TIDBIT ROUND-UP
GOSH! I’ve been so busy with that damn Q13 news team lately,
I’ve left the REAL celebrities flapping in the breeze! This gossip ain’t
gettin’ any fresher, so let’s get busy!
FIRST OF ALL, I’m told queen bitch Martha Stewart has been house-hunting out here, but as expected, nothing’s perfect enough for her majesty!
Of course, this could be a lie… but in real-estate rumors, I’m one
for one, baby!! Remember my now-famous Kenny G scoop? You don’t.
Oh. Well, screw you.
HIPSTER HUMOR: Okay, so this scenester—of impeccable scenester credentials, mind you—goes into a tattoo shop, spots an oddly
mystical design, and requests a tattoo. Painful hours and many dollars
later, he leaves satisfied. It isn’t until days later that he learns his
latest tat is none other than… THE LOGO OF THE MARINERS BASEBALL
TEAM! Hardy-har-har!! (True story!)
WHO’S HANGING OUT? Mopey Elliott Smith and gf, walking in
Fremont, in (awwww!) matching stocking caps! Later, Elliott Smith’s
drinking a beer at the Breakroom, SAME STOCKING CAP, and (here’s
a shock) moping. • • • At the Green Lake Starbucks, who’s
sippin’ on a Frappuccino but our old pal Irene McGee, the
un-starstruck gal who ditched Real World—Seattle. My informant,
Jon, said she looked like she’d been eating “one too many donuts”!
• • • At the Seattle magazine “Hot Singles”
party at Tini Bigs: Bill Nye the Science Guy, dressed nattily in a black-tie
tux, diggin’ for gold in his left ear. He scratched it for at least
a good minute—what, has he got some kind of science experiment growing
in there? And okay, I have to say it: You can dress him up, but you can’t
take him out. • • • Boy, do people ever not like Symphony
maestro Gerard “Shovey Mc” Schwarz! Apparently at work he’s
an absolute “tyrant”! One anonymous insider said, “He
will threaten, scream belittle, accuse, and just plain bully his musicians.
…He seems to enjoy working in an atmosphere of fear. …What
you saw in Thriftway was just a glimmer of this sadistic human being’s
nature.” Brrrrrrr!!
LOVELINE’S Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla spoke at UW, in a dismal room
packed with hormone-oozing 20-year-olds, Fri Feb 12. I admit Adam tickled
my funnybone —okay, he was hilarious—but their road show screeched
to a halt when an audience member asked about cock rings… AND
THESE SO-CALLED SEX EXPERTS DIDN’T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT THEM!! I
mean, even I could have answered his simple question, and I don’t even
have a cock! Attached to my body, I mean. Don’t any of those frat boys
read Savage Love? Anyway, things slid downhill with their insipid “Gay
Aptitude Test” from their new book. The show ended with a thud when
Adam (at Drew’s request) imitated a fat little Russian kid trying to gangsta
rap, urging “Slap that bitch!” Dr. Drew’s too much
of a pussy to tell Adam where to get off. That’s what Diane Farr’s
for.
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: A couple weeks back a Cap Hill gal heard a knock
on her door—and who was on her doorstep, but the band Sycophant!
No, she’d never ever met them before—turns out they found her wallet (credit cards, ID, $$) in the parking lot of the Queen Anne Larry’s Market.
When she offered them reward $$, the boys said, “We simply couldn’t!”—but
humbly asked her to spread the word about their show—this Fri, Feb 19
at the Tractor Tavern. (BTW… they’re not just heroes, they’re
a tip-top band!)
God bless Sycophant. shirley@thestranger.com