allow you to get it into the same sentence as santorum.

    more inventive teens could possibly manage to peg at the same time, though that would probably, as an activity, be developing a life of its own unrelated to maintaining their virginity 😉

  152. Saddleback isn’t just the name of his church. It’s an entire city in California. Why not use his name and spare the residents guilt by association?

  158. Number 5, number 5, number 5. Absolute genius — and something that *needs* it’s own word, irrespective of Rick Warren’s bloated repulsiveness.

  161. Rick Warren isn’t a gay-hater. Get your facts straight (oops, no pun intended). He lives by the word of God. The word of God does not condone homosexuality.

    It’s Obama’s inauguration and he’s got no problem with Warren being there. Oh, and Obama’s a Christian, too.

    Get your knickers out of a knot, this inauguration is NOT about taking a stand on anything. Save it for a later date & venue. You dislike Rick Warren, then you must not care much for Obama or McCain, or whomever you voted for, cause they are all Christians.

  172. I like Definition 5 best. Ok as is, but I would suggest generalizing it to

    “anal sex performed under the delusion that it isn’t really sex”

    That encompasses the original proposed definition, expands it to include a lot of delusional hypocrisy, and gets away from the “just picking on Christians” thing.

    P.S. My wife and I will be at the Inauguration. Proper respose to Warren is something we discussed. Don’t think I have a rainbow Obama button but I’m sure we can come up with something in the right color scheme…

    If it didn’t take too many words I wanted to make a button that said “Be quiet while Rick Warren prays. He needs to hear God’s response.”

  176. number 5 hands down. number 4 is a close second.

    also, the word for definition number 6 is ‘back splash’. i thought that was obvious.

  184. I vote for number 5.

    And for the letter, I would be worried about trahing the engaged, progressive religious folk if there seemed to be more than 20 or 30 of you in the whole country.

  187. the act described in definition #6 is already known as ‘supermanning’ as referenced in that cultural bookmark of a song, souljah boy’s ‘crank dat’

    “Soulja Boy off in this hoe, watch me crank it, watch me eoll, watch me crank dat Soulja Boy, then Super Man Dat Ho“

    (when you’re doggy style, pull out, and cum on the back/ass. pretend to wipe it off, and when they wake up, thhe will have the bed sheets stuck to their back like superman’s little red cape!)

    xo

  188. I like 7 because “to fuck with a purpose” could also mean to have sex for money, power or some other non-enjoyment purpose. Examples: “Ralph hated his boss Beth, but he didn’t care if he had to saddleback her for that promotion.” “Marie wasn’t a sex trade worker, but to pay the rent the landlord could saddleback her once a month.”

  191. I really like #5 as well. And it is one that we can all work into casual conversations on a regular basis. “Did you head about those LDS kids saddlebacking it up?” “We all know that Warren’s kids must saddleback like crazy!”

    I see this term, simply because it refers to such a frequent phenomenon, spreading rather quickly.

  192. A problem with 5 is that we need to use the term for it to be in play… and i for one… well, i am not a saddlebacker… i’m a lesbian.. that disquualifies me, right?

    we will have to somehow get the brainwashed youths to get this word in play.

  194. It seems a shame that #5 doesn’t let non-virgins participate. I wish there was some definition that I could participate in.

    Can the word be used anytime the intent is to have anal sex b/c vaginal sex is off the menu? i.e. “My wife is on the dot this week, so we saddlebacked.”

  195. I am torn. But since you said “please,” and since I’ve talked to acquaintances who went to Christian high schools and they’ve verified the truth of it…number 5 it is. Saddlebacking = anal sex by Christian teens to preserve their technical virginity!

  196. I go with number 5, as it goes with Santorium…

    (Modifying the original suggestion)

    “After the Purity Ball, Missy and Paulie saddlebacked all night, because Missy wanted to “save herself” for marriage. You should have seen the Santorium all over the Lexus’ back seat!”

    I tried…

  197. 5 gets my vote, but it’s tinged with regret. Why didn’t we do this in Baptist Bible camp when I was a teenager? Why was I born 20 years too late? Why, sweet baby Jesus, am I still denied anal sex? I like being penetrated–I’m not asking for anything I wouldn’t do myself, I can be gentle and patient. Why, why, WHY, Lord, why can’t I have anal sex like born again teenagers?

  199. I have to disagree about protesting Rick being seen as anti-religious. My family member controls the money for a prominant protestant denomination and I can tell you with certainty: a lot of Christians are plenty mad at that mad. For one thing he tried to claim his penthouse under the federal parishoner allowance (intended for the good folks making less than 30k and often less than 20k), which gave the IRS the excuse they needed to suggest the removal of that exemption permanently. He forced the administrations of many denominations to spend outragious amounts of money treking to Washington to fight for their very-much-needed housing allowance. After causing this and many other crises for other Christians throughout the country (the majority) he has never once apologized. Rick Warren is no friend of the Christian community, and only the general good will of those being taken advantage of prevents a row. He is no symbol of Christianity. Obama’s selection of him is both confusing and very concerning.

  202. 5 is just too good. I think this should go just beyond smearing a right-wing sexphobic (and likely closeted) ideologue–this definition is a quick reference to the lunacy and wholesale failure of abstinence only eduation. 5, 5, 5!!

  207. Dan: Dunno if anyone else has pointed this out, but Saddleback doesn’t just refer to Warren’s church. Those of us down here in Orange County know Saddleback is the name of the region’s tallest mountain peak — you can see a pic of it at this link:

    http://www.saddleback.edu/athletics/Foot…

    Hmmm — kinda looks a bit like a saddle, no? Hence, the name. It’s attached to everything from Saddleback College to Saddleback Automotive to Saddleback Memorial Medical Center. Not just in OC, either. There’s a Saddleback Harley in Utah, a Saddleback Elementary School in Arizona, a Saddleback Ski Area in Maine, even a Saddleback Dental Centre in Alberta.

    Sorry, but as an attempted re-branding, Saddleback just ain’t no Santorum.

  212. While I think 5 is hilarious I am hopeful that we won’t need a word for that in the near future so I am throwing my support behind 6. I don’t want this term to EVER go out of use!

  213. I feel like a naive dork for being stunned to hear that some Christian teens believe that they can engage in unprotected anal sex and preserve their virginities. Holy crap indeed.

  222. 5: Because Britney had been saddlebacking, her new mother-in-law was able to hang the bloody nuptial sheet in the window with pride. In response, Britney’s ex-boyfriend hung a santorum-stained sheet in HIS window.

  228. I’d vote for Number 5.
    Also, for the original letter- the christian who wants to protest Warren, I suggest you use what is, in my opinion, the best way to piss off fundamentalists: Pray for them.
    Get a bunch of people together near the inauguration, and ask God to forgive Warren for his bigotry. Try and get some media there too. Let Warren knows that God loves him, despite his prejudice, and that you hope that with God’s help he can learn to respect and tolerate his gay fellow citizens, or, as Jesus put it, to ‘love his neighbours’…

  233. I proposed 7, and despite that I voted for 5.

    Had I had Anubis collaborate, I think 7 would have been a winner. For me, purpose-driven sex automatically meant sex for procreation. But his expansion to any sex not for pleasure is brilliant. It makes “saddlebacking” a fantastic term for all that range of instances of purpose-driven sex: to get the dude to stop hassling you for sex, to get a promotion, to be a sex worker. We’d have three big categories of sex: rape, saddlebacking, and sex.

    Now for a defense of 7 as I defined it: having a term for “purpose-driven sex” automatically redefines “sex” as sex for fun. Normal sex is sex for mutual pleasure, and it’s that procreation sex that is the exception. It’s a perfect fit for pro-gay argument against the claim that “marriage is between a man and woman because marriage is about procreation”.

  236. “The language of love” lyric from “Who’s that girl” is repeating over and over in my head all of the sudden. Number 5 is great because it brings attention to the problems with abstinence only education, so it gets my vote.

  237. Poster Trey wrote: “The word of God does not condone homosexuality.”

    You dislike Rick Warren, then you must not care much for Obama or McCain, or whomever you voted for, cause they are all Christians.”

    If you take the Bible as the word of God, then yes, the Bible does not condone homosexuality. But God keeps making homosexuals, and actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

    Disagreeing with Warren’s social stances does not mean that you hate all Christians, that is just absurd. It doesn’t even mean that you hate Warren personally, it just means you don’t like his stance on social issues.

    And yes, it’s Obama’s party and he can celebrate how he wants, but he should be wary about offending too many of the people who loyally supported him.

  240. Maybe poster Johnny Haiku’s prayer group could use Jesus’ line about getting the log out of your own eye before you complain about the speck in your neighbor’s eye. Oh, or the one where he tells his followers not to be like the hypocrites who pray loudly in the marketplace. The list goes on…

    To the folks who objected to Dan’s taking only one, non-pervy question this week–the podcast this week made up for it.

    I can’t pick a usage but I promise to try and work whatever wins into normal-heh-converstion.

  243. Can’t gay peoople’s protests be represented by more than sex acts? How very adolescent. Dan, sometimes I think your mental development stopped at 15 years old.

  247. 5 is the best of the lot, 7 was OK too, but I doubt either will catch on. Those words would mostly be used in Fundy contexts by sexually actuve christians (typical protestant sluts), who will never adopt the terms.

  250. Number 5 is the bestQ My friend and his christian girlfriend did this in high school, but he stayed a “virgin” into his 20s. It is such a funny idea. Jesus doesn’t want you to put a penis in your vagina before marriage, he would prefer that you stay pure and clean and only put the penis in your butt. That dirty Jesus has a kink I think.

  251. “butt cheek” sex, like tit-fucking, already has a ton of names associated with. I just discovered them this week, in fact, during some totally inappropriate internet browsing. Some of these are:

    Rearjerk, hotdogging, and buzuri (the Japanese description, I guess).

  253. absolutely #5. I grew up in the church and I know plenty of those people. They’re self-righteous about their virginity, but they’re some of the biggest sluts I’ve ever met. No joke.
    The girls are tragic characters because they think they need to somehow put out or the guys they’re ‘pledged’ to will lose interest so they demean themselves with all sort of sexual craziness that they may or may not actually enjoy.
    And the boyfriends are comic characters because their girlfriends will do CRAZY kinky shit that nobody else in high school (that I knew of) was doing, and they dont know how lucky they have it, except for the lack of vaginal intercourse, which they put on such a pedestal, I can only assume they’re a little disappointed when they finally get it.

  254. um, no place special- i have read every single savage love and Dan does things like this all the time. if you don’t like his style then go away- Dear Prudie gives away advice every week on Slate!

  255. I’m a little late to the game in submitting nominations for what to name saddlebacking. I can tell you what saddlebacking means to me. Saddleback is an action that creates in me and other gay people that feeling of injury and anger. It makes me just want to rise up and say ‘Stop f–king saddlebacking me!’ Clinton did it. We spent the last 8 years being saddlebacked on a daily basis. Obama did it when he chose the Rev. Warren. Every person who voted for and supported Prop 8 saddlebacked me. When I saw “Milk” I saw that they were being saddlebacked and that saddlebacking was viewed as an ok thing in society. Well no more! Now that we have a name for it we can demand that it stop! To all who wish to saddleback me, just pack up your saddlebacking ways and go home!

  260. Unfortunately 5 *is* brilliant and I can hear it now. “Of course not girl, I ain’t letting him get the goodies till we get engaged, but when he’s really horny, we do some saddlebacking… I gotta keep him hooked on the line to reel him in, ya know?” But I’m going to vote for #2 – we really do need a descriptive-slang word for that kind of coercion.

  270. Hm, I voted before I read the comments. Looks like it’s gonna be 5, eh?
    I guess this definition is like the “half a virgin” comment in Mean Girls.

  274. I know it’s late to add a new suggested definition, but it just hit us. Does anyone watch Boomerang on tv? They have these little in-between bits showing wind-up toys walking, joined together, one behind the other. Like Magilla Gorilla and his owner. As if they were joined at the groin and still up and shuffling along.

    Sounds like saddlebacking to me!

  275. I think #4 is the best for pissing off Rick Warren and his type of people. It’s true that a Larry Craig doesn’t happen that often, but it would be fun to accuse people of being saddlebackers when they act like Rick Warren.

  278. Hmm, hard to choose between 1 and 5…1 is just so logical, but I agree that “sex” ought to include condoms without a qualifier.

    5 it is.

  279. 5, for sure –

    and to the poster was up at the top who said that religious teenagers having buttsex because it’s not “real sex” is a passing phenomenon, i couldn’t disagree with you more! the catholics have been doing it for fuck knows how long, and they will forever more.

  284. I don’t believe that in the many years I have weekly looked forward to my dose of “Savage Love” I have ever been as disappointed with such a total waste of space. The reality is, no matter how much we dislike the choice of Rick Warren, the decision has been made, the invocation is going to happen and remarkably enough life will go on. Warren is getting more attention for his selection than he deserves and he’s such a fame pig that he’s totally wallowing in this attention. I say let it go – that will greatly disappoint him and his followers who are all hoping for yet another reason to single us out for their bigotry and hatred. Pick your battles carefully, save your strength for winning the war.

  286. Please noooooooo. There are a lot of people living in the Saddleback Valley, and in the Santa Ana Mountains (sometimes referred to as the Saddleback mountains), who would really rather not be connected with that church. The church is a relative newcomer.

  292. Okay. Call me crazy but it’s looking like #5. Great. Thanks for playing. Chris M hit the nail on the head: Can we move on and let Rick Warren go back to his church now? I’m hoping next week’s column is back on track.

  299. I agree that No. 5 does have cachet. However, In the interest of maximizing saddleback‘s chances of widespread adoption, it seems No. 3 is the best choice. Please consider this reasoning:

    The term santorum succeeded because of it simplicity and usefulness: It is straightforward and merely descriptive.

    While No. 5 is very good descriptively, doesn’t it also carry with it a moral/political argument? The argument itself is valid–abstinence-only education is bunk, and places young people unnecessarily at risk. On the other hand, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with buttsex, done in a safe, sane, consensual–and informed–manner. This is all too complicated for one simple verb to handle. Forcing saddleback to do double-duty as a political argument and a descriptive term dilutes its impact.

    On the other hand, No. 3 is straightforward and uncomplicated; it merely describes the act of interbuttockular frottage.

    And No. 3 is not devoid of subtle political relevance: The man who submitted it describes the act as a “compromise”–which is apt, considering Obama’s apparent willingness to compromise with homophobic nutwing Evangelicals.

  301. have to go with #5.
    and consider that it too is fucking with a purpose,and one in keeping with the metaphor of a saddle.the saddle doesn’t keep the horse from being ridden or from either the horse or rider being sore afterwards.absolutely saddlebacking is having sex-usually butt sex-with the pretense/misguided purpose of preserving virginity.

  302. Sorry, I know it’s too late, but I really think the definition for saddlebacking should be “the act of farting during or after, and as a result of anal intercourse”.

  305. 5 with the expanded definition of either 1) hetro anal sex or 2) teen anal sex. such as practiced by christian teens to preserve vaginal virginity.

  307. About the spotting:

    Dan Savage is not often a bit clueless, but he was here. But I guess it´s fair enough as you are dealing with intimate bits of female anatomy.

    If the lady did not have a problem with spotting before the pill, then the problem now is caused by the pill.

    In this case, she needs to try using different kinds of pills. It can be the 10th kind that is good for her. If she has no spotting and regular periods without the pill (so no other reason to be on the pill but birth-control), she should also consider some of the other methods of birth-control like the vaginal ring or even the coil.

    This lady should do some more research, and go to a doctor who is more interested in solving her problem. It should be pretty easily solvable.

  308. totally agree with kni

    Saddleback: 2 the best and one that needs a name, and the more biting of the options:

    (2) “Saddleback (verb): to submit someone to any kind of humiliating, unreciprocal sex act, either literally or metaphorically, consented to by passive partner due to submissive/masochistic tendencies, desire for approval, or other darker motive.

    Not sure I understand the 5 love: 5 is just ‘cute’ because it religion-bashes and can be combined with one other Savage(tm)Word, but the act does indeed already have a name. plus there are a dozen more humorous, and more likely to be used, names for 5’s silly misguided act

  317. I can’t believe there’s hardly any support for 6. I want a term I can use myself, dammit. how often do you talk about “abstinent” teens? now how often do you come on someones back/have your back comed on?

    6 for the future!

  319. Dan, I must disagree with your anti-Rick Warren crusade. I believe Barack made a wise choice in this, and no I’m not a born again evangelical gay basher (I am an atheist, pagan, heathen). I believe gays should have the right to marry and all the other accompanying civil rights. The last thing this country needs is a mirror image of Bush- that is a left side idealogue who makes an enemies list of all who disagree with their ideology and shuns them (“you’re either with us or against us”). That way leads only down. Barack understands this and is interested in moving forward and bringing as many Americans with him as he can. This can be so powerful. Think about the effect this decision has on Rick Warren and all his followers. I gaurantee you it is even now stirring up some great discussion and disention in the religious community. This is how we move forward. Patrick Stewart

  325. Yeah, 5 is pretty good. Not as good as Santorum though. As much as #5 needs a word, the image of a saddle has no connection to this meaning. And now that Dan Savage has put this competition out there, he’s going to be stuck with the task of standing behind it.

    But then, it’s probably going to grow on me, and soon enough I won’t even notice that this term has word ‘saddle’ in it.

  328. So what is a Jew who decides to have anal sex to preserve her virginity? But… in light that we absolutely unequivocally are upset with Obama’s choice of invocation meanderings… vote for cinco (5)!

  330. I vote for #5, except that it needn’t be unprotected by definition. Any anal sex, with or without condoms, is acceptable to protect the virginity of Christian teens.

  333. Definitely 5. A friend of mine said all her catholic girlfriends did this in high school. Perfect. Bristol Palin’s baby daddy is probably wishing he had saddlebacked.

  337. I like both #4 and #5. I propose adopting #5 as a ‘saddlebacking’ definition and holding another contest to name #4. Because I think the term (whatever it is)is increasingly necessary. In fact, this kind of hypocracy has become so common, I am beginning to think there is a god after all.

  340. I definitely vote for #5 it is the perfect definition given the context under which this contest is based 🙂

    Preservation of a woman’s virginity is paramount people, PARAMOUNT….oh, right and so is keeping the virginity of a guy, too…. yea…. that one is truly stressed 🙂

  341. Number 5, as I know some people who’ve outgrown conservative parents from hell and conservative religious upbringing, and some of them actually did do this!!!! Unprotected anal sex in order to preserve one’s “christian virginity” is something that actually happens.

  343. I vote #5. It’s not as perfect a fit for the word as #1, but it’s infinitely more appropriate for the person. Lets pin that bastard for something his pseudotheology actually encourages. To quote someone-or-other’s holy book- “by their fruits you will know them”.

  345. 5! Young Christians made hypocritical by their enforced ignorance needs a word.

    Of course, we used to say “Queer” for ANYTHING at all that was NOT procreative sex, but people didn’t like that because then 90% of people would be queer, no? 😉

  347. Number five, no contest! Also, because I don’t have a crippling short memory, I was able to remember the good advice you gave at the start of the column by the time I got to the end of it. You make a very good point: we need to give voice to our displeasure in a way that is unlikely to be misconstrued as something it’s not, so we don’t end up shooting ourselves in the foot.

    Hooray for paying attention!

  351. My vote is for 5.

    Also, as was brought up in the santorum debate, a healthy person wouldn’t want anything fun or loving to be considered saddlebacking. To my mind, that eliminates definitions 1, 3, and 6. I want to adopt whatever definition is ultimately chosen into my vocabulary, but I love and respect my wife too much to saddleback her.

    Definition 5 does not describe an action practiced by healthy (or rational) people, so it’s fair game. And really funny.

  352. Number 2 has a real “keeper” ring to it. Like “You saddlebacking bullies! Just leave us alone!” Or “he saddlebacked him into submission for Jesus! Hallelujah!”

  353. definitely 3. this is a position used by many straight couples for many reasons: yeast infections, post-birth sex, herpes outbreak by receiving partner (though this could be on the edge of safe). I especially like the compromise formation element. best to make it specific to the face down position. it’s dirtier that way. also good is that it involves potentially uncleaned ass and ejaculate going somewhere that requires cleaning before it becomes crusty. of course the phenomena of crusty ejaculate stuck on someone’s back could also be a good candidate for saddleback.

  356. oops. I clearly don’t know how to vote properly. so here goes again.

    saddleback5
    saddleback1

    (I really am torn between the two – I like them both! But I agree with Dan’s reasoning about #1)

  362. Number 5 for sure. It’s enough to horrify any self-respecting religious nut job to support sex ed.

    Incidentally, the psychoanalytic term for #4, “reaction formation,” could be given a punny twist… I dunno, “Erection falsification?”

  363. #5 is great but I would change the term to Bible Thumping or Bible Bumping instead. Saddleback does not have the proper Fundamental Christian sound.

  364. 5 – if for no other reason than if we go with this definition, saddlebacking is an activity likely to produce that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter …

    ‘After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she’s saving herself for marriage. Then Heather had to sneak her bedsheets to the laundromat before her mom spotted the santorum.’

  365. As a placidly happy kinky married woman who woke up from Christian stupidities about sex, I vote for #5. Has to be #5. I will now use it a lot.

  375. I think that #1 makes the most sense and will get the most usage! How often are we really going to be referring to anal sex between abstinance seekers? Just doesnt seem to come up much these days.

  378. My vote is for 5, but without restricting it to christian teens.

    As written above it contains an implicit knock on the intelligence of christian teens, and it also obscures the fact that abstinence-only sex ed is happening in public schools and failing teens of all belief systems.

    Lots of girls I grew up with, christian and not, were reserving their virginity for one thing or the other (fortunately our sex ed was comprehensive).

  379. I like 4 the best. Why bring teens into it with 5. Just point out that the most vocal oppenents seem to be the people in the closet.

  384. I know it is late, but the appropriate protest, the one even those in the military and in uniform can use is a black armband worn from Noon -3PM.

  401. #5 is a winner! I wish someone had told me about Saddlebacking while I was at Catholic School. All we ever did was dry hump until we shot in our pants – try explaining that stain to Sister Felicitas.

  407. i love this post!

    i vote #3. i really like #5 aswell, as a definition and poking fun at the dimwitted christian youths that don’t consider anal as sex. however i like it when words are suggestive of their meaning – i think ass-fuckery frottage makes sense in this way, because it’s like you’re saddling up a cock/dildo with an ass.

  408. I’m going for 5. It’s a problem that needs an embarrassing fucking name. Idiot kids not being educated by their idiot parents and thus get STDs.

  410. If only because I want the term to get a lot of use (and I like the idea of a the word being used to refer to safe and healthy sex that abstinence only morons discourage) I like #1.

  413. 4 and 5 are both genius.

    1. While it IS the most logical one, it doesn’t have enough ‘punch’ to it, the way ‘santorum’ does.

    2. This inauguration issue will soon fade from the public mind, while stupid teens and hypocritical politicians are here to stay.

    3. I wouldn’t want to ‘saddleback’ anyone I loved.

    6. See #3

    7. Too contrived, and possibly attractive to the people in question.

  417. VOTE 7. As a breeder, I would love a different word to suggest that my wife and I are fucking to reproduce. “Trying” is too wimpy a word and suggests flaccidness which would be contraindicated. VOTE 7.

  419. It’s gotta be #4!
    “The frothy mix of self-loathing and shit-talking that is often the byproduct of being a religious closet case”.
    Er.
    Seriously, though, this is the root of the most destructive homophobia that exists in this country. Whether it is a respected religious leader working to take away rights, or an insecure asshole that beats up a gay person, it warrants more attention.
    If Warren is actually gay, maybe he’s been maturely delaying gratification of these urges his whole life. I don’t think that would make him any less of a hypocrite. He’s already shown himself to be a bigot, and a destructive one at that. He should be linked to public hypocrites because he behaves like one, and his anti-gay religious message is helping to create more of them.
    The miserable saddlebacker.

  433. #5, definitely.

    But I must also object to your comment on #3 – I’m a woman, and when I fuck men with my strap-on, it’s *sex*, not just rubbing off.

  434. No. 5. Absolutely. Clear, to the point, and *appropriate*. And just to add to the gall, I can utterly imagine the teens in question adopting the term, if it’s carefully seeded.

  439. saddleback: 5

    christian teens!

    the other contender is good, but not enough of an anomaly to come up in conversation very often – why would you mention the guy who wanted the opposite of barebacking? The douchebag who wants to bareback is much more of a conversation-causer.

  443. I’d like to add another definition for “saddlebacking”. Using DP or double penetration is too unwieldy or puzzling to some, so why not “saddlebacking” to describe this practice?

  444. I got bounced by your email address.

    #1. I’ll go with this as the most logical… but I believe you CAN rename a sex act as you see fit. After
    all, look at the name churn in America’s sports stadiums. Nothing is sacred.

    Come to think of it, Monster.com should have spent its money on having a sex act renamed for the company. It
    would have sounded less silly than a ball park.

  448. O crap, I forgot to case my ballot. Gotta go with #5. That is classic and I could totally see those Christian gals using their ars to save their vag.

  449. As for the attempted rebranding of the name “Saddleback” and “Santorum”, evangelical Christians would be wise to ignore it (with the possible notable exception of Rick Santorum). If gay groups have the audacity to co-opt even a symbol of God’s promise to humanity (in the view of Christians), a rainbow, certainly trying to abuse a church’s or person’s name is par for the course. Though it is mildly surprising that the community would attempt to generate more fuel to feed stereotypes and derogatory comments. Perhaps it should even be viewed as an honour. You know, “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.” (Matt. 5:10-11), kind of thing.

  451. It’s too bad the first choice wasn’t the one taken. It makes sense, and would likely get a lot of use, unlike “defauxnitions” like “santorum”.

    Saddlebacking (as opposed to barebacking) makes more sense. In an ideal world, we wouldn’t need to bother with condoms, but unfortunately, it’s still a better world than ours where “sex” carries an automatic and implied “with a condom”. As a synonym for “barebacking (to save virginity)”, it’s almost as weak as a synonym for “to procreate” (or, if you prefer, “to procreate (and eradicate virginity)” )

    Saddlebacking (as protected anal sex) is enhanced by the whole macho Cowboy image, making the whole thing sound more appealing than the alternative. After all, a nude guy with a saddle still looks like a cowboy, but a named guy ready to ride bareback is just a naked guy. Isn’t anything that gets people thinking (and talking) about using condoms a good thing?

    As a shorthand for “anal sex (with a condom like every good cowbou shoud do it)” it likely has the legs to carry it into common usage fast enough to make that PILF wonder why he didn’t choose another, less suggestive name, like the “Brokeback Congregation”.

    Now, if anyone has some photos of Mr. Warren in a speedo… (or better still, not in a speedo…)

  453. 1) too literal
    2)too broad a category, might as well be called “fucking”
    3)my info bitch told me this is called hot dogging. It ruined her marriage and contained the humiliating elements of 2)
    4) needs to have some reference to it happening in the barn, like “slopping”
    6)why would anyone do this? why miss out on the memories you’ll enjoy later if you just take it all the way? Doesn’t deserve a cool term like this. Reminds me of a t-shirt I saw at coachella: “spitters are quitters.”
    7) Maybe warren’s purpose is to do more pig slopping in the barn.
    I vote for 5.

  454. And in response to Press Play, straight girls like me (and their men) might not want to be stuck in the same category as hypocritical uneducated health risk-taking kids who are too stupid to just stick a condom on it, do it and lie about it (to themselves and others) like we did in catholic school. #5, no amendments.

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