Columns Mar 25, 1999 at 4:00 am

How'd That Happen?!


This is how I figured out the math. The guy was 100% straight when he decided to go to a massage parlor, and discovered the parlor did not have a masseuse, but only a masseur. He was 105% straight when he decided to use the masseur anyway. He was 110% straight when the masseur "misinterpreted" his desire and gave him a snarling gnarling. He was 150% straight when he did not attempt to stop the snarling because of the thumb stuck up his bomb bays. Finally, he became 200% straight when he was so shocked and what happened that he decided to keep going back to that same masseur specifically for the snarling gnarling.

Now if only he would run for President on a platform demonizing homosexuality, he would become 1000% straight.

Please wait...

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