Aw, nothing about the "Ballet of the Chestnuts?" I'm disappointed.
Also, Boniface's tantrums via Papal Bull are some of the most hilariously childish things in all of Papal history.
Actually, "dad" is "papá" and Pope is "Papa" in Spanish. And "potato" is also "papa"! But Pope is a masculine noun and potato is a feminine noun; hence, "el Papa" for the pope and "la papa" for the potatoes.
You did a total disservice to Pope Lando there, Lindy. It's well-documented that he was forced to betray his buddy to protect the people of Cloud Vatican City.
Glad to not make the list! I'm the one true Pope and am available for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. I can also a Mohel and would be glad to work on your little boy a bit. Also available for pediatric prostate exams. Ha! just kdding! Haven't done a wedding in years.
So funny! Also, now I'm reading Wikipedia, it's scary how little you made up...
I love all of these stories of popes killing other popes to be pope. And that crazy Satan-toasting pope was only 18! How do you get to become a satanic pope at 18? I mean, really. So awesome.
Also, the more I write pope, the funnier the word seems. Pope, pope, pope.
that was mean. I'm a Catholic and I love Pope Benedict. I'll be anxiously awaiting you piece next week about how Mohammed was a pervert... oh, sorry... I doubt that will be published because you're probably too much of a pussy to take on the Muslims, but it's okay to bash what is sacred to us Catholics. What a double standard piece of shit the Stranger is. Maybe you could tell me to "lighten up" and "it's just a joke", but jokes are only funny if you're not the butt of them.
@pro, it's not a joke. These popes over the years have wreaked havoc on the people who have trusted them, have been pronouncing bullshit, have been torturing heretics who believed that the earth orbited the sun, stifling free thinking, trashing other religions, acquiring wealth at the expense of poor people, and condoning exploitation of youngsters, not to mention insulting the women of the world to this day. It's not the Stranger that is a duplicitous piece of shit. It's the Holy Father, Pro. You should look into Allah or one of those other dudes who might offer you 72 Virgins for your trouble, and hose off the Pope.
hilarious (and factually correct!) article, but a "worst popes ever" list is kinda like a "worst dictators ever" or "worst natural disasters in third world countries" list--not making the list doesn't really absolve it of blame...
Ho hum. With all the real papal action in the world, why did you feel you had to make up lame stuff? Where are the anti-popes? The female pope? The pope who was found dead with a red-hot poker in his bum???
@24: Pro, are you also an unmarried and childless virgin?
I'm neither Catholic (THANK GOD!!!!) nor of Muslim faith, and although I agree that it sucks to get bashed, the Catholic Church has been openly corrupt since the dawn of Time.
Just because something might be considered sacred doesn't necessarily mean it's right.
Alright! Everyone quit ganging up on Pro. There is plenty of room in our fair city for dissenting opinions...Room for everyone except that bitch Chelsea...Fuck her!
hello seattle only weekly
nice to see that history is good press. anyway, i must object the authors'
interpretation of the origin of the words pope and father
the word pope comes to us in english from the latin 'papa' which comes to us from the greek, pappas-
please understand that in spanish, portuguese, and italian (not sure about french or romanian and i want to forget anything greek related)
the word for the pope is 'papa' but the word for 'pope' is normally is stressed on the first syllable
while papa (daddy) is stressed on the second. this is pretty much a linguistic truism-
i can say this with a whole heart because
i am a native spanish/portuguese speaker, and speak fluent italian and english.
noe while i agree that there is no doubt a very heavy handed patriarchical history in the
catholic, orthodox and the other christian religions-
and have always been partial to the credo about hanging noblemen with the entrails of the clergy.......
in effect your last comment is completely wrong -
in spanish (and in the other latin languages)
the two words (pope and father)
1. do not mean the same thing
2. are not used the same way
3. in some cases they are in fact even written differently
more importantly, no native speaker of spanish, or any other romance language would ever mistake the two words, no matter the common root.
you can poke as much fun at the 'pope' as much as you like- i won't bother with that.
but language is culture. and i dont want my culture trashed
yes- papa is used in parts of latin america (mine) as the word for potatoe- but since it is not universal in latin i chose not to include it in my comment on the article.
actually, it is pronounced like 'papa as in pope'
with the accent on the first syllable
as opposed to papa as in father
this is a very specific term, and limited to certain parts of latin america only.
in other words it can't be said to be a value as far as latin languages go- not even spanish in its 24 forms.
but hey, lets give one to the author:
lets change that last line to:
in certain parts of latin america, the word for potatoe and the word for pope are written and pronounced identically.
and yet they might just be the same thing!
MY COMMENTS?
WHO COULD COMMENT BETTER THAN THIS COMMENTATOR?
MAYBE A COMMON TATOR?
IN MY LIFE...I HAVE NEVER...
COMMENTED LIKE THIS.
PLEASE, KEEP COMMENTING.
LESTER COLODNY
MY COMMENTS?
WHO COULD COMMENT BETTER THAN THIS COMMENTATOR?
MAYBE A COMMON TATOR?
IN MY LIFE...I HAVE NEVER...
COMMENTED LIKE THIS.
PLEASE, KEEP COMMENTING.
LESTER COLODNY
Paul deserves much more blame than Peter. You should have included him; even though he wasn't a pope, the Catholic Church was basically his creation. But why quibble, you have written a monument...this penetrating and erudite historyy will without doubt replace the Catholic Encyclopedia as the final word on the Church.
I will hold in my laughter until next week when you poke some holes in the hypocritical pretensions of the protastant reformers like that wicked Martin Luther and that twit Calvin (and give John Wesley a kick for good measure). The Catholic Church isn't the sole reason why it sucks to be gay.
Hey, On-The-Lake-
Quit taking yourself so seriously, or get off Slog...
Too funny, Lindy West! If I wasn't a queer, I'd want to marry you! I haven't laughed so hard since the SITC2 review!
People wondering how a Devil-toasting priest can at age 18 become pope: the pope used to be appointed by the Emperor and then the Holy Roman Emperor. It wasn't until later that this whole thing of having cardinals pick the pope came about.
Usually I really enjoy reading The Stranger's articles about silly frivolous things, but articles like this do nothing to improve relations between Catholics and non-Catholics. The article has several errors, makes a mockery of the Papacy by inventing new popes to mock and is extremely offensive overall. You'd be hard pressed to find a Catholic who excuses the horrible things that have happened to children (if such a Catholic even exists), but such a mean-spirited, over-the-top attack is unnecessary and not journalism. I (and other Catholics) fully support investigating the scandal and bringing things to the public relevant to it, but this doesn't do either, it's just mean.
Lindy West, your writing is prostituted by your vulgar "anal" use of words, which to me is as offensive as the anal actions of some perverted human beings. You could improve your use of words by reading articles by San Francisco columnist/author Mark Morford.
to the author:
the words for father and pope are not the same in spanish.
this is a fact.
you have not done your research correctly and have sadly been misinformed.
another fact.
here comes an opinion:
please try and not insult someone else's language by
pretending you comprehend it. or repeating someone else's miscomprehension
hey #55 OutInBumF:
as far as your little ultimatum goes:
i'm not on facebook, twitter, classmates or myspace or whatever.
i don't take myself seriously at all. not enough at least.
but i think, and spea my mind
which is what i think bothers you
as far as me getting off slog:
are you a moderator? an administrator?
do you somehow maintain this website?
no, you are not. no, you don't.
i think i have just as much a right to comment here as you do.
on top i think you are an asshole.
i have read a lot of nazi style shit here on the strangers website-
but it would have never occured to me to say to someone:
CHANGE OR LEAVE
#55 OutInBumF you really have lost all critical perspective
Yet, you obvious biased, fail to mention the good and decent Popes there have been. Not to mention that most true Catholics are God fearing. Not that you could uderstand what "God fearing" means. Thanks for reminding me why I do NOT waste my time with a wanna be real newspaper like this. Actually, I hear it makes pretty good toilet paper.
How Innocent IV make this list, and my man Innocent III not!?!? Who else could have called for a Holy Crusade against Christians?
Goddamn East Coast bias
"Pope" DOES come from the greek for father, pappas. spanish and the "romance" languages are not the only ones out there, guys. do a little research (errr the dictionary) before fingering lindy's mistake.
This article was really disappointing. I read the SATC2 review and was prepared for something original, funny, I don't know...not this. Plus saying something is factual, and then seeing how little of it is factual (and certainly not placed in context) was also disappointing.
Lindy, you're fucking awesome. Seriously, could you write a book or something, or do stand up? between this and the SATC2 review i've become maybe your #8 fan or something.
your sense of humor is kick-ass, keep up the good work. hell i'm not even in Seattle anymore and i'm still reading this shit 'cause it's great. and it's free.
Being Pope is a dirty job, but someone simply must do it.
Try and remember that the Roman Catholic church is just a continuation of the Roman Empire.
Julius Caesar once served as Pontifex Maximus and now it's simply Benny's (formerly of the Hitler Jugend)turn. You get all of Rome's glory, philosopies, perversions, excesses, etc. along with a great deal of their ancient ceremonies, but with presumably better music. Such a deal. The Eastern Churches merely continue the Byzantine Empire, so with all their ancient wonderfulness, they are much more relaxed about sex, including gay sex.
It's my theory that hip young sophisticates are a little bit ashamed of the western Christianity of which we are all a part against our will. Sort of like having a dirty old mom who turns tricks for beer money and you don't want the country club committee to find out.
But face it, we live in Christendom and we are all children of Western Christian Civilization, whether Jew or Gentile, Atheist, or Agnostic (so quaint). The other choice is the world of Islam, in which I understand pederasty (and similar acts with underage animals) is not exactly unknown. Unfortunately, on your way to join up with their brand of wackiness, keep in mind that they are strapping on the dynamite to blow our chic alors western asses to their Kingdom Come, where we serve them as their slaves for all eternity. Sweet!
So instead of picking on poor old Benny, wish him well in his quest to end the present plaque of boy-buggery and get the Roman clergy back to more socially acceptable sins. Also try and remember that the Roman Catholic Church was apparently hiring gays when precious few other organizations would.
Pretty sure this wasn't meant to "improve relations between Catholics and non-Catholics". How any moral person can remain Catholic these days in beyond me. Remember--your money is going to an organization that knowingly shelters pedophiles and still refuses to bring them to justice.
"You'd be hard pressed to find a Catholic who excuses the horrible things that have happened to children.."
Really?!?! Like this Pope and the last one, who minimized what was happening, covered it up, and cry over police actions that attempt to bring these pedos to justice? Or, what about the culture of secrecy that exists in the Vatican? Or like how the Catholic League says there is "no pedophile crisis" and blames GAY PEOPLE instead of pedo priests? And how the Church supported him, in a document read out from the Holy See in 2009, saying that it wasn't pedophilia but homosexuality that was the problem? Or how a bishop in Spain said that it wasn't really pedophilia because these 13-year old boys are asking for it? (and yes, he's still got his job.) Lile how the articles in the Papal newspaper blame the media and acts like the Pope's the victim? Or--in the most insulting move yet--HOW WOMEN PRIESTS ARE NOW IN THE SAME LEVEL OF 'SIN' AS PEDOPHILES??? Because women wanted equal treatment are totally the same as child-rapists, ammirite?
The actions of this Church at every level have been criminally self-serving, ridiculously immoral and fatally presumptuous. This church doesn't deserve to continue. And, hopefully, the lawsuits and public outrage will force it out of the business of fleecing it's 'flock' for good.
In medieval Europe, nations were weak and the church was the only well-knit institution. Popes were unelected political leaders, serving for life like kings, and as such, they dealt with badasses by being badder asses. This accounts for, but doesn't excuse, some of this immoral behavior. Look how many of these jerks served between 800 and 1300 A.D., until about the time European nations started to get better organized, and Europeans better educated and informed.
Sometime about 150 years ago, the popes stopped running countries and commanding armies and decided to concentrate mostly on church matters.
Religions survive because people find them useful, so they tune out the occasional folly and hypocrisy of their leaders. Same with governments.
Also, Boniface's tantrums via Papal Bull are some of the most hilariously childish things in all of Papal history.
I love all of these stories of popes killing other popes to be pope. And that crazy Satan-toasting pope was only 18! How do you get to become a satanic pope at 18? I mean, really. So awesome.
Also, the more I write pope, the funnier the word seems. Pope, pope, pope.
that was mean. I'm a Catholic and I love Pope Benedict. I'll be anxiously awaiting you piece next week about how Mohammed was a pervert... oh, sorry... I doubt that will be published because you're probably too much of a pussy to take on the Muslims, but it's okay to bash what is sacred to us Catholics. What a double standard piece of shit the Stranger is. Maybe you could tell me to "lighten up" and "it's just a joke", but jokes are only funny if you're not the butt of them.
Pro
Spot the redundancy.
Also, Pro, go eat some Jesus flesh and wash it down with blood.
@33: I second that!!
I'm neither Catholic (THANK GOD!!!!) nor of Muslim faith, and although I agree that it sucks to get bashed, the Catholic Church has been openly corrupt since the dawn of Time.
Just because something might be considered sacred doesn't necessarily mean it's right.
I agree to disagree.
nice to see that history is good press. anyway, i must object the authors'
interpretation of the origin of the words pope and father
the word pope comes to us in english from the latin 'papa' which comes to us from the greek, pappas-
please understand that in spanish, portuguese, and italian (not sure about french or romanian and i want to forget anything greek related)
the word for the pope is 'papa' but the word for 'pope' is normally is stressed on the first syllable
while papa (daddy) is stressed on the second. this is pretty much a linguistic truism-
i can say this with a whole heart because
i am a native spanish/portuguese speaker, and speak fluent italian and english.
noe while i agree that there is no doubt a very heavy handed patriarchical history in the
catholic, orthodox and the other christian religions-
and have always been partial to the credo about hanging noblemen with the entrails of the clergy.......
in effect your last comment is completely wrong -
in spanish (and in the other latin languages)
the two words (pope and father)
1. do not mean the same thing
2. are not used the same way
3. in some cases they are in fact even written differently
more importantly, no native speaker of spanish, or any other romance language would ever mistake the two words, no matter the common root.
Carol, of course. From the 80's band Rough Trade?
Hello? Is this thing on?
but language is culture. and i dont want my culture trashed
yes- papa is used in parts of latin america (mine) as the word for potatoe- but since it is not universal in latin i chose not to include it in my comment on the article.
actually, it is pronounced like 'papa as in pope'
with the accent on the first syllable
as opposed to papa as in father
this is a very specific term, and limited to certain parts of latin america only.
in other words it can't be said to be a value as far as latin languages go- not even spanish in its 24 forms.
but hey, lets give one to the author:
lets change that last line to:
in certain parts of latin america, the word for potatoe and the word for pope are written and pronounced identically.
and yet they might just be the same thing!
WHO COULD COMMENT BETTER THAN THIS COMMENTATOR?
MAYBE A COMMON TATOR?
IN MY LIFE...I HAVE NEVER...
COMMENTED LIKE THIS.
PLEASE, KEEP COMMENTING.
LESTER COLODNY
WHO COULD COMMENT BETTER THAN THIS COMMENTATOR?
MAYBE A COMMON TATOR?
IN MY LIFE...I HAVE NEVER...
COMMENTED LIKE THIS.
PLEASE, KEEP COMMENTING.
LESTER COLODNY
Lando.
Bishop of Rhymes.
YES.
and neither is misinformation.
Quit taking yourself so seriously, or get off Slog...
Too funny, Lindy West! If I wasn't a queer, I'd want to marry you! I haven't laughed so hard since the SITC2 review!
the words for father and pope are not the same in spanish.
this is a fact.
you have not done your research correctly and have sadly been misinformed.
another fact.
here comes an opinion:
please try and not insult someone else's language by
pretending you comprehend it. or repeating someone else's miscomprehension
hey #55 OutInBumF:
as far as your little ultimatum goes:
i'm not on facebook, twitter, classmates or myspace or whatever.
i don't take myself seriously at all. not enough at least.
but i think, and spea my mind
which is what i think bothers you
as far as me getting off slog:
are you a moderator? an administrator?
do you somehow maintain this website?
no, you are not. no, you don't.
i think i have just as much a right to comment here as you do.
on top i think you are an asshole.
i have read a lot of nazi style shit here on the strangers website-
but it would have never occured to me to say to someone:
CHANGE OR LEAVE
#55 OutInBumF you really have lost all critical perspective
The word "cuirass" doesn't get used nearly enough these days. Thanks, Lindy West!
Goddamn East Coast bias
your sense of humor is kick-ass, keep up the good work. hell i'm not even in Seattle anymore and i'm still reading this shit 'cause it's great. and it's free.
Being Pope is a dirty job, but someone simply must do it.
Try and remember that the Roman Catholic church is just a continuation of the Roman Empire.
Julius Caesar once served as Pontifex Maximus and now it's simply Benny's (formerly of the Hitler Jugend)turn. You get all of Rome's glory, philosopies, perversions, excesses, etc. along with a great deal of their ancient ceremonies, but with presumably better music. Such a deal. The Eastern Churches merely continue the Byzantine Empire, so with all their ancient wonderfulness, they are much more relaxed about sex, including gay sex.
It's my theory that hip young sophisticates are a little bit ashamed of the western Christianity of which we are all a part against our will. Sort of like having a dirty old mom who turns tricks for beer money and you don't want the country club committee to find out.
But face it, we live in Christendom and we are all children of Western Christian Civilization, whether Jew or Gentile, Atheist, or Agnostic (so quaint). The other choice is the world of Islam, in which I understand pederasty (and similar acts with underage animals) is not exactly unknown. Unfortunately, on your way to join up with their brand of wackiness, keep in mind that they are strapping on the dynamite to blow our chic alors western asses to their Kingdom Come, where we serve them as their slaves for all eternity. Sweet!
So instead of picking on poor old Benny, wish him well in his quest to end the present plaque of boy-buggery and get the Roman clergy back to more socially acceptable sins. Also try and remember that the Roman Catholic Church was apparently hiring gays when precious few other organizations would.
commandment 11 --- Thou Shalt love lift up and laugh with the children.
Another trendy brat trying to be witty and inspired.
What is your age again?
Pretty sure this wasn't meant to "improve relations between Catholics and non-Catholics". How any moral person can remain Catholic these days in beyond me. Remember--your money is going to an organization that knowingly shelters pedophiles and still refuses to bring them to justice.
"You'd be hard pressed to find a Catholic who excuses the horrible things that have happened to children.."
Really?!?! Like this Pope and the last one, who minimized what was happening, covered it up, and cry over police actions that attempt to bring these pedos to justice? Or, what about the culture of secrecy that exists in the Vatican? Or like how the Catholic League says there is "no pedophile crisis" and blames GAY PEOPLE instead of pedo priests? And how the Church supported him, in a document read out from the Holy See in 2009, saying that it wasn't pedophilia but homosexuality that was the problem? Or how a bishop in Spain said that it wasn't really pedophilia because these 13-year old boys are asking for it? (and yes, he's still got his job.) Lile how the articles in the Papal newspaper blame the media and acts like the Pope's the victim? Or--in the most insulting move yet--HOW WOMEN PRIESTS ARE NOW IN THE SAME LEVEL OF 'SIN' AS PEDOPHILES??? Because women wanted equal treatment are totally the same as child-rapists, ammirite?
The actions of this Church at every level have been criminally self-serving, ridiculously immoral and fatally presumptuous. This church doesn't deserve to continue. And, hopefully, the lawsuits and public outrage will force it out of the business of fleecing it's 'flock' for good.
Sometime about 150 years ago, the popes stopped running countries and commanding armies and decided to concentrate mostly on church matters.
Religions survive because people find them useful, so they tune out the occasional folly and hypocrisy of their leaders. Same with governments.